I don't make New Year's Resolution's. I think I'm always a work in progress. There are things I'm always grappling with. I'm interested to hear what others are working on to better themselves and how you are going about doing it.

I'll start: I'm trying to not judge others. I'm trying to look within more and correct my own faults more instead of criticizing those around me. I'm still struggling with this so please don't judge if you see me still doing a number on other people. :)

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My challenge is to change my story with my younger daughter, about whom I have wept many tears. She is not the same loving and empathetic person she was as she grew up. I have to accept that and move on. Regrets are not good for my health or for my husband, who cares about me.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

Good topic for a Question. Every year for me has been something new and different. Not much has stayed the same in my life yet for years at a time.

I didn't make any NY resolutions. I have in the past and mostly never kept them, though I think it did help to put ideas for change in the front of my mind.

This year I didn't make any, but as I was doing a workout this past week I realized with crystal clear clarity what I want to accomplish in my life in 2019. When this year ends, I want there to be no pieces of clothing (I have 3 closets of stuff right now) or jewelry (I used to buy and sell and have a bit of stock left), or music media (I have crates of records and CDs) that I'm not using or have a plan for.

This year is the year I get rid of all the clutter of a life I had in the past and clean it out for the years I have ahead of me.

That's a darn good goal, imo. I think I can do it but it will take consistent effort to keep hacking away at things.
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Reply to AliBoBali

I was thinking about this thread today. And I realized another thing I really want to work on in myself.
Living in each moment.
I feel I get caught up in getting through something or getting on to the next thing, that I miss out on a lot of joy. I know this robs God of my acknowledging more blessings, or even thanksgiving. It robs others of joy too if I am just rushing through things.
So I am going to try really hard to "stop and smell the roses." And be more of an active listener instead of just an ear. Just each try and live each moment as it comes.

Thanks Gershun, this thread is very thought provoking.
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Reply to smeshque

This is a great topic indeed Gershun.

Work in progress or Work in Process, in accounting and financial terms abbreviated as “WIP”, and yes that is me! But better work in progress than motionless matter!

I have said this many times because it is simply the truth: My caregiving journey is the biggest test and learning opportunity I have had in my life. So I’m sure that with or without my consent there will be a lot more growing I’ll experience!

And although personal growing is normally uncomfortable and even painful, I know it makes me a better human being. So, what I’m working on primarily is “learning not to miss the learnings” life is offering me. Every challenge could go by just causing me to react with sadness, anger or frustration and despair, all very common feelings for us caregivers, but if I am able to see beyond those feelings and get over them, I will see and receive the lesson!

In order not to miss those lessons I need to work on my ability to be humble, to have a clear and realistic view, to be honest, to be patient because patience is the key to wisdom and love! To put love over tiredness, love over resentment, love over anger, love for others above love for myself! Quite a task, but the beauty of it is that I believe it summarizes all the rest I need to work on, because If I put in practice my love for others I won’t criticize as much, as won’t get angry, won’t resent, won’t let pride guide my actions, won’t feel despair, etc.

To prepare myself for that, I’m trying to enrich my spiritual life giving myself more time for praying and connecting with God every day. I am a firm believer that faith can in fact move mountains, and in this case the mountain is myself!
I need all my faith to have a solid foundation for the change I hope to experience!
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Reply to Rosses003

Gershun- It is quite interesting that you have brought this up. I like it. But, what is more interesting is that today, as we were driving through town, I was thinking of this topic, judging. It is something I think we all struggle with as humans. I know over the years I have really had to work on this. What I find that helps me, whenever I begin to have thoughts of placing judgement on others is this:
Matthew 7:1-2, "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."
This helps me to put myself in check. Knowing that whatever judgement I place on another, I will be judged in that way as well.
But also what I think of is all my own imperfections. My lack of patience at times. My pride, my insecurity, the list goes on and on.
But, My biggest one to me, is not loving the Lord with All my heart, mind and soul. Sometimes I feel I just give him bits and pieces.

So along with you I strive to not be judgmental, But my goal in this year, and in this life, is to Love God with every ounce of my being. I have yet to figure out how to do that. But, I want to pray more, and absorb his word more. Maybe in Loving more it can be reached.
I have so much to work on.
Praying for you Gershun, the fact that you are aware, and want to change a behavior is a step toward overcoming it. Best wishes.
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Reply to smeshque

I'm also working on giving God all of me instead of bits and pieces. I also need to work doing the best that I can and not worry about what others say or think about me. I also need to let go of some things that happened in the past.
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Reply to Teresa914

Great topic!
I would like to think that we are all works in progress, but the really important thing is that we keep working. A baby step is progress after all, and a step in the right direction.
I want to be more patient.
I have no problem whatsoever with answering the same questions over and over and over... And many other facets of caring for someone with dementia.
But... The ocd "cleaning" drives me insane! It isn't actually Cleaning but straightening. And if Only She hid things I didn't care about, LOL. I try to keep my things out of sight. And instead of reacting, I just talk to myself and count to 100 while watching where she hides things. If I see her doing it. She thinks she is putting things away, but really she is just shoving things in any available space. Ugh.
So, I will keep trying. And when I screw up, and quiz her about where something went and get upset....I will apologize, and remember that tomorrow she won't remember.
Sparkles ✨
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Reply to sparkles87

Being as selfish as dementia is I can’t continue with the premise that it’s normal. My mom has long term care. I’ve been a prisoner too long. I’ve never in my life put myself first. I’m going to try. My mom is slowly sucking the life out of me. I have to place her. It will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done
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Reply to Erinm60

So... I am full of things that need working on. :) Another thing I am desperately trying to change is a feeling to complain or murmur. I try and keep in mind things can always be or get worse.
I do not want to be like the children of Israel in the wilderness complaining about Manna, remembering the delicious cucumbers back in Egypt. They had super trouble for all their complaints.
So I am trying really hard to "go with the flow" and remind myself that all things work together for good to them that love God. So I just have to remember that in the midst of when things don't seem so good or to go the way I think they should, that it in some way is for my own good and it will work out as planned.
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Reply to smeshque
Rosses003 Mar 9, 2019
Oh Smeshque, you and me and many others too, I’m afraid. That is one of my worst weaknesses, although I don’t say anything out loud, it is like you said, murmuring or simply thinking of it. I think it is basically, in my case anyway, lack of patience.

As a caregiver I feel at the very beginning I had more endurance and let things just go and didn’t lose patience so much, but now I’ve terrible trouble being patient. I don’t act on it but my mind is the problem. For example, some days I’m very tired, physically tired, and I’m looking forward to being able to go to bed, but then I’m asked to do something, and then something else, and so on, and in my head (shame on me!) I get actually mad! Although I don’t say anything, nor act mad, but inside it upsets me. What a difficult weakness to fight against.

We human beings have a tendency not to really realize and appreciate all the gifts we are given, for example-using my situation for instance- if we have someone that requires our presence all the time, is because we have someone! If we are asked to do things when we would rather rest, well first, we are able to do them which means we are physically able! And two, we are able to serve! Through this we are being given the opportunity to work on our patience and on our way to give love!
There is more positive aspects and blessings than reasons to complain, always.
It is our view which needs to change. So NOT easy! But like we have said before, we are nothing but a work in progress with the hope to become better each day. May the Lord help us in our mission!
You know something? Reading all these honest, introspecting thoughts and feelings about ourselves, made me feel as if all of us have been friends since our childhood years!
It feels to me that this is a wonderful reunion, where we open our heart to each other. How very therapeutic!

I am glad that Gershun dared to post such a deeply- searching question.
Interestingly, I am reading that research finds the most content and serene age group to be the Seniors:
—letting go of things that cannot be changed,
—enjoy the simplest pleasures
—not letting the past take up the present
—accept and love with action, family members who are not who we would like them to be
—be a Volunteer to brighten someone’s life, whenever possible
—forgiving others. It is a gift to ourselves!
—-not getting mad. Taking deep breaths and “ choosing our battles, since as Caregivers we have so many everyday! The body and the mind stay calmer and that is healthier.
—Praying for guidance to be able to live the life we believe in. Clarity and calmness clothes us as God is pleased with our imperfect,
well intended efforts.

I personally try to live one hour at a time, making the best of it for my husband , my family and myself.
My goal is to stay the course, to follow my beliefs, to be grateful
for whatever I still have, to have no regrets and to finish strong.
I am the Author of my own life,
in spite my difficult circumstances.
God IS my Shepherd and I live in peace “that passes human understanding”

I do use my perfumes and I do listen to soft music and I make time to read what each one of you, dear
Caregivers share on this most valuable forum!

When I read Tuesday With Morrie, a sad, real story, I learned to enjoy the little that I have, before I possibly loose that too. Life is a solving one challenge after another and enjoying the little breaks in between.

As far as judging others? I used to do that a lot. Now, I have no time or energy for that. It is what it is. I have no more expectations of others, reminding myself that “everyone carries their own emotional bags”
I find it liberating!
God bless each one of you! 🌹
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Reply to Godguidesme

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