My father is 77 years old and lives alone. I am 51, married, with grown children - but am an only child. My fathers cognitive and physical health has been declining rapidly for the past 3 years. I admit I knew about his drinking, but I really didn’t want to believe it was as bad as it was. Recently my father was admitted into the hospital because he could barely walk. A battery of tests were run and surprisingly everything came back normal. After a neurologist’s exam, it was detected that all of his cognitive and physical impairments were due to alcoholism. Now what? I have had a heart to heart with my dad and he seems to understand, although now he’s in the thick of a massive detox. After 4 days in the hospital he is going to a rehab facility to try and gain some skills back through pt and ot. After rehab, I’m at a loss. I’ve suggested he move many times. I’ve pointed out the benefits of 55+ Housing and assisted living communities. He wanted no part of it (of course that’s when he was still drinking). I’m not sure how long he will remain in the rehab facility but I need a plan for next steps. He seems willing to try to stop drinking but I can see the look in his face that this is a feat that seems monumental. Even with the help of an aide, I think going back to the house that you drank all day every day in can’t be a good thing. Does anyone have any experience with this type of thing? I would be willing to have him come to my house but I can’t do it if I have to fight every day about the drinking. I’m at a loss and I worry for him (and for me.) It’s tearing me apart and I just don’t know what to do
Alanon taught me 3 C's...
I didn't Cause it
I can't Control it
I can't Cure it
You and Dad are not alone in this. You can get help after he’s discharged and so can he. If the rehab doesn’t have a social worker, the hospital he’s at does. He needs 24 hour supervision or he will start drinking again. Have you been given a prognosis of how far he will be able to “come back” from the damage the alcohol has caused? This is when you make your decisions about an aide or a facility. If he has blackouts, is a fall risk or is at a point that he will not be able to remember to care for himself, he will need to go to a facility and not back to his home with an aide. A 24/7 aide will be very expensive. If he moves in with you, you may have to quit your job, if you work, to supervise him. And you will need to learn how to do it without seeming like a prison guard.
Rely on the experts where Dad is to help you. There is no such thing as a silly question. Ask them to help you put together a plan for after discharge. Learn what to do to help Dad navigate the path to his recovery. Do join Al-anon. And good luck. I’m sending you every good wish and hope for success.
It seems you are doing every thing you can to help your Dad bless your heart' but if he doesn't want it there is not much you can do.
This is where tough love comes in as his antics are affecting your health and of course that of your family, just tell him you have had enough and give him an ultimatum and see what happens.
The rest is up to you.