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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You need to tell the hospital social worker that your husband is now an "unsafe discharge" and that you cannot properly care for him at home. And you just keep saying "unsafe discharge" until they step up and get your husband either placed in a rehab facility or if needed a memory care facility. But you must be firm in that your husband cannot return home, and not let the hospital lie to you about all they will do if you take him home. Best wishes in getting your husband placed.
Of course you have a say. You tell the hospital that he cannot return home because there will be no one to care for him and that he is an unsafe discharge because he cannot care for himself. Ask to speak to a hospital social worker and ask for something called a 'Social Admit'. This is when a person is admitted to the hospital ad kept there until the hospital places them into an appropriate care facility. Tell the hospital social worker that adequate care cannot be provided in your home for him and he has to be placed in a residential care facility.
The hospital social workers will try to convince you to take him back home with you. They will promise all kinds of resources and homecare if only you agree that he is discharged back home. All of this is lies so you will get him off of hospital property then their (the hospital) responsibility to him is finished. Don't fall for it and they can be very persuasive. Hold fast to refusing to take him home and they will make the Social Admit.
If you as his spouse are dependent on his income, you will have to be left enough to live on. If you own your home, Medicaid (your husband will need it most people do) will be reasonable and will allow a dependent spouse to remain in the home. You will be okay, if you take it one step at a time. The first step is talking to a hospital social worker and asking for a Social Admit (be sure to use this term). Second step is talking to a lawyer who specializes in elder law and estate planning. Good luck.
Does he qualify for a post hospitalization rehabilitation stay?
If you can get him into a SNF for rehabilitation, this is where you will start the process of getting him admitted for long term care.
You can tell the hospital discharge planner that you CAN NOT SAFELY provide the continuance of care he needs and he needs to go to rehab. I found that you have to be a determined advocate for anyone hospitalized to get good continuity of care.
May The Lord lead you to the right resources for the long haul, for both you and your husband.
I learned things the hard way. I didn't realize I could refuse to take my husband home due to fear of my safety. He was in and out of ER 3x within 2 weeks, each time brought in by ambulance accompanied by police. When I asked the discharge nurse what I should do if this recurred, and the answer was simply call 911 again. In one of the stays, I tried telling them that I didn't want to take my husband home due to concerns but never mentioned fear for my own safety. In one of the stays, the ER called around 10:30pm to tell me to come pick him up. I said there was no way I was willing to drive to the hospital at that hour. He went on and on about how they couldn't keep him there in the ER or admit him to the hospital. I then asked about transferring him to a psychiatric ward but the person said he had already called around, within a 50mile radius, and that no one had an open bed available (well, it was his word...who knew if that was true). He then "bestowed pity" upon me and agreed to keep my husband overnight in the ER so that I could get some sleep, but that I had to pick him up first thing in the morning. It was a nightmarish time for us, before rivastigmine (Aricept) was prescribed. This med did calm him down such that some of his cognition returned, so no more trips to the ER, but the nightmare continued in other ways... Good luck to you. They may not be able to admit him to the hospital and definitely can't keep him in ER, but perhaps he can be transferred to a geripsych facility to titrate his medications.
Thank you so much for this! I have had similar experiences with my husband and it has been so traumatic for me. The hospital really tried to guilt me, and I allowed it. Took my husband home after every ER visit, even one when I had to hire someone, as I now am no longer physically able to transport him, and they threatened me with law enforcement action. Such scary situations. Good luck to you. I pray you make better decisions due to the folks on this blog than I did.
Does your husband have Medicare? Ask the hospital staff for a "Message from Medicare" document. You may have signed one before, or as, he was admitted, but don't remember. The registration staff or a case manager may have brought it to you. If you did sign one, it should have been scanned into his chart and the original returned to you. If you don't have it, they can reprint it. It provides a phone number, which usually matches the customer service number on the back of his Medicare card (for a commercial policy like United Healthcare). There is a generic phone number if what he has is the generic Medicare A&B. That number GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO FILE AN APPEAL BEFORE YOUR HUSBAND IS DISCHARGED so that the Medicare group will advocate for him with the hospital. As a hospital Registrar, I have heard stories, to varying degrees, of it being helpful or not being helpful. But, it is another avenue to try.
No. Probably not. Hospitals are for ACUTE care of an illness. When there is no longer a need for acute care then it is up to skilled nursing, in-facility care, rehab, placement for treatment of what is chronic, or what will heal slowly.
Do say more about what your husband is in Hospital FOR. I understand he has Lewy's Dementia, but this doesn't require hospitalization unless there is need for psychiatric consulting and medication treatment. We can help more when we know the details. Speak with the Social Workers. They will be a great help to you and I surely do wish you the best of luck. My brother had Lewy's Dementia.
If thte hospital was only for acute care they would have no need to employ social workers. The OP can ask for a Social Admit and the hospital will oblige her if she stays strong and refuses to take her husband back home.
What type of ongoing care do you think he needs: rehab? Skilled nursing?
It seems like you are unable or unwilling to provide it: if it is not medical then consider contacting care agencies, or Care.com, social services for your county, your local Area Ageny on Aging, or calling 2-1-1 for information and resources that will help you figure it out.
I agree with the others who have pointed out that no hospital is a long-term solution for your husband.
It is unfair to blame her, to say she is "unable or unwilling to provide it (care)." She was unaware of the resources that are available to her, and SHAME on the Hospital and social worker for not making her aware of the resources that ARE available to help her husband. She should contact her local Senior Services Branch to get him approved for Medicaid (if he doesn't have it already). You will have to have Medicare and Medicaid to have LTC covered. Then, he would be covered for SNF or MC. With Lewy Body progression, she would have no life of her own and often a caregiver will become so exhausted, they get sick, or even die before their LO. My bonus Dad passed away on Hospice in our home on 7/20/25. He went from the house to the hospital and back home again twice. The last time my 82 yr old Momma had to break down in tears before they looked for a facility for rehab. He could not walk unassisted (both of them on rollators) he could not stand to make himself breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He had trouble toileting or changing his underclothing due to incontinence. How do you presume my momma "wasn't willing"? She was UNABLE to SAFELY care for him!!!!!!! My daughter and I both work from 8:30 am to 6 pm M-F. I gave up every weekend to help my Mother and my daughter took care of her Poppa so I could give my Momma a break from reality, even if it was just a couple of hours. @Bdaanderson, use your voice, you are your husbands #1 advocate, loudly (if necessary) until someone listens to both of your needs to be safe and well. Sincerely, Trish
Sorry about you painful journey with your husband. It's an unsafe discharge. Refuse to take your husband home. Please tell the social worker that you can no longer care for him based on safety concerns.
I agree the way to go is to be firm with the hospital that you can’t care for him at home. If they can admit him for a three night stay to “stabilize” his condition then he could be discharged to a rehab facility under Medicare. That will buy you time. Most rehabs are SNF facilities that reserve beds for hospital rehab patients. Try to choose one that accepts Medicaid patients if you see it going that way down the road. Keep that to yourself - the hospital social worker just needs to work to get him somewhere but often they will present you with choices. That is where your homework concerning facilities in your area comes in. You can research them on Medicare.gov. Ask a family member or friend for help with research if you can’t do it. Know your options and financial needs. If you have an attorney you can go over Financial POA and Healthcare POA needs. You must have these things in place to negotiate these placement decisions.
The hospital may require that your husband be moved to a private care facility if they will not "justify" continued hospitalization. You do not have to take him back home, but you may have to have him moved to a facility. The Hospital Social Services Department needs to help you locate placement options. Most placement options are going to be private pay. If your husbnad qualifies for Medicaid assistance, have Social Services help you get the application process started.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And you just keep saying "unsafe discharge" until they step up and get your husband either placed in a rehab facility or if needed a memory care facility.
But you must be firm in that your husband cannot return home, and not let the hospital lie to you about all they will do if you take him home.
Best wishes in getting your husband placed.
The hospital social workers will try to convince you to take him back home with you. They will promise all kinds of resources and homecare if only you agree that he is discharged back home. All of this is lies so you will get him off of hospital property then their (the hospital) responsibility to him is finished. Don't fall for it and they can be very persuasive. Hold fast to refusing to take him home and they will make the Social Admit.
If you as his spouse are dependent on his income, you will have to be left enough to live on. If you own your home, Medicaid (your husband will need it most people do) will be reasonable and will allow a dependent spouse to remain in the home. You will be okay, if you take it one step at a time. The first step is talking to a hospital social worker and asking for a Social Admit (be sure to use this term). Second step is talking to a lawyer who specializes in elder law and estate planning. Good luck.
If you can get him into a SNF for rehabilitation, this is where you will start the process of getting him admitted for long term care.
You can tell the hospital discharge planner that you CAN NOT SAFELY provide the continuance of care he needs and he needs to go to rehab. I found that you have to be a determined advocate for anyone hospitalized to get good continuity of care.
May The Lord lead you to the right resources for the long haul, for both you and your husband.
Do say more about what your husband is in Hospital FOR. I understand he has Lewy's Dementia, but this doesn't require hospitalization unless there is need for psychiatric consulting and medication treatment.
We can help more when we know the details.
Speak with the Social Workers. They will be a great help to you and I surely do wish you the best of luck. My brother had Lewy's Dementia.
If thte hospital was only for acute care they would have no need to employ social workers. The OP can ask for a Social Admit and the hospital will oblige her if she stays strong and refuses to take her husband back home.
What type of ongoing care do you think he needs: rehab? Skilled nursing?
It seems like you are unable or unwilling to provide it: if it is not medical then consider contacting care agencies, or Care.com, social services for your county, your local Area Ageny on Aging, or calling 2-1-1 for information and resources that will help you figure it out.
I agree with the others who have pointed out that no hospital is a long-term solution for your husband.
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