My MIL stopped taking her medication. Her blood pressure shot up to very very high. She had to go to emergency room, they admitted her. She says her head was spinning and she is seeing double and other things. They had to put her on a drip to regulate her blood pressure. Of course they checked her for strokes, etc. She had to remain in intermediate care because of the drip. The next morning the Drs came in and informed us that they found no sign of strokes in the cat scan or MRI. They also said the stumbled across a blockage in a neck artery but it has nothing to do with what’s going on now and they will evaluate it later and she needs to stop smoking. However, she informed her family that she had 2 strokes and blocked arteries and can’t see well and that I’m lying ?!!! Her children already knew because I informed them at the moment but the rest of the family believe her. She has now blocked it so no one can hear her health information. My question is when is time for her to be released in the next day or two, do I have to be responsible for her? Is there a way I can make them tell inform about what’s wrong with her? How can I make the truth be known? This is crazy to me. I don’t have parents so I’ve never experienced anything like this. I don’t understand the motive and since she lives with us and I would have to be the one there 24/7 (my husband works full time) I want to be ready for whatever it is she’s trying to do. Thanks in advance

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Talk to the discharge planners at the hospital about getting her placed.

Has she been evaluated for dementia?
Helpful Answer (7)

Nicety, PLEASE have your husband talk to discharge planning. Tell them the whole story and insist that she cannot be discharged to your home.

See if it's possible for her to have a psychiatric evaluation while in the hospital.

If she signs herself out and transports herself home, start eviction proceedings.
Helpful Answer (7)

And you deserve that! 6 kids WOW, good for you.

I'm relieved to hear hubby's got her number. More relieved he wants her gone.

No you don't need to be responsible for her at all. Suggest she go stay with her sister until she finds her own place.
Helpful Answer (6)

I think we're missing too much information.

What's the background to all of this?

Your MIL lives with you and your husband, who works full-time.

How long ago did MIL come to live with you, and - since you say there aren't any health issues to speak of - why did she? How old is your MIL?

Why did she stop taking her medication?

Who is communicating with whom about what? Who is the "they" in "they said her only real issue etc."? Who is the rest of the family besides her children busy putting in their two cents?

In terms of the immediate situation, I personally would be d**ned if I'd take responsibility for somebody's welfare if I did not have complete medical information. Are you kidding? "You're going to have lead responsibility for this lady's care but we're not going to tell you anything about her condition."

I. Don't. Think. So.

I agree with Barb that you should block her discharge home in consultation with the hospital team until you have a lot more clarity, at least. And make sure that any conversations you have involve all of the decision-makers being in the same room at the same time. I'm trying to picture you, the attending physician and MIL in her hospital room, the physician saying there's no issue with strokes and her saying she's had two and everyone just leaving it there... This doesn't make any sense, and that leads me to think that this is essentially a communication problem.

But it could also be a battle of wills problem, going back to the medication. Was the stopping of it a cry for help, do you think? Was there, shall we say, some kind of difference of opinion prior to that?

And, of course, what is your husband's take on all this?
Helpful Answer (5)

My father in law passed away and my husband felt bad for her because she was alone and was always complaining about it. She lived 1200 miles from us. He let her move in to be closer and in hopes she’d find some hobbies or something. He’s the oldest and her other children don’t really bother with her. I didn’t object, my mom died in my birth so I feel it’s very important to look after your mom because you only get one. She’s been here 3 years now.

She’s 67 years old.

I’m usually home because I’m self employed.

She told her Dr she stopped taking her meds 4 months ago because they weren’t working.

The “theys” are her Drs that was communicating with her and I the first 2 days (she spent first day in Emergency room)

The rest of the family is her younger siblings (she’s the oldest) and their children.

