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Thank you all for your responses. I would have no problem with my 100 year old husband sleeping most of the day if it was reflection of his age, but I feel his sleeping so much is because he is depressed --which he has told me and others. I am hoping to find things to engage him so he wont feel so "isolated" and "lonely" and "depressed," which he recently told his daughter he was feeling. (He has tried an anti-depressant in the past, but it made him lightheaded, and since he is prone to falls, he doesnt want to try another). He does wear hearing aids, but they only help so much, although the music is the best idea, as he enjoys that and can hear music better than speech. He has never tried to listen with headphones, but I will definitely look into that. As for his sight, he has a cataract in one eye and a stroke has caused him to lose his peripheral vision in the other eye, so reading is almost impossible for him. And I dont think he could hear well enough for audio books, but I have never tried them and will definitely do so.



Once again, thank you all for the suggestions. I have been letting him sleep all he wants, but given the fact that he has most of his marbles, his health is stable, and his vital signs are better than mine (and I am 17 years younger)I guess I am hoping for a bit more of life for him, and for us!

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Do an adventure at the zoo or museum.

do a color me mine.decorate ceramics..

if it’s close by, do a wine tour for a weekend.

if you csn afford it and timing is right..

plan a trip to Aruba, and experience the

GREEN FLASH!

or
go somewhere and see the Nortern lights
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Reply to MAYDAY
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Have you considered contacting a trained music therapist?

Some are trained in specific geriatric treatment, and most if not all will be familiar with the needs of people in his situation.

Music therapy is a well researched tool for change and management of troubling conditions, not just listening to “tunes”.

A good fully trained, credentialed music therapist can make miracles for some clients.

Do a Google search and see if you can find a university in your area that trains music therapists, then ask them for a recommendation for a geriatric client.

I will look up the title for REGISTERED music therapists and post it here