What are you working on within yourself?

I am working on patience! I failed today. Tomorrow is another chance!

Lately I have been working on not growing weary in well doing. Trying to maintain a positive and cheerful attitude when I get worn out. I fail daily.
But I hope one day to truly not grow weary in well doing. I'm praying for it.

Frazzled- you are spot on with my feelings of home and others' homes. I am always just so uncomfortable in either case. However, if we have a function outdoors, it is easier for me, feel less trapped. But been too hot. Forgiveness is freeing, so freeing when we can obtain it. It is hard, but the fact that it is something you want, I know you will be able to.

Gershun- Love and acceptance of ourselves is a challenge. One I struggle with as well. But doable and we will get there. What I am learning is that when we feel good about ourselves and are kind to ourselves, we are even more loving and kind to others. We set our own standards on ourselves and when we fall short, we feel bad. It is hard.

I'd forgotten I started this thread. Another thing I need to work on. Keeping track of threads I start.

I've got a new one. Learn to love myself more. Lately, I've been not well and the other night it dawned on me I always pray for myself last. Maybe it's time to make myself more of a priority.

Forgiveness is definitely something I am working and need to work on, especially with certain family members. I am learning to accept the things about my family situation that I cannot change, but the forgiving is the hard part.

Hospitality doesn't come easily to me either, Smeshque. My home is my comfort zone, and when I have guests, I feel like I have to entertain, and yes the privacy issue also. It's hard to fully relax. I totally understand where you're coming from. I also have a hard time being a guest at someone else's home for the same reason, except the having to entertain part.

I want to work on finding the best in people. Sometimes when I am having a really stressful time I tend to see the faults in people around me and I get irritated and it makes the stress worse. I also want to work on my acceptance that my grandma has dementia and no matter how much I feel she wants to make my life a living hell that is not who she is. Everyday I work on new strategies to overcome the frustration of the rollercoaster ride of taking care of a person with dementia.

There is so much I want to change about myself, so I went to therapy. After 3 years, there is some improvements. But I often slip back to old habits and have to recommit. I want to work on acceptance of others, and like Gershun, not judging.

I surely do not want others to be like me, and am happy for others who succeed
in being the free spirits they are.

P.S.
How did I miss this thread all this time? Tonight it just came up on my news feed.
Likely, thanks to Smeshque.

Honestly sometimes I have days where I feel I am back to sqaure one. With this new addition of responsibilities, I feel like I did when I first came to aging care. Feeling scared, hopeless, and alone.
The only difference is that I have an understanding now that I did not have then. I know that with God's help and time, I will get it figured out. I have had a tremendously hard time since the addition of my new responsibility.
I have life now with Mom down to a science as they say( whoever they are). But figuring out life with the new responsibility has been rough.
So I guess now I am working on patience again, not with Mom now, I have been blessed to have that most of the time with her. But now patience with AB. And I am also praying to be more hospitable. Hospitality is not something that comes easy and natural for me. It was me and DH for many years alone, and although we did things with others at times, we were most content just being with each other alone at home. Even if we did nothing. I finally got use to having my parents here and we got that down. Even though that is still hard. But it has been difficult not to feel like we have no privacy. And I truly do not want to feel that way, it just does. I love him, it is just getting use to another person around. I know it is my own flaw and weakness and I am praying about it.
So again I am working on patience and hospitality.

You know something? Reading all these honest, introspecting thoughts and feelings about ourselves, made me feel as if all of us have been friends since our childhood years!
It feels to me that this is a wonderful reunion, where we open our heart to each other. How very therapeutic!

I am glad that Gershun dared to post such a deeply- searching question.
Interestingly, I am reading that research finds the most content and serene age group to be the Seniors:
—Maturity,
—letting go of things that cannot be changed,
—enjoy the simplest pleasures
—not letting the past take up the present
—accept and love with action, family members who are not who we would like them to be
—be a Volunteer to brighten someone’s life, whenever possible
—forgiving others. It is a gift to ourselves!
—-not getting mad. Taking deep breaths and “ choosing our battles, since as Caregivers we have so many everyday! The body and the mind stay calmer and that is healthier.
—Praying for guidance to be able to live the life we believe in. Clarity and calmness clothes us as God is pleased with our imperfect,
well intended efforts.

I personally try to live one hour at a time, making the best of it for my husband , my family and myself.
My goal is to stay the course, to follow my beliefs, to be grateful
for whatever I still have, to have no regrets and to finish strong.
I am the Author of my own life,
in spite my difficult circumstances.
God IS my Shepherd and I live in peace “that passes human understanding”

I do use my perfumes and I do listen to soft music and I make time to read what each one of you, dear
Caregivers share on this most valuable forum!

