I'm not sure I mentioned this in my first message (which was so warmly received last week and I thank you all!) but my mother also has uncontrollable angry outbursts that can last anywhere from half an hour to all night long. She becomes the nastiest, meanest, angriest person I've ever seen. It's like I'm watching the Exorcist and wouldn't be one bit surprised to see her head spin around.
She's in a wheelchair but thinks she can walk. She can't even transfer from bed to chair to toilet, etc. by herself and screams at people when they try to help her. We live in fear of her anger because we're brainwashed into thinking her feelings matter the most and you MUST NOT UPSET the person with dementia! I feel like screaming at her, "You have dementia and don't know what the @#%$@#$%^ you're talking about!! The reason you don't know you can't walk is because you have dementia. Dementia. DEMENTIA. It's not everyone else who can't remember, it's YOU."
Yes, that sounds horrible, doesn't it? I never actually say it. I scream it inside my head when I try for the 1200th time to tell her that "your Dr. just wants to make sure you're safe, that's why people are here to help you".
We are looking into memory care now. And yet despite all I've written, I'm still torn. About 30 minutes a day she's a decent human being. I have pictures in my head of her sitting alone in her room scared, lost, confused and alone. It breaks my heart. At the same time, I'm coming to hate this woman who used to be my mother. And lemme tell you, she wasn't that much more amiable before she had dementia. She's always been narcissistic and me-centric. She never had one iota of self-awareness or accountability. Everything was always someone else's fault. She is still that person times a million now. I keep hoping she'll someday become a fun dementia patient who says goofy things and wears silly hats and laughs at the little things. Yes, I realize I'm delusional.
So, I write to you, dear warrior friends. You get it. You know the feelings without me even having to type them, but type them I do. Sending them out into the universe where they have fallen on compassionate ears and hearts. I so appreciate the response I got to my first note. I haven't felt that in a long time. That feeling that I'm not alone. I'm not in this by myself fighting for my sanity. I feel like we're all in this together. My dearest wish is that some of these words help some of you as you've helped me in your response.
That's it for tonight. Tomorrow? Onward and upward, right?
P.S. It just dawned on me that I haven't asked a question! My question is, what are your most successful distractions when your LO is uncontrollably angry?
Thank you :)