Hi everyone, first time posting... I just wondered if anyone had any advice. I am helping with my partner's mum by sorting daily meals etc.. Basically, me and my partner have little savings as lost work prior to caring role. The hardest thing is that she doesn't want to listen about her tenancy, it's been neglected now to point that chimney may need rebuilding. We may need to move. Thing is she put her son in hospital from stress of not wanting to deal with this, and now anything we suggest about housing bits is ignored and gets nasty about it or storms off. This despite her son catching pneumonia due to lack of good boiler, which thank god my partner told them off to fix. But-he gets no thanks, it's her tenancy. And she helps pay toward his car, and when we told her we had intentions to leave, she has since been using abusive words and threatening to take away anything she has helped to get. She has also carried on shouting and being sarcastic around my partner when he had to sit on the floor after having a heart issue. She basically says it's her house and she does not want telling what to do, so also worse part is being threatened, if she does not get her way, she says she will threaten to say we are verbally abusive, we have had to resort to voice recording her. We are early 30s and others have a life and we are being threatened like this to leave and have the items bought as gifts threatened to be taken away if we go in our own place... She's also saying we talk behind her back, and it doesn't bother her that my partner had pneumonia due to her argumentative and stressful behaviour delaying the process. My partner told me not to say anything but it's soo difficult. Believe me if I could move I would.
Louise, I think you are wise to keep out of it. If you are in your 30s, Mom can not be much older than her 60s maybe early 70s. That really isn't old. What do you actually need to to for her. Are there things you do for her that she can do for herself. A while back a poster asked if she was enabling her Mom. A reply said not enabling but disabling.
If u can afford to move out, do it. You may be surprised what she can do once on her own. If ur from the UK, Country Mouse maybe able to help u find resources for her.
Tell her there is a safety issue with the place. A repair will fix problems.
You and partner need to be in the position to help or it will feel more and more like servitude as her needs grow. Stay healthy and find work.
So, from what I can glean:
Your partner lives with his mother in a rented property.
The property has been in poor condition for some time.
The landlord has now at least fixed the boiler, which is something.
You moved in - when? From where? Why?
Apart from the car, what sort of items is your partner's mother expecting to hang on to when he and you move out?
Not in too much detail, but it would be helpful to know roughly where you are - which country, at least.
I wouldn't expect an otherwise healthy man in his 30s to contract pneumonia, no matter how argumentative his mother was. Does your partner have underlying health difficulties?
Your partner’s mom sounds like she is controlling and manipulative? Am I right?
Is she blackmailing you?
I think you should move if you can find an affordable place.
Can you explain more about the son being in the hospital?
Does your partners mom need your help or you hers? It’s hard to tell from your post.
If you are providing care, you need a caregivers contract. You and your partner need to be paid. Then you can buy your own necessities. Were the gifts she gave for payment of care?
Depending on your states tenancy laws, she can’t put you out without evicting you. Look up the eviction laws for your state.
What health issues does she have that require your assistance. It sounds like it may be too difficult a case for your partner. I know it’s hard To be independent with Covid. Hopefully things will be better in a few months.
If you and your partner are able bodied folks in your early 30s, I encourage you to be out seeking your own fortunes as soon as possible.
If her issue is dementia, remember...she has dementia. She will not get better. She has lost the ability to reason. Give more information for more detailed answers.
I hope your partners health improves soon.
Mum, in hospital, and boiler rather than Mom, in the hospital, and furnace or heater.