I have to go to her every Saturday and Sunday and sometime bring her to my house. She gives me hell when I bring her over and keeps nagging that she wants to go home. I feel very much trapped. I don’t want to hurt her but I am very much frustrated and burnt out. What is the solution?
I really believe some women of that generation feel like they are being replaced. And to make matters worse in Mom's mind, the caregivers were half her age.
We gave caregivers a test drive which lasted only 3 days. The caregiver made dinner the first evening, served both my parents. My Mom took my Dad's dish and threw the contents into the trash, while saying no other woman would be cooking for my Dad. Oops, this test drive veered off into a ditch. The Agency even sent their most experienced caregiver who could change anyone's mind. Well, she met her match with my Mom. Mom shooed her out of the house on day three.
My Mom even refused to having cleaning people come into the house. She felt insulted thinking that her home might not pass the "white glove test". End of that idea.
All I could do was walk away as I was a nervous wreck. What will be, will be.
Eventually my Mom sadly had a fall that placed her into long-term-care. But Dad was ready to bring back all the caregivers as he still knew he needed their help, and he appreciated all that they did.
Suggestions? Every case is different. If you think your Mom can be ok on her own, give it a try. Mom may [or may not] realize she does need some help.
And she is living in her own home, with caregivers there round the clock. When you say she "kicked out" the weekend caregiver, what happened exactly?
The one option you don't have is to say fine if that's how you feel stay home on your own. Alas.
So. You can:
rehire the full time care. It is better to avoid relocating a person with dementia if possible, so taking her to your home is not the best idea.
stay with her over the weekend, making arrangements for someone to pick up the slack at your home.
get another family member? If there is one? to stay with her.
look for a memory care unit and start the admissions process.
Your mother has full time care during the week as well, yes? And no problems with that? You could talk to her weekdays care team and find out what they're doing right that isn't happening at weekends.