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Grandma has a history of faking disability where there is none. Sometimes she will pretend she can't get up even though she can. I never know when it's real or fake. Today she's been doing that all day. She claims she twisted her ankle and when I touch it, she screams out in pain. But when I do it when she's napping or while she's eating, nothing. When she's eating she doesn't seem to notice until I ask then she screams "IT REALLY HURTS." and keeps on eating.


When I try to help her up, she pushes back at me with all her might. Frustrated I walk away. Sure enough, she's on her feet all by herself a couple of minutes later. Faking.


Tonight she pooped all over the bed. I could smell it. She's standing there just fine as I walk in. She sees me and starts limping saying it hurts too much to stand and starts sitting on the poop bed. I tell her not to do it. She curses at me and then sits in the poop. Over the next 3 hours, I break my back helping her up, I get pooped smeared all over me from her poop hands and I try to wash her hands off in a basin of water, she thinks it's a good time to splash me.


A couple of hours later, she screams like she does when she falls. She didn't but she says she can't get up to pee. I break my already broken back trying to get her up as she pushing back at me. I give up after half an hour. I walk away, throw away my gloves and come back. It can't have been more than 15 seconds. She's standing up on her own.


I'm still incredibly frustrated and my back is throbbing. I know grandma is going to scream for help like she fell all night long.


Why is grandma trying to kill me?

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Thanks for the replies everyone.

Last night was better than I expected. I thought I would be up all night but I actually got 1.5 hours of sleep. YEA!!!!!!

I thought it was all clear when she got up and used her commode all by herself at 1am. No struggling. No yelling, No failed attempts. She just got up, used it and sat back down.

I went to sleep. A hour and a half later, it didn't even feel like I fell asleep, she's screaming bloody murder. I go in and she says she can't get up. Twice again overnight I had to help her to use the bathroom. I was too wired to sleep in between.

This morning at 9am, I tried and failed a couple of times to get her to the commode. I was able to get her up twice but then she would dramatically sit down. She doesn't just sit down. She does this partial squat like her legs are failing and then scoots onto the bed all the while yelling that her legs hurt. I gave up and decided I'll just deal with a full diaper. 10 minutes later, she's on the commode all by herself. I watched her from the doorway get up from the commode, wipe herself and sit back on the bed. No drama or failed attempts like when I "help" her. She just stands up, wipes, pulls up her pants up holding onto nothing and sits down on the bed.

I just can't reconcile that she's so functional when she wants to be and not when she calls on me to "help" her. There's no way her legs should hurt so much one minute and then not at all the next. When's she's awake, if I just brush her ankle she'll scream that it hurts so much. When she's asleep, I give it a firm squeeze and she doesn't even wake up. Like I said, when she's busy eating, she doesn't notice it either.

I was literally looking up ambulance companies to take her to the doctor to see if there really is something wrong with her legs after the failed attempts at 9am. Now..... I'm pretty sure she's faking. She's done things like this before. I've even taken her to the hospital because of it before. Miraculously at the hospital she's fine. Once, the physical therapist was even impressed she could walk so well even without a walker. Before yesterday, she was buzzing all over the house at all hours. I don't see why there would be such a dramatic loss of function.
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Reply to needtowashhair
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NTWH, grandma is not trying to kill you. Does this happen often? At this point you need help and time away. If nobody will step up to help, time for you to get on with your life. First family or you need to find her an appropriate living situation.

You clearly need to take care of yourself, first. Are you ready to throw in the towel? I would be and there is not a thing wrong with that.
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needtowashhair Jun 13, 2019
If only it was just grandma. There's also mom, dad and a very very old dog who refuses to wear her diapers too. ;) Dad is pretty functional, mom not so far behind grandma and the dog is blind, deaf, incontinent and has become an incredibly picky eater.
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I hear your frustration. How long have you been taking care of her? Do other family members know how things are? Based on what you've said, perhaps you should set up a camera (to protect yourself )because often it's hard to explain to others exactly what's going on and if she "masks" in front of other people then they'll think you're just not handling the stress of caring for her very well. It sounds like she does have a manipulative streak. The problem is, if she does have mobility problems combined with mental health issues, but you are in a perpetually frustrated state with her, you might be actually missing other problems or your perception of her behavior will always be that she's faking it. And of course, she very well may be. BTW, how old is she? PS, I am dealing with a situation with my Aunt who is Borderline PD, and manipulation, anger, and childlike behavior go hand and hand in her behavior.
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needtowashhair Jun 13, 2019
10 years. She's in her early 100's. She was kind of a mess when I first started but now she's better. I got her off a lot of her meds. She doesn't need them. Her BP was silly high before, now it would be good even for a 20 year old. She's lost a lot of weight. I've often talked about her bowel issues in other threads. Her chronic gastro pain, blockage and bleeding is done. She was lucky to have a poop a week. Now, it's every day and I wish I was as regular. She hasn't had a bleed or complained of pain in a couple of years. Even the doctor she's had for decades has commented she's in better shape now than she's been in years.
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NTWH, I know this is a vent. I just vented to our family here as well about a “brutal” Visiting Nurse we had.

Understand that Grandma has the mind of a young child. She will play you all she can, just like a child. I don’t think she is trying to “kill” you. I think she is having s good time. misbehaving and playing with you. This is her “entertainment” right now.

If you are at the end of your rope, call someone in your family, tell them you are taking off for a week and that Grandma’s Care is up to them. Or, find a facility, and put her there for a week for respite care. No one can or should do this kind of care without a break. Find s way to get one. You’ll be a better caregiver if you do.
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