Today they grabbed up a table knife and pointed it towards my husband just because he picked up a honey mustard container that was theirs. Screaming and yelling loudly, elbowing me. They have dementia.
You do whatever works to calm them down in the moment and then maybe leave very soon so it doesn't reoccur. It's not fair to the other paying customers who are expecting a quiet, stress-free dinner. And I'm not sure it's even good for your parents with dementia...they may struggle with transitioning from one venue to another, causing confusion and irritability. I can't imagine it's very relaxing for you or your spouse. It's possible if you are eating out in the evening they are experiencing "Sundowning": "restlessness, agitation, irritability, or confusion that can begin or worsen as daylight begins to fade—often just when tired caregivers need a break. Sundowning can continue into the night, making it hard for people with Alzheimer's to fall asleep and stay in bed." (source: https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/tips-coping-sundowning#:~:text=They%20may%20experience%20sundowning%E2%80%94restlessness,asleep%20and%20stay%20in%20bed.)
A strategy could be to take them out for breakfast or lunch, but not dinners. Or, only take them to fast-food places and sit outside. I hope this info helps you.
Easy one. I would personally never take this person out in public again. Dementia is beside the point. To have this happening in a public place is much like the public in general having to deal with someone's misbehaving child. I am afraid for me the time for eating out together would be done.
My mother acted up in a restaurant when she did NOT have dementia. It was the LAST time I took her out to a restaurant. That happened one year before she passed away.
You can either like others have suggested, just order take out from here on out, or they do have preprinted little cards that explain to whoever you choose to give them to that your loved one has dementia, and can't always help their behavior. They come in especially handy when dining out, as you can hand them to your server or anyone sitting close by. Years ago I had received a handful of those cards, from an agency that deals with dementia/Alzheimer's, however I can't remember the name of that agency. I'm sure you can probably "Google" those cards and print them off.
I've posted this here before, but once again, a person with dementia is not unlike a toddler. You don't take toddlers who can't behave out to restaurants, and neither should you take out a dementia patient. It isn't a punishment to them but rather they simply aren't able to handle being overstimulated by being in an unfamiliar place.
As everyone else has said, consider bringing food home instead. It isn't fair to the person with dementia to put them in an unfamiliar situation, nor is it fair for other diners to have to put up with the outbursts and have their dining experience ruined.
The violent behavior displayed is unacceptable! I suggest getting food and having a picnic! I am sorry for what you are going through! I am dealing with the same things! God bless you and your family!
I wouldn't take her out again. But if you do and she acts up, have the food packaged up and leave the restaurant right then. I used to do that with my child. She only did it once.
I have been in this situation. I reduced the number of restaurant visits. Also the Alzheimer’s association sent me cards to give to waitpeople. The cards simply said my partner has Alzheimer’s please be patient or something like that. Your situation was threatening and therefore as others have suggested—get take out.
Handle it matter of fact. Do NOT get upset yourself. State quietly to the parent that you understand he/she is upset. Try to rectify the problem. Continue to finish your meal.
If you are getting rude comments from others, explain that _______ has dementia and that this is part of the disease. Apologize for interrupting their meal and ask them to be patient until ______ can calm down.
If you find your parent is frequently acting out in public, it might be helpful to ask the doctor for anti-anxiety medication. The medication can help your parent to relax and not become agitated or combative.
You stop taking them / him or her to a restaurant.
Why are you taking your parent out when they exhibit this behavior? And you know they have dementia? Take parent to a park and have a picnic. Perhaps sign up for day-care where they have 'lunch' time or some meal. Obviously, this is unacceptable and inappropriate behavior in a public restaurant. I'm not clear on the question really. Or perhaps I do not understand why you would take a parent out to a public place when they may act out in inappropriate ways.
It is no more inappropriate than a child who stands on a chair, or throws food on the floor. People with dementia do not need shutting away they need staff and adults to understand their behaviour may not be ideal, but one just gets on with it, unless the choice of restaurant is inappropriate and mainly children and young people who may not understand.
I agree with other that the change of environment can be unsettling and create problems, However, that said, we've had some special occasions come up and I have done what I could to make it easy on everyone. Just inviting a couple close friends who understand and can deal with what behavior might be evident, ordering for my mom, knowing what she would like, or having a small restaurant know in advance and do a preset, preprinted menu that had only 2 items listed for each course. A bigger concern if my father who doesn't process things through...so he might stop at say a Panera with outdoor seating and expect her to sit outside and wait for him to bring the food out which is risky. But more often than not the food is brought home. I must say that the Capital Grille near us was exceptionally kind when they had their 70th anniversary. My guess is one of the private dining rooms that easily would have held 12 was otherwise not engaged, and so they seated us in there. This was a blessing not only for my mother who typically doesn't behave badly, but for my father who is deaf and speaks LOUDLY. If you want to go out, also think of going early or late...late lunch instead of dinner etc.
You don't do anything - you call your LO down, and then you apologise to anyone upset and tell them that she suffers from dementia and get on with your meal. If you get any mouth back, tell them they are fortunate not to be in the position your LO is. If you are asked to leave then do so without paying telling the restaurant as you haven't finished your meal you are not paying for it. But provided you do not pick eating places with a lot of young (child/teenage) people who may not understand be distressed then make as little fuss as possible and carry on. People need to learn more tolerance towards the rights of those with dementia to do normal activities and have no more notice of "quirks" taken than one would of a child.
Most people are very understanding when you explain that your loved one has dementia. Alzheimer's Association has cards, the size of business cards that state..Please be patient the person I am with has dementia. Or something to that effect. You can buy them on line or I am sure you can have your own made up. Try to keep calm, try to keep your husband calm but if it escalates you need to protect you and your husband. If ANYONE threatens you or your husband in any way pick up your phone and dial 911 and tell the dispatcher that you or your husband is being threatened and you are afraid that you will or he will be harmed.
