I am so done. I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve never had kids for a reason, I’ve never wanted to take care of anyone.
My mom 81 yrs, lives alone, we have no other family. I am 58. I am her everything. I have been on my own since I was 16; somehow managing to do well in life. She has sucked everything out of me for at least 30+ years. I am tired of the phone calls , the negative, the not being able to travel or do anything , always waiting for the call that she has fallen ( thankfully, not hurt but can’t get up) Or lately, the calls her tv is not working . She doesn’t listen to anything I tell her that will keep her safe, or from falling. Everything is about her, I can’t breathe, I am depressed , I can’t live my life any more. I have nothing in me anymore, no sympathy,empathy, nothing. She won’t take her meds, sleeps all day, and on and on... I’ve been told by Geriatric doctor and a rehab center , that she doesn’t qualify for a nursing home or such. She has no money either. I can’t get her into AL either. I live an hour a way and spend Tuesdays with her, and do everything else for her.
I don’t want to take her calls, fix her tv, groceries, bills, dr appts , drop everything to pick her off the floor. I call her and the tv is so loud I can’t talk to her, but she won’t turn it down. I’m so done! Every time I get off the phone I want to jump off a bridge. I can not do this any more but no can help me unless I won the lottery. I did finally get a care giver for her about 10-12 hours a week, but she always is b****ing about something she does wrong, the girl is a saint. Nothing is ever enough. I am a hamster on a wheel that can’t get off. There is no end in sight.
Sorry for the long rambling post. I want to breath again, I want to smile again. I want to be free. I want to know what it’s like to be happy.