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I was so frustrated by my mother that I took a coffee mug and threw it as hard as I could against a brick wall outside. The damn thing bounced off with only a chip. It was unbelievable. The good news is I started to laugh so hard that the tension left me and I returned to the house feeling better. For awhile at least. 🙄😏

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Exercise exercise exercise. Yoga, swimming, walking, anything to move past and away from my annoyances.
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Reply to Frances73
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Well, I’m not going to judge you at all. I sat in my car with the radio and a/c on and just screamed. It helped. However, I read, pray, watch old and ride my stationary bike. These things definitely help. Keep searching. You will find ways for coping that work for you.
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Reply to Sunnydayze
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If you are mom's caregiver, then you definitely need to learn some coping skills, other than trying to smash coffee mugs, although that seemed to do the trick if but only temporary. I can only guess(since you've not given us much to go on)that since you are experiencing such frustration, that you are not taking enough time away for just yourself. It's so important as a caregiver, that we take time away from our situations do little things that we enjoy, to help alleviate the stress. Something as simple as going for a walk around the neighborhood, going shopping, going to church, going out for lunch or supper with a friend, or just going in your room to read a good book, can help rejuvenate your soul and relieve some of the stress. And if all else fails, you can do what a wise, elder caregiver taught us in my local support group, and that is to go out on your back porch or patio, and SCREAM at the top of your lungs.
Wishing you the best, and hoping that you are going to start taking care of yourself, so you can continue on this journey with your mom.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I’ve started vegetable gardening right around the house so I’m close by & not out of the house for long. Now that it’s winter I set up a grow light area for lettuces & herbs. I’m cooking more. I just ordered from an Italian website so I can see about making close to authentic Italian pizza. I can make jewelry again like I used to with all the supplies already on hand. I’m also cleaning out the house, reorganizing since my daughter has aged out & flown the coop. Projects & feeling like I accomplished something daily, make me happy.
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Reply to Kelkel
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InFamilyService Jan 9, 2021
Sounds like me! I am rooting and growing all kinds of vegetable and herbs. I love to cook and crochet, etc. I have committed to a bible study podcast which I am enjoying very much. Doing more purging around the house and cleaning. Read quite a few books. Doing simple things I enjoy helps tremendously .
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Wow! Where did you get that cup from? It's good that relieved your stress and brought some levity to the situation, but if you don't find another way, you could go thru your entire set of dishes.

What are you trying to cope with?
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Reply to sjplegacy
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I remember one poster used to go into the garage and scream - hopefully she didn't have any close neighbours 🤣
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Reply to cwillie
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When I was doing it ft for my mom, I’d run/jog as fast as I could until I was tired to release the tension. I’d walk the rest of the hour.

Listening to YouTube for drugstore makeup & skincare tutorials was fun. Would take mom with me to Walgreens. She looked at her own stuff (toys & socks) & I’d pick out my stuff. Sometimes she’d sit in the car and wait for me. It may not work if mom is home bound to go shopping in person. Target & Walmart have free delivery if you buy $35 of stuff.

Also listened to alternative (angry) music I liked in high school - The Clash, The Sex Pistols, X, The Smiths. Would sing along.
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Reply to MMasonSt
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Sunnydayze Jan 10, 2021
Yes it YouTube tutorials! They are a great distraction!
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I listen to a lot of different podcasts especially when I can’t sleep at night. Not only about dementia but Carol Howell on “Lets Talk Dementia” has a great sense of humor, understands caregiving and has a sweet soothing southern voice. Being able to smile helps.
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Reply to Laburtck
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Another kitchenware thrower here. When I was emptying out my parents/childhood home ( FULL of stuff ) I had a huge stack of china plates and cups to set aside for an aunt. “ What would happen if I threw some at the wall,” I thought. So I did - it really was a huge pile so a few broken ones wouldn’t make any difference.

Wouldn’t you know it, the first plate went right through the wall and stuck there like a throwing star. I was shocked, then said to heck with it and threw a few more. Some bounced off and exploded, some stuck in the wall. In the end I cleaned up the satisfying mess and looked up how to repair drywall and bought the supplies.

Right when I was going to fix it, mom had an emergency so I was dealing with ER stuff instead. Ended up telling the real estate agents so sorry, I had an accident with some furniture...hahahahahaha....they said nothing....lol

I can’t throw plates every day so I try to exercise a lot.
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Reply to Madisoncuckoo7
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My mother (age 90) has lived with me and my husband for 2 years. The short story is I regret this decision greatly, and of course, with hind site, see how I should have handled the situation. Because of COVID I have not been able to make other living arrangements. I am newly retired and with the help of my husband I am trying and practicing different coping mechanisms. Walking, long phone conversation in private with friends, reading and learning new things. What I don’t have a clue how to cope with is the anger and resentment, almost hate building in me towards my 4 siblings that have not given me one thank you for giving their mother a good, safe, caring and happy home even though it has lessened greatly what they used to do for her. I have received more gratitude from them for pet sitting their pet! They call mom once a week and see her infrequently but I feel they should say thank you to me for shouldering the main responsibility and care of their mother.
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Reply to Allora2
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bundleofjoy Jan 10, 2021
dear allora,

courage! hugs!!
i totally understand you, and
what you write about siblings.

i truly can’t understand how it’s possible for siblings not to say thank you.

my conclusion, is that i never realized values/ethics/morals can be so different from sibling to sibling.

and not bothering to say thank you.

it’s almost like some siblings want us to be angry, frustrated, ignored...
maybe some of them even want our lives to be destroyed. maybe some take pleasure in the hard times caregivers have. i think it’s possible.

they might even be happy they’re creating anger, resentment, frustration...

——these are all negative emotions that the caregiver then carries around.

don’t let these people “win”.

succeed! be happy! smile!! :) try to find good solutions, so your life blossoms. don’t let them “win”.
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