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So as you may have read, mom is home from the hospital, needs a ton of therapy. Both PT and OT have assessed her and OT believes a SNF would be best. My brother who has to leave Monday and I have broken our backs trying to help her and my brother knows full well I won’t be able to help her alone. Every time I mention that she’ll have to go because, “Mom I can’t handle this alone,” I get the stop sign with the hands and then a “This is too depressing to talk about!!” Brother and I are going to talk about it with her tomorrow again, a facility IS READY to take her, Medicare fully funded, but me breaking my back, bringing her water, moving her pillows, and “I’ll do my exercises later,” seems more pleasing.


I’m about to collapse. And to be selfish, I must mention today was my birthday. Is it normal to cry this much?

HappyBirthday fellow Aquarian!

Be firm with your mother and explain this rehab is best for her with her current needs.

She needs to agree like it or not.

Tell her she’ll have goals in rehab she will need to accomplish treatment-wise before she can come back home so she can be independent.

Turn it around & let her know that once she’s in rehab as long as she works with the and attends therapy she could be home in 21 days.

Wave that carrot under her nose for now...

Luckily my mother always agreed to rehab after her hip repair (from a fall on wet grass we had told her this 1000+ times never to walk on wet grass to use the concrete paths and wait for assistance but nope..) ,plus also after her heart bypass and mastectomy surgery. She looked at rehab as a way to get independent again.

I hope yoir mother can understand she needs he needs to work on recovery full time in a rehab center.

Don’t let her guilt you, it’s for her own good. Of course she wants to come home but at this time she just can’t. You all can visit.

Good luck!
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Reply to Shane1124
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Missus, happy birthday!
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Reply to gladimhere
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Missus- I don't have anything helpful about your situation. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday!

I spent my birthday crying most of the day, I think it is a normal part of all of this. May God help you through this, I will pray for you.
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Reply to smeshque
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Happy Birthday!!! And mentioning that is not selfish at all. Someone in the picture is definitely selfish but it’s not you.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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It’s awful. I suggest you get a medical transfer as suggested and one of you with a neighbor or close friend on one end get her loaded up and brother or other family meet her at other end help get her settled. Then everyone take a week breather —you can call skilled nursing to check on her and see how’s she’s doing but give her and you all a chance to adjust and take a breath. Grieve a moment. Then be the great kids you are and spend quality time with mom and leave the caregiving to the caregivers.

YOU ARE NOT selfish. Your feelings are normal and universal. We have all felt them. I can only tell you it gets easier. It never really goes away and there is a pang of angst and guilt every time you leave mom and give her that hug and she tells you she misses you and wants to go home... I say nothing. It’s been 2 years for me and I’ll go up for my moms 96th birthday next weekend. It is easier and I’ve never regretted placing mom in memory care.its good for mom and good for me. We have better visits. I leave knowing all is good. I wish this for you too.
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Reply to Sunflo
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Missus--

I'm so sorry.

It won't make you feel any better, but my DH had a heart attack on my birthday and acted like it was my fault, somehow. So weird.

Well, I'm sorry for mother, but it's time for her to put on her big girl panties and go where she's going to get the care she needs. And try to get it done before your ally leaves, if you can.

Just, tell her like it is. Straight out. IF she will not willingly going to leave, get an EMT transfer (yes, I think they are fairly costly). Let her know you GET that she is depressed by this, anyone would be, but assure her you will do all you can to make sure she is well cared for and not neglected. That's about all you can do.

She's going to be mad no matter what you do, so do the "right thing" and deal with the consequences later.

I cried so hard on my last birthday I got dehydrated, and then got a migraine. Oh, the people we love---they'll drive us sideways up the wall.
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Reply to Midkid58
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