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My dad got himself into financial trouble back in 2013. Since that time I had been his DPOA & handled all his money. Fast forward to 2016. My brother decided that it wasn't fair that I had 3 houses, mine, my dad's, & the condo I bought for my mom. That it wasn't fair that Mom, Dad & I each had a car (for which we each had paid). So he moved into dad's house while dad was visiting me 900 miles away. August 2017 dad closed the joint checking account I had been using to pay his bills & opened an individual checking account. There was $1900 in the checking account when dad took it. In December 2017 my brother wanted to do home improvement to dad's house which required Dad to give brother over $2000. Dad's only income is his $1547 SS check. At the end of Jan 2018 dad had a stroke. While dad was in the hospital the bank officer called me to say my Dad's checking account was overdrawn by $500 & his health insurance premiums were bouncing (auto-debit) and my brother & his girlfriend had dad writing them $500 checks. That same week one of dad's neighbors called to tell me about the abuse she had witnessed my brother do to my dad. I begged her to call APS if she ever witnessed anything ever again. While dad was in rehab my brother discovered the importance of a DPOA. So he had dad sign POA to him. I was just sick at heart when I learned this. I called APS myself to report the financial & emotional abuse. Dad is currently in a nursing home. My brother & I are not speaking & I have no idea what is going on. I think Medicare will pay for a certain number of days & then I guess it will be Medicaid? Dad has no assets. Brother will be pissed when NH takes dad's SS check.

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Do make sure you talk with your fathers case worker. I hate to be a dark cloud of doubt - but dealing with care facilities and insurance and then finances and the elderly- well, it never seems to be that easy.

Im a little worried that your father has Medicaid and Medicare mixed up - cause what you described as occurring is how Medicaid works - and like I mentioned, Medicaid doesn’t just step in and take over - it has to be applied for and then vetted and approved - a process that usually takes several months.

But maybe your fathers private insurance works in just the same way and your father will be lucky - in that regard at least.

And speaking of lucky! How wonderful is it that your father is happy with his nursing home placement?!! Seems that almost never occurs - at least not right from the start. My husbands mother was that way. No more house to worry about, someone else making the meals and doing all the cleaning up. Not to mention she and her roomie got on like life long BFF’s! MIL was happy as a clam - so it does happen. Rarely. But when it does, it makes everything so much easier.

Anyhoo- do let us know how it all works out. I’ll be curious to know - and happy for you and your dad - that if just once in this circus of elder care that it does go smoothly and works out - at least once in a while!
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Is that a YAY!?
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I just spoke to my Dad tonight. He is very happy at the NH.

He wants me to call his caseworker in the am. He told the caseworker that she is allowed to speak with me.

According to Dad Medicare will pay for 20 days in NH & then Medicare (TenCare) will step in. Medicare will take the house & his SS check & he will get $50/mo.

Brother is letting Dad's house go into forclosure & brother is moving back to where he used to live before he moved into Dad's house.
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Dad owns his own house. It is underwater on the mortgage. He almost lost it in 2013. Thank goodness Wells Fargo restructured the mortgage in 2014 or dad would have lost his house at that time.

Mom & Dad have been legally divorced for 55 years. So there is no problem there.

Brother & girlfriend & their two dogs are still living in Dad's house.

Brother has left me a number of profanity laced, threatening voice mails which I have saved.

Dad lives in Tennessee & I live in Chicago. It is a 9 hour drive to get to Dad's. Brother gets $900/mo disability. With Dad's $1500 they could be really comfortable. I don't understand why there are even money problems!

Thank you both for responding. You have reinforced what I have been thinking. But it is hard not to worry about Dad especially after taking care of him for the past 4 years.

I had his health insurance premiums switched to come out of my checking account b/c he CANNOT be without health insurance. But I really can't afford it.
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Where do you go from here, cheribob? As far as you can from your father's finances. Don't distance yourself from your father, but keep away from the financial situation that Brother has messed up.

Are your parents legally divorced? (That may make a difference in the Medicaid application.) If your father's house is in your name, he has no other assets, and his income will go toward his nursing home costs, your brother is going to be out of luck financially. Be vigilant on your mother's behalf.

Is Brother still living in your father's house (that you own)? You may need to go through eviction proceedings to remove him.
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On the bight side - if anything in this nasty situation could be deemed a positive - at least your name wasn’t on the checking account any longer when checks started to bounce.

As well, it’s probably a good thing you are no longer in a position of responsibility for your father - now that things have been royally effed-up by your brother.

Cause I can pretty much guarantee you that you have vastly over simplified the transition from Medicare to Medicaid.

Medicaid needs to be applied for and after a review and assessment- for which lots and lots of paperwork and statements need to be submitted to Medicaid- by whom, your brother now that’s he’s DPOA - and after the past five years of your fathers financial situation will be delved into to ensure no gifting or funny business- only after that would your father be approved for Medicaid. Here’s hoping your brother can find a “Medicaid Pending” facility.

Also - here’s hoping your brother doesn’t try to get clever and transfer your fathers house into his name - cause that will definitely cause problems with Medicaid acceptance.

But it what should you do?

Make sure the deed to your mothers condo is buttoned up tight and that there’s no way your mother could fall victim to your brother as your father did.

Beyond that - visit your father and let him know you love him. Do your best to make nice with the staff at your fathers facility. They can prove to be an ally in letting you know what’s going on with your father and your a-hole brother. Plus, it will help in making sure your father is getting good care - cause your brother just doesn’t sound like the kinda guy that’s likely to treat the facility staff well - assuming he’ll visit your father at all.

What a horrible situation for you - and for your dad. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. It’s situations like this when I hear my own mothers voice and something she once said to me “Who ever told you that life was gonna be fair?”
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