As of last week, after my elderly parent suffered another fall and has a significant injury to one arm, I now find myself living with them full time for total assist. There was issues with cognitive decline and efforts for placements were made but there is no place in the rural area that I live. Also there is a current increase in cases of Covid 19 in local nursing homes. There is an assessment that will be made this week to ascertain her qualifications for nursing home placement but I don't know if that will expedite any placement. I have been a caregiver for my parent for many years due to various reasons that would take a lifetime to unravel. I have resentment, as I have done much work to have them placed for well over ten years and they have refused and been lying about it as well.
Some family members live away and are not able or willing to come help, others have very little to say to me or to their parent. I feel overwhelmed, as I have tried to avoid this very position that I am in. I am the POA but now I am the forced 24/7 hour caregiver. I am disabled with having had two strokes of my own, heart issues, back problems and diabetes and yes, depression. And I have a home, a husband who is years older than I am and has his own health issues. We were already struggling to live as independent as possible. Now I am here at her home, and he is alone, with no car, as I have our only car. We live in a remote area and our winters are both long and cold. I worry for my husband's ability to care for himself and he worries about me, as he can hear in my voice how vulnerable I am. I am not sleeping well, my emotions are rising to the top at all times, and I either cry or get very angry and don't even know for sure who to get angry at? I have to walk away from my parent at times as I feel the immediate urge to say something that is painful. I have always been patient, quiet, and tolerating, but am not able to do that anymore. I am trying but it is not happening.
My own family support are not available to help in any manner as they are not able to visit as they live in the nearby country but are not able to cross the border due to the Covid 19. I have recently started to have a private pay person come for about 90 minutes a day for personal care, as I can not provide that level of physical care on a daily basis with the stenosis of my back and sciatic pain, which I don't even mention to anyone. I am awaken at least two to three times a night to assist with commode and don't get the sleep I require. Their is limitations to both staff availability and to finances so I am not certain how much longer this can continue, for both private pay services and even my own ability to function.
My spouse, while trying to be supportive, is also experiencing various emotions that leave him scared, angry and very concerned for my well being. My own adult children also are experiencing this. Some of my siblings that live away either don't call our parent or just respond to my occassional updates with thumb ups icons. One other sibling lives very far away and due to covid 19 is not able or willing to travel to assist. I have mixed feelings about this, but have to understand each of their limitations but also want them to understand my limitations and after one week of this upheaval to my life and to my husband's life, I am verbalizing to them and to a public format such as this that I am near beyond my capabilities and willingness. I don't know what the answers are to this, but I feel the need to vent so that if others experience this as well, I may gain both experience and shared acknowledgment. What also complicates things is that my relationship with my parent was not good at any time, their demands on me were heavy even at a young age. All I hear from my siblings is that they are sorry that I am in this position. I ask them "Why me" and "not them"? crickets.... I believe that my relationship with them is damaged for life.