Why can't I stop crying?

Visit her frequently and give her all the love you can while you can. Get a beautiful baby doll for your mom. One that is weighted to feel like a real baby would be lovely.

I was n am in same boat. Rehab was only till ribs healed but leg n bathroom seem to give her problems next. I knew in my heart I couldn't do 24 hour care n knew I didn't even want to. I brought this up to my siblings n no one rejected the idea of letting her stay there for long term. So that's where she is n I have my son living g in her house to keep it safe for insurance sake.

Lucilleball posted (~8 hours ago):

"It has been 3 weeks now - I am going for my first visit tomorrow. Praying I don’t upset the apple cart."

Okay, best of luck! Be prepared for anything and try to hold the tears while you are with her. Might she devolve into begging to go home? It's possible, but distractions can help. Bring a gift. Focus on her, ask her questions, have her show you around her new "apartment", etc. If she gets "stuck" on the going home issue, agree but put it off to some vague future day, then try to refocus her onto something else.

If things get difficult, don't be afraid to ask a staff member for help, esp when it's time to leave. If they are good, they know how to distract mom so you can make a graceful exit!

It sounds like you and your mother are fortunate to have found such a positive placement situation for her. She may miss you b/c she was used to your being nearby, but it sounds like she is doing beautifully in this facility. Perhaps you are crying b/c you feel some guilt in having moved her into long term care, but if her behavior was becoming problematic at home, a move was inevitable. You are both more than fortunate to have found such a good facility for her.

I think you may feel you failed her by not keeping her home as she was before. Don't feel bad - you did the best for her and for you and she seems to be adjusting and is happy. What more could you ask for?

hugs!!

just be careful:
the stay in the facility was supposed to be temporary.

1.your mother might not have minded, because she knew it’s temporary. so she was able to be happy while she was there, knowing she would return home. like when you’re in hospital and you’ll get out soon, so you might as well make the best of it.

i would absolutely hate to be brought to a facility as “temporary”, and then it’s actually permanent. i would, under some circumstances, feel very tricked.

for me, it would depend on the circumstances.

2.the facility says she’s happy. but that might also be to make you stay/pay more. maybe the facility treats people ok in the beginning, so they can try to keep the person/get money/make it permanent.

hugs! just be careful.
you said you recently visited. i hope you’re ok :). i hope your mother’s ok :).

sending lots of strength and love to you, everyone on this forum and our loved ones.
:)

bundle of joy :)

I would say a combination of guilt and relief. Calm down, you have done your job, she is safe and content. Let her be cared for by this new team, take a deep breath and start caring foe yourself.

Imho, you're crying because caregiving can be an emotional rollercoaster. Now that you've, perhaps temporarily, gotten off the rollercoaster, quite naturally your mind is in a whirlwind. However, you made the right move by placing your mother in this nice facility.