It's hard to even know where to begin to write.
I'll start with myself, I'm a 32 year old woman, trying to figure out how to take care of my aging mother.
I've generally been taking care of my mother for a few years now after her fiance decided to leave her. Before that, she had already stopped taking care of her own self. She gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time because she stays in bed all day. She stopped taking care of her teeth to the point they are now all decayed and are now causing her problems. And she refuses to go outside and wants no one to see her, except for me. She is definitely depressed.
When the responsibility fell on me all of the sudden, I started to do everything for her. I would run her errands, I would buy her groceries, do basically anything for her that required leaving the house. We lived in an apartment at this time, but everything became too much and I couldn't afford a rent increase on our next lease, so we lost the apartment over a year ago. She receives $682 in SSI, which hardly pays for anything with high costs of things here in California. Majority of income and support for her comes out of my pocket.
I've been living with constant stress since then, and since October 2017 we have been living in a weekly-pay motel. With everything that she needs, along with the current cost to stay here on top of bills and debt, I am drowning.
It doesn't help that I feel like things are getting worse, both mentally and physically. She is physically unwell. She cannot move around even the motel room for a long period of time without starting to experience extreme pain. Her stomach is becoming abnormally huge and I believe that there is something wrong in there - there is a hard mass that keeps growing and pushing against other organs that she also constantly complains about hurting her. She has bowel issues. Due to her poor dental hygiene from the past, it's now affecting her health in ways that she is constantly on antibiotics and her face will occasionally swell up in her cheek.
I've wanted to take her to the ER multiple times but she always refuses to let me take her, and says that it will pass. She won't even let me take her to see a doctor. The only way she is able to get the antibiotic prescription is by calling up her family doctor that will prescribe it over the phone. Mentally she is very dependent, and always throws a fit if I have to leave, either to go to work, or to see my boyfriend. She will always make me feel guilty for not being with her 24/7, and if she ever "wants" something she will resort to throwing a tantrum like a small child.
Everything is starting to affect my own health as well. I'm always stressed. I now have my own depression because my life seems to always revolve around taking care of her now. She complains if I'm not always around and she also never seems appreciative of anything I do. If anything, she always dwells on the past, and blames me for us losing our apartment, along with a lot of her things. She will cry a lot over things she will never see again.
I feel like I live two lives. Part of the week I will be here at the motel so she's not so lonely and to make sure she's okay. The other part of the week I stay with my long term boyfriend. He's really supportive of everything and has helped me out so much in these past few years when everything started to go downhill but this is really holding me back with starting my own life with him. He wants me to move in with him, but I can't because I have a mother to take care of, and moving her in with him is out of the question. I'm not going to do that to him.
Sometimes I wake up and I forget where I even am anymore.
I'm drained. I feel unappreciated by a declining mother. I feel stuck in my current life that I wish I could progress through. I'm becoming bitter and I don't know what to do anymore, and no one is ever able to offer any advice. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help...