Dad is 94 and is really bored. He never enjoyed reading or TV etc. He was always busy with handyman type jobs and could do things from installing central heat and air to rebuilding wrecked cars and RVs. He hates having to sit inside but is no longer very mobile and fine motor control is not great. We created a workroom in the house and gave him things to “work on”. He would rewire a lamp, fix toasters, rebuild a carburetor, etc. Now he only gets frustrated when he can no longer use his hands to work with screws and smaller pieces. He also has no interest in things he deems not having a practical use such as puzzles. Will not attempt technology. He always enjoyed church gatherings and was usually the driver for the church bus on adult outings. His small town, like so many others, is not what it once was and there is little opportunity for seniors and many families have moved away. He will not discuss living with me because I live 60 miles away and he has lived in his house for 70 years. My brother is not open to Dad living with him. None of the family wants him in assisted living and brushes off the idea, not thinking about the positives only the negatives. We do have sitters there most of his waking hours but not around the clock.
Children often take on a need to make things "all better". They want to think they are responsible for happiness. But they are NOT. They cannot change the face of aging any more than they could help their dad when they were toddlers and he sat pondering a table full of bills, unhappy at his inability to address them all in a timely manner.
Life if full of things taken from us, and so far well into his 90s your dad hasn't had his home taken from him. He may well die in his home and that is honestly the best you can hope for now. Aging is what it is. There are things now he cannot do, can only remember.
If Dad has the eyesite and if you can find a nice masculine type scrapbook and a box of pictures, ask him to paste in some for you to look at.
Other than that lame suggestion, this is the end of his life. A time for contemplation. Listening to a book on tape or CD.
Again, this isn't yours to fix. A whole lot in life isn't fixable. This isn't the first time your dad hasn't had life perfect. Ask him if there's anything you can do. Suggest some few things. And other than that accept the imperfection of this thing called living.
Please visit some ALs and take some of "the family" with you for the free lunch they provide. Take a look at the activities board, stay for the visiting karaoke artist, and visit some rooms they have available. A sitter can't compare with the offerings at a nice AL. No wonder dad is bored!
Us caregivers have to be creative and REALLY listen with eyes, ears and heart to what "helps" and what hinders AND remember that we each take care of ourselves first to be available to take care of others.
Good luck.
I love watching the nature shows (NOVA).
And, bringing in a socialization dog might be a good idea (vs visiting a neighbor's dog).
I only travel by AmTrak. If it is possible to get him on a train and if his vision is good enough to see well out the window, it would be a lovely experience / adventure. There is nothing like the visual beauty looking at nature (the snow covered trees) from a train. It is almost surreal as it can go on and on for hours. (Although I don't recommend him travelling when it is snowing, as I do).
Would your dad have interest in that? Check Home Depot or other Big Box Store for kits, Craft Stores might also have kits.
Most need to be put together then painted.
This time of year craft kits for making ornaments can be purchased and he can work on those for gifts for next year.
Are the sitters interacting with your father? Taking him on a short drive around the neighborhood? Maybe have him tell stories about his youth? Can he take photos with a phone or small digital camera? Does the family visit often? They don't want to put him in assisted living, then spend time with him.
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