The Drs checked for stokes but it came back clear. She just took that information and ran with it is my guess. I didn’t even know until Saturday when my husband cousin called and asked us about her two strokes because she told her mom(which is my mil sister) she had two stokes and couldn’t see. I was so confused because they(her regular Dr , the neurologist, the attending physician and a vascular surgeon (There to explain the neck blockage they stumbled across) plainly told us they found nothing and she was good with the exception of her blood pressure still spiking. At the time I got the calls I was asleep in the waiting room , I immediately ran to the nurses station and asked were there any changes, did she have a stroke just in case I didn’t know something happened while I was asleep. The nurse verified that there was no change and still no stroke. I told my husbands cousin that, I’m not sure why she said that but the Drs said she definitely didn’t have a stroke. That’s when I was like wow (In my thoughts) she’s spreading a lie through her family about having a stroke. So yesterday I wake up from the waiting room (I was staying at the hospital) go to the nurses station and asked how is she doing and they said we can no longer discuss her health information with anyone, she decided it’s confidential. Therefore now no one can verify anything and she can keep pretending.

My husband wants her gone. He’s so angry. He says this type of stuff is why her other children won’t bother with her. He says she try’s to manipulate them playing the victim. I can care less about all of that. I just don’t want to be drug into being in a situation where I’m essentially responsible for her. I also don’t want people believing I would lie about such a serious situation. I’ve never done anything to anyone. I’ve just got our 6 children grown and gone, I am just looking forward to a peaceful and drama free lifestyle.
Helpful Answer (5)

No language barrier and we don’t even know anything about her meds besides they are for blood pressure. She has never been ill. She’s in good health and hasn’t had an issue. Therefore we don’t monitor anything about her. She isn’t in that stage at all. Her mind is clear. My husband said that she’s always been like this, they believe she’s narcissistic. I don’t know, I don’t get into their relationships. However, this could put me on the hook and make me look bad. Therefore I’m trying to be proactive to protect myself and my name. Just in case they expect someone else to be responsible for her after hospital care, like appointments and whatever else
Helpful Answer (5)

She is a manipulator, liar, and bold as hell to do this to you knowing darn well she has to go home with YOU AND KNOW THE TRUTH! This is all for attention and pity. She is very dangerous seeing as she has no problem throwing you under the bus.

Who knows what else she'll say about you once you're both home?

The potential of making you the black sheep of the family and ruining your marriage is high. Don't underestimate her.

She won't be able to stop lying now. People are going to want to know what's going on with her treatment. Is she going to blame you for not getting treatment?

Blocking her medical records is a big moving in showing how far she intends to perpetrate this facade. She wants to bask in the glow of attention and concern. You know one lie leads to another, then another and so on.....

I was a little taken aback by this post because, my Mom has Arterial Stenosis in both corrotids. She's had two strokes. She'd be smoking if she could get out of bed. She can not get up because when she lifts her head, she doesn't get enough blood to the brain and passes out. She's on hospice.

So yeah, I'm a little disgusted by mil taking on this serious illness, for her selfish need for attention, when it's really killing my Mom. But that has nothing to do with you.

Mil is toxic and dangerous, I would not have her living right smack in the middle of my home and life.

Good luck, you're in for some ride if you take her home.
Helpful Answer (4)

Sorry, but I am annoyed.

It is possible, you know, to get things wrong. Just wrong. Not lying, not manipulating, just wrong, in the ordinary way, like we all do sometimes. To misunderstand what is said to you, to get hold of the wrong end of the stick.

Best not to overreact to that, if you can help it; otherwise it all gets very emotional and counterproductive.

Did you or your husband know that your MIL had stopped taking her blood pressure medication? Has anybody asked her what changed those four months back to make her believe that it was no longer working? Did you yourselves notice any changes?

And is there by any chance a language barrier and/or cultural issue at play here?
Helpful Answer (4)

CM , normally I would agree with you. But if she purposefully blocked the ability of her son from being privy to her medical information, it raises my index of suspicion for manipulation.

Nicety, have you and your husband sat down with her and explained that the docs said there was no stroke?
Helpful Answer (4)

To be clear....

MIL stopped taking hypertension meds (for reasons we don't know).

MIL tells family that DIL is lying about her not having had a stroke.

Those two facts tell me that something may be very "off" about this lady's ability to think clearly.

Which is why I'm suggesting that she have an evaluation of her ability to manage her own health care.
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