It's been cloudy and cold the last few days (for FL) and my mom has been extra miserable. God forbid the weather not be perfect! She's in that "I'm not happy" mood and basically wants me to sit around listening while she complains non-stop. Nope. Not gonna happen. I've been trying to avoid her with excuses, but I can tell it's only making her more angry.
The other day she started asking me questions about the expense sheet I kept when we purchased and renovated her condo. She wanted to know if she got "credit" for the money she gave us at the start of the renovations. It was $20K out of the 70K+ spent. I told her yes, and then went to get my ledger to show her where the 20K was listed and couldn't immediately find it so I asked her why she was wondering. I knew her money was listed and my mom has a photocopy of the ledger, something she requested last year. At that point she dropped it and moved on to some other "concern".
My take away- she is miserable here. Living by me has not been the experience she thought it would be. Never mind that it's been my worse nightmare come true. For her -- she is miserable too. I believe that she wants to move, but the problem is twofold. She really has no place to go (this is the biggest problem), and she can't afford it, not a place to her standards. The way the equity in her condo stands right now, we would both lose money. I also made it clear to her last summer when she threatened to move over me trying to stop her driving that I would not be signing anything unless I had a guarantee protected by a lawyer that I get every cent we put in FIRST and she can have what's left. I refuse to take a loss on this when I took money out of our retirement account to fund this FOR HER. But like I said, the biggest issue is she has nowhere to go. I could rent her condo for easy 2K a month or more, so if it came down to it, the finances could probably be worked out, and that would be FINE by me!! But there is no place for her to go.
She's dealing with her own issues, or rather NOT dealing with them and her increased digs at me, from everything to what I wear to "your hair looks dirty". It wasn't. She was just in a mood. That's code for she needs attention. I'm tired of the digs about how we "never" go out to eat. We "never" do this, or that... it just goes on and on. I want to scream I AM NOT YOUR PARTNER IN LIFE!
She has NO friends here. She refuses to even consider the senior center or anything related. There are snow bird activities going on, I've offered to go with her to start... nope. Wants nothing to do with it.
I'm at my wits end, again. I keep hoping the Wellbutrin will kick in but it hasn't yet. I told my husband last night that I'm thinking of lying to her and saying I got a job somewhere, just to be unavailable without having to explain what I'm doing.
To make matters worse, I can't talk to my mom about ANY of this. I have already been ORDERED to NEVER say the word dementia to her again, ever. (I dared to say it twice in the last 18 months while wanting to talk about the future) So any and all conversations about her future care needs are somehow forbidden. She wants business as usual which means she runs the show, she decides all the rules, and if she isn't happy, nobody is going to be happy.
Is there any way I can make this better?