Teepa Snow’s website (positive Approach to Care) sells wonderful business sized cards called “Companion Cards”that can be given out in public to waitresses, medical staff, in store personnel , etc. They say things like: “I’d like you to know my companion is living with a form of dementia. Please know their behavior and ability is a result of brain change due to the effects of dementia. I apologize in advance if somethings that are done might surprise or distress you.” You can purchase a pack of 75 cards through her website for $15.00
Im sure that you have heard the expression "they are going through their second childhood" and we usually all laugh cause generally we are heading. But now that I'm ready to turn 76 yrs young. Sometimes we aren't teasing. I've become painfully aware that dementia patients do go thru second childhood. What am I trying to say. Treat her as I did your own children when they were having a tantrum you ignore them . They are seeking attention when they don't get that attention, they Ct hour. I know that it is dmbradsinv to you whether that person is 2 or 92. Be asurex that it is Irratating, frustrating,and there is always a rude person who will make a comment but believe me trust me 99% of the people understand. "There but for the grace of God go I". None of us know what life is going to fish out "stuff happens". My grandma had alzheimer's and was in a mental hospital. We would go to see her at least once a month. Before she fell and broke her hip we could take her off the grounds and out to eat. My dad found this small restaurant one Sunday we were the only customers and at the end of the meal grandma peed herself and of course all over the floor. My dad was do embrassed if he could have gone invisible he would have . But the owners understood that my grandma was ill and didn't remember us it was still loved by her family. The owner was very understanding and tried to smooth things over and told my dad not to sorry. Needless to say we never took her out to eat again. My father died of same illness and embrassed my step mother except with #2. People are understanding. So when your mother has a tantrum ignore her until she sees she isn't getting the attention she will stop in mid triade. Easier said than done. "There but for the grace of God go I".
Sharon, I don’t know about you, but when my kids were 2 years old and had a tantrum at the restaurant, we paid the bill immediately and LEFT. That’s exactly what I did when my mother was 95 and had a temper tantrum at the restaurant. I immediately paid the bill and WE LEFT.
My mother by the way, told me she did this when I was a child and she told me to do this when my kids were toddlers. She said nobody wants to hear a kid having a tantrum when they are trying to eat dinner!!!
(source: https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/tips-coping-sundowning#:~:text=They%20may%20experience%20sundowning%E2%80%94restlessness,asleep%20and%20stay%20in%20bed.)
A strategy could be to take them out for breakfast or lunch, but not dinners. Or, only take them to fast-food places and sit outside. I hope this info helps you.
I couldn’t deal with it. I would be saying, ‘Check, please!’ and leave as quickly as possible. I wouldn’t stick around for it to escalate.
I still wouldn’t take her out but I do see how they are useful in this situation.
As everyone else has said, consider bringing food home instead. It isn't fair to the person with dementia to put them in an unfamiliar situation, nor is it fair for other diners to have to put up with the outbursts and have their dining experience ruined.
If you are getting rude comments from others, explain that _______ has dementia and that this is part of the disease. Apologize for interrupting their meal and ask them to be patient until ______ can calm down.
If you find your parent is frequently acting out in public, it might be helpful to ask the doctor for anti-anxiety medication. The medication can help your parent to relax and not become agitated or combative.
Why are you taking your parent out when they exhibit this behavior?
And you know they have dementia?
Take parent to a park and have a picnic.
Perhaps sign up for day-care where they have 'lunch' time or some meal.
Obviously, this is unacceptable and inappropriate behavior in a public restaurant.
I'm not clear on the question really. Or perhaps I do not understand why you would take a parent out to a public place when they may act out in inappropriate ways.
She would ask people who went to the bathroom, “If everything came out alright?” Oh, yeah, lots of funny looks and a few people giggling awkwardly.
Oh my gosh, she did so many things! Family and friends stopped taking her out.
She ended up in a nursing home.
Alzheimer's Association has cards, the size of business cards that state..Please be patient the person I am with has dementia. Or something to that effect. You can buy them on line or I am sure you can have your own made up.
Try to keep calm, try to keep your husband calm but if it escalates you need to protect you and your husband.
If ANYONE threatens you or your husband in any way pick up your phone and dial 911 and tell the dispatcher that you or your husband is being threatened and you are afraid that you will or he will be harmed.
“I’d like you to know my companion is living with a form of dementia. Please know their behavior and ability is a result of brain change due to the effects of dementia. I apologize in advance if somethings that are done might surprise or distress you.”
You can purchase a pack of 75 cards through her website for $15.00
attention, they Ct hour. I know that it is dmbradsinv to you whether that person is 2 or 92. Be asurex that it is
Irratating, frustrating,and there is always a rude person who will make a comment but believe me trust me 99% of the people understand. "There but for the grace of God go I". None of us know what life is going to fish out "stuff happens". My grandma had alzheimer's and was in a mental hospital. We would go to see her at least once a month. Before she fell and broke her hip we could take her off the grounds and out to eat. My dad found this small restaurant one Sunday we were the only customers and at the end of the meal grandma peed herself and of course all over the floor. My dad was do embrassed if he could have gone invisible he would have . But the owners understood that my grandma was ill and didn't remember us it was still loved by her family. The owner was very understanding and tried to smooth things over and told my dad not to sorry. Needless to say we never took her out to eat again. My father died of same illness and embrassed my step mother except with #2. People are understanding. So when your mother has a tantrum ignore her until she sees she isn't getting the attention she will stop in mid triade. Easier said than done. "There but for the grace of God go I".
My mother by the way, told me she did this when I was a child and she told me to do this when my kids were toddlers. She said nobody wants to hear a kid having a tantrum when they are trying to eat dinner!!!