My mom (90) doesn’t want a facility. She kicked out the weekend Caregiver and doesn’t like to come to my house. Any suggestions?

zeenna2002, oh dear sounds so much like my Mom. Also was in her 90's and refused caregivers, even though my Dad thought it was an excellent idea.

I really believe some women of that generation feel like they are being replaced. And to make matters worse in Mom's mind, the caregivers were half her age.

We gave caregivers a test drive which lasted only 3 days. The caregiver made dinner the first evening, served both my parents. My Mom took my Dad's dish and threw the contents into the trash, while saying no other woman would be cooking for my Dad. Oops, this test drive veered off into a ditch. The Agency even sent their most experienced caregiver who could change anyone's mind. Well, she met her match with my Mom. Mom shooed her out of the house on day three.

My Mom even refused to having cleaning people come into the house. She felt insulted thinking that her home might not pass the "white glove test". End of that idea.

All I could do was walk away as I was a nervous wreck. What will be, will be.

Eventually my Mom sadly had a fall that placed her into long-term-care. But Dad was ready to bring back all the caregivers as he still knew he needed their help, and he appreciated all that they did.

Suggestions? Every case is different. If you think your Mom can be ok on her own, give it a try. Mom may [or may not] realize she does need some help.

Do you have POA. Does she need care 24/7 because she can't be alone. Her Dementia is advanced? If you answered yes, then its time she be somewhere safe. It no longer what she wants, its what she needs. I would start looking for a nice Memory Care or NH. ALs are limited in the care they r able to give. A lot of your stress will be gone.

Your profile says that your mother has dementia. It seems to be fairly advanced, is that right? - so she needs 24/7 support.

And she is living in her own home, with caregivers there round the clock. When you say she "kicked out" the weekend caregiver, what happened exactly?

The one option you don't have is to say fine if that's how you feel stay home on your own. Alas.

So. You can:

rehire the full time care. It is better to avoid relocating a person with dementia if possible, so taking her to your home is not the best idea.

stay with her over the weekend, making arrangements for someone to pick up the slack at your home.

get another family member? If there is one? to stay with her.

look for a memory care unit and start the admissions process.

Your mother has full time care during the week as well, yes? And no problems with that? You could talk to her weekdays care team and find out what they're doing right that isn't happening at weekends.

Agitation is a big problem, effects their well-being, and yours. Call the doctor and let them Know right away. Perhaps adjusted meds, or a new prescription could help. If it's at a point that their safety and well-being is at risk, and all other options are failing. Then it's time to look for a LTC facility.

You will have to decide what is best for your mother, not what she wants or doesn’t want. It is a very difficult choice to make, but if her safely is at risk when she’s alone, she may have to go to a facility.