I've been caring for mom (83 with dementia) alone for many years with no help from family etc. etc.. she really isn't THAT much trouble herself, (well sometimes), but the last year or so I have been hit with a lot of other troubles, concerns, and outright problems that have worn me way down.
Things in general have begun to become unbearable. I can't even face opening the mail for fear that I might make some major mistake by not believing the fake "IMPORTANT" stamp on the free hearing test scam thing. (why does everything seem to be fake stamped "IMPORTANT" these days?) I know that I need a rest, but I am afraid of upset what seems such a fragile routine for fear of everything falling apart. I'm afraid that if I do let my gaurd down, to rest, I might just fall apart.
I'm getting very angry about things that are out of my control, like the complete lack of help or even concern on behalf of my siblings. Or anyone really. I don't have a clue when it comes to simplest things like the shopping list or when the car insurance is due, and I'm beginning not to care. It all just seems like too much trouble.
My personal life is just a vague memory and I worry deeply about what, who I will be when this is done. Will I be too far gone to care for myself? Have I thrown away the last of my 'Best Years' to care for a woman who doesn't appear to be aware of my sacrifice, only to end up alone in a state institution myself?
I haven't been able to work (and make more than Home care would cost anyway) in a couple of years, my savings is gone, my sister has stolen my inheritance from my father, and I am going to be broke, past middle age, and an emotional wreck when the morning she doesn't get out of bed comes.
Is this really the right think to be doing?