I try to help guiding him in the right direction, but he becomes very hostile, blaming myself for any situation that becomes difficult.

Lotto, my husband and I have an agreement, we will do everything possible to keep one another home in the unfortunate event of major illness but, getting mean means a facility.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal

It is universal that the one giving care will be the one blamed, so you are in good company, which I know is little comfort. I am so sorry. You may be coming close to that time when placement is necessary. You may want to visit his doc to see if there is anything that can work. Sometimes a very low dose antidepressant works and sometimes that only makes things worse. You don't want anything strong enough to cause falls and their complications. Again today I have to respond with "not everything can be fixed" and I realize how awful those words are to someone coming here to this forum for hope.
I think the realities are that there may be help with medication, but it is more likely they either won't help or will have other complications of falls and etc. That you are the one who, yes, will be blamed.
I am so very sorry. Know that you aren't alone.
I truly hope others have better answers. Don't defend yourself. And just say "I am so sorry today is hard, but let's plan something ...............and try for the millionth time to come up with something that may bring him a second of joy. He has entered the world of loss of control, and you are walking into the same world with him. My heart goes out to you.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

From your profile:

"I am caring for my partner David, who is 64 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, hearing loss, and sleep disorder."


"I am wanting to look after my partner throughout this illness ,I suffer with health problems but cope ok apart from being so exhausted,I have three children who are supportive to my situation but at times feel overwhelmed when faced with new difficulties."

Is he being treated for his depression? This may be the place to start?

If he verbally threatens you or attacks you, please call 911 immediately. This will be an opportunity to get him diagnosed and maybe even treated with medication. You should not stay in the same home with anyone unless they are a peaceful, cooperative person, since you will be in this for a long time considering that he is only 64.

I'm assuming your children are all adults? If not, they are the priority if they are minors and your partner is not their father. If you are already having health problems, it may get worse, faster when under the pressure of your situation. If you burnout or get sicker, who will take care of your partner (and minor children)? You may need to consider taking drastic action to draw a boundary so that everyone in your household doesn't catch fire because he can't handle his diagnosis. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I wish you much clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you look for solutions.
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Reply to Geaton777

Your husband is so young. His Dementia is causing this. Speak to his neurologist and see if there is a med to keep him calm. If he hits you, then call the police to remove him and take him to a hospital.
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Reply to JoAnn29

To get sensible answers to your question, please could you say what your partner being ‘aggressive’ and ‘hostile’ really means. Nasty words? Sulking? Threats of physical aggression? Actual physical violence? The answers really are different! Please post again. Margaret
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

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