Some of you may know my mom is planning to go to her cottage next Thursday to spend the summer. I talked to her about getting a life alert system in place and she agreed. We talked about this several times and I told her I had been researching different brands/models etc.

After many hours of research and talking to different companies I finally found one that seemed like the perfect fit. A small home unit and also a mobile device she could take with her when she goes out.

I sent her an email early yesterday morning and gave her a quick call to let her know and said I would be over later to talk about and answer any questions, because I had talked to a company rep and felt I could answer any questions she had.

A few hours go by and I called to say I would be over. She immediately tells me she doesn't want it. Not that she didn't want that particular unit/set up but that she didn't want ANYTHING. She was in a foul mood and I kept trying to keep it calm and explain why getting one was a good idea. She shot me down at every turn, insisting she did not need anything. I offered to pay, nothing worked. Finally I said- Mum, I'm getting mad, you told me you would do this, so I did a bunch of work. She shot back in the nastiest tone - EVERYTHING PISSES YOU OFF, and I was so .... ugh- dumbfound and fed up I just said - Okay have a nice day, and I hung up. We did not speak the rest of the day. What she said was so untrue and I am always treating her with kid gloves.

Tomorrow morning my husband is leaving town for the weekend to visit his family. I do not want to see my mom. She is the most nasty when she is alone with me, and I am just sick to death of her drama and her stubborn charade of independence.

I can not control what she does. She is bullheaded and does what she wants. I'm sick of feeling responsible for this person I can't control. I'm tired of her nasty moods. I'm tired her, period.

I have no plans to call her, and if/when she calls me I am telling her that I plan to spend the weekend ALONE. She'll get mad for sure, but I don't care. Everything I do for her and I get this difficult, nasty attitude? No thanks.

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You have every right to spend your weekend alone.

And about the life alert system, you offered to pay so just order it. Stop asking her for permission. When it arrives, *tell her* "Mom, here is your new security system and here's how it works" set it up and then leave to let her stare at it in disbelief. If she does anything foolish - throw it away, break it - that's a red flag and it may be time to start looking for a higher level of care for her.

Back to your weekend alone. I absolutely love those!!! What do you want to do? Watch movies? Read? Pamper yourself? Go to the beach? All of the above?
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Vent away.

If she calls just don't say I want to be ALONE, tell her what you said here. That all your trying to do is help to keep her safe. That all you get is attitude and stubbornness. That she is now on her own because you will no longer suggest anything.

There will come a time when something will happen where hopefully Mom is still with it to realize, she needs help. Until then, just let her go her merry way.

Enjoy your time alone. You need it. Get away from the house. Do something you've wanted to do for a while. I like to go to flea markets. Not to buy so much, but to look. If I find a treasure, its usually for a gift.
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I think while you get so much joy with elderly. You also get this , tears etc. I try to keep in mind first that I may be in this position as we all may be when we get older! I hear you I do! So many times I have to remind myself you take things out on those you love most because you do love each other! That being said it helps to remember parents are used to be the care givers! They are also now giving up so much of there independence. A couple years ago mom was in the hospital I told her she was going nowhere til we set up life line. She lived by herself and even did food samples at kwik trip part time because she lives people, anyway. ..her necklace sat on her night stand most of the time. I live very close to her but if she didn’t answer her phone I just thought she was at work. It sure isn’t easy when you are trying to do the right thing! My mom just moved to a nursing home yesterday. Breaks my heart to pieces. She was in the hospital 22 days. 7 of those in icu which I didn’t think she was going to make it😞. My thoughts are. Do the best you can and that’s all you can do. My mom was refusing to eat. I told her then why are you doing dialysis three times a week. She is eating better but every day I have to coax her. Give yourself time away to rejuvenate for you as well. I also was a can and managed an Alzheimer’s group home. Just try to remember as frustrating as it is at times. There is also joy which will someday be a memory ❤️ Hang in there. Good luck.
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