When I read Tuesday With Morrie, a sad, real story, I learned to enjoy the little that I have, before I possibly loose that too. Life is a solving one challenge after another and enjoying the little breaks in between.

As far as judging others? I used to do that a lot. Now, I have no time or energy for that. It is what it is. I have no more expectations of others, reminding myself that “everyone carries their own emotional bags”
I find it liberating!
God bless each one of you! 🌹

What I have been trying to work on this year is to make a difference in the lives of others. When, I have a burden, setback, emotional pain, etc., I am trying to focus my energy on someone who is less fortunate. I was incredibly blessed last year and it's time to pay it forward.

So... I am full of things that need working on. :) Another thing I am desperately trying to change is a feeling to complain or murmur. I try and keep in mind things can always be or get worse.
I do not want to be like the children of Israel in the wilderness complaining about Manna, remembering the delicious cucumbers back in Egypt. They had super trouble for all their complaints.
So I am trying really hard to "go with the flow" and remind myself that all things work together for good to them that love God. So I just have to remember that in the midst of when things don't seem so good or to go the way I think they should, that it in some way is for my own good and it will work out as planned.

Being as selfish as dementia is I can’t continue with the premise that it’s normal. My mom has long term care. I’ve been a prisoner too long. I’ve never in my life put myself first. I’m going to try. My mom is slowly sucking the life out of me. I have to place her. It will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done

I had said that I was going to try and live in the moment. Well, I have been practicing it. Very difficult for me. But I have slowed my pace a little and have begun to enjoy the simple things in life. Even just watching birds, or listening to my Moms stories, and just trying to remain patient.
I have noticed the last few days, that I have really made an effort to do this, that I feel more at peace. I can't really explain it any other way.
So I will keep trying to live in the moment. Now, I know I won't always be able to do it. But, now I see what benefits it brings when I can. So I will continue praying on it and practicing it.

Thank you Gershun, if you wouldn't have started this thread, I wouldn't have made a conscious effort or recognized the need for me to do this. I appreciate you provoking thought in me on improving my interior.

Patience is definitely a tough one. I think for most on here. It gets better with much practice and much prayer.
Practice never makes perfect, only better.

Patience is something else I need to work on too JoAnn. I don't realize this until my patience is tested. For instance a couple of weeks ago I called a cab to be at my place at 5:00pm. I had called ahead of time. 5:20pm., still no cab. I was meeting someone and she doesn't like to be kept waiting. By the time the cab got here I was flustered and angry. Which is totally not my personality usually.

Yesterday, waiting for maintenance person to arrive. Same thing.

Patience, I have none. Gets worse as I get older.

Your welcome Gershun, I think it is a good one. We as humans always have something to work on, and it provokes thoughts of such things.
There is always room for us to grow.

I too think Rosses post was well said and quite thoughtful and real. I wish I could express things like that.

Smeshque! Thx for not giving up on my little thread. It's like the little thread that could.

I think I can.............I think I can.

LOL

Another thing I am trying to work on, is viewing myself as God views me. Not how I see myself. Or not what I feel about myself, but my value through HIS eyes.
Tough one.

Well said Rosses!

This is a great topic indeed Gershun.

Work in progress or Work in Process, in accounting and financial terms abbreviated as “WIP”, and yes that is me! But better work in progress than motionless matter!

I have said this many times because it is simply the truth: My caregiving journey is the biggest test and learning opportunity I have had in my life. So I’m sure that with or without my consent there will be a lot more growing I’ll experience!

And although personal growing is normally uncomfortable and even painful, I know it makes me a better human being. So, what I’m working on primarily is “learning not to miss the learnings” life is offering me. Every challenge could go by just causing me to react with sadness, anger or frustration and despair, all very common feelings for us caregivers, but if I am able to see beyond those feelings and get over them, I will see and receive the lesson!

In order not to miss those lessons I need to work on my ability to be humble, to have a clear and realistic view, to be honest, to be patient because patience is the key to wisdom and love! To put love over tiredness, love over resentment, love over anger, love for others above love for myself! Quite a task, but the beauty of it is that I believe it summarizes all the rest I need to work on, because If I put in practice my love for others I won’t criticize as much, as won’t get angry, won’t resent, won’t let pride guide my actions, won’t feel despair, etc.

To prepare myself for that, I’m trying to enrich my spiritual life giving myself more time for praying and connecting with God every day. I am a firm believer that faith can in fact move mountains, and in this case the mountain is myself!
I need all my faith to have a solid foundation for the change I hope to experience!

I'm also working on giving God all of me instead of bits and pieces. I also need to work doing the best that I can and not worry about what others say or think about me. I also need to let go of some things that happened in the past.

Thx Smashque, I hope more people will post. I think that sometimes self-examination is good for a person.

I met with my sister yesterday. She has had a few setbacks lately. It dawned on me the other day that maybe God was trying to get in touch with her. I felt compelled to say something to her about it. I know God wanted me to say something to her so I did, not really expecting her to welcome the words but I just went ahead and did it anyway. I hope it gave her pause..............maybe to just think about what I meant if nothing else. She is one of these people who could possibly do with a little self-examination and I believe with all these setbacks that God wants that of her. I hope that I did my part by mentioning this to her.

I was thinking about this thread today. And I realized another thing I really want to work on in myself.
Living in each moment.
I feel I get caught up in getting through something or getting on to the next thing, that I miss out on a lot of joy. I know this robs God of my acknowledging more blessings, or even thanksgiving. It robs others of joy too if I am just rushing through things.
So I am going to try really hard to "stop and smell the roses." And be more of an active listener instead of just an ear. Just each try and live each moment as it comes.

Thanks Gershun, this thread is very thought provoking.

im Working on accepting the fact that I’ll be 58 in a couple weeks. My husband is 62. I wish my mother was now as she was even 5 years ago. But not going to happen. Thank you Dementia. Working on that my time is finite. So is hers and everyone else’s in this world. Working on not fealing guilty that I can’t fix her and that I’m so tired of her 100 percent dependency on me and working on getting over my guilt for wanting to place her where she belongs but will resent Working on the reality I’ll be gone in 25 to 30 years and she had a phenomenal great life , So I’m not 18 , and she’s not 42 any more. Accepting I can’t turn back time, working on trying to not feel guilty when I have to place her

I think a great topic for this year!

I am working on putting my past to rest. The things of my childhood are at rest, but the things that have happened in the last 7 years. For example, my dad's death (still thinking I should have done more & there are things I wished I would have said), the things my mother has said and done to me in the last few years, and to learn to forgive myself. I find it is much easier to forgive others than myself. I don't why! And most of all...to learn the difference when it is my fight or God's! Like most people if not all, I too am a work in progress!

I am with you smeshque, I feel like at times I only give Him bits and pieces of myself as well.

Sounds like a good plan Ali. Fortunately when we moved into a new place I donated a sh*tload of stuff. It was cathartic. What was I hanging on to this junk for. You know when someone buys you a perfume set and you get that little carrying case that looks oh so handy when you get it and then ten years later there it sits. Things like that. I was happy to see the end of it all.

Oh, and the pleated pants from the eighties. Yeah, it's coming back in style but I'll never wear them again. Maybe someone will go to the thrift shop and say "hey, vintage" Yep, I'm vintage now. Sigh..................

Good topic for a Question. Every year for me has been something new and different. Not much has stayed the same in my life yet for years at a time.

I didn't make any NY resolutions. I have in the past and mostly never kept them, though I think it did help to put ideas for change in the front of my mind.

This year I didn't make any, but as I was doing a workout this past week I realized with crystal clear clarity what I want to accomplish in my life in 2019. When this year ends, I want there to be no pieces of clothing (I have 3 closets of stuff right now) or jewelry (I used to buy and sell and have a bit of stock left), or music media (I have crates of records and CDs) that I'm not using or have a plan for.

This year is the year I get rid of all the clutter of a life I had in the past and clean it out for the years I have ahead of me.

That's a darn good goal, imo. I think I can do it but it will take consistent effort to keep hacking away at things.

My challenge is to change my story with my younger daughter, about whom I have wept many tears. She is not the same loving and empathetic person she was as she grew up. I have to accept that and move on. Regrets are not good for my health or for my husband, who cares about me.

Great topic!
I would like to think that we are all works in progress, but the really important thing is that we keep working. A baby step is progress after all, and a step in the right direction.
I want to be more patient.
I have no problem whatsoever with answering the same questions over and over and over... And many other facets of caring for someone with dementia.
But... The ocd "cleaning" drives me insane! It isn't actually Cleaning but straightening. And if Only She hid things I didn't care about, LOL. I try to keep my things out of sight. And instead of reacting, I just talk to myself and count to 100 while watching where she hides things. If I see her doing it. She thinks she is putting things away, but really she is just shoving things in any available space. Ugh.
So, I will keep trying. And when I screw up, and quiz her about where something went and get upset....I will apologize, and remember that tomorrow she won't remember.
Thankfully?
Sparkles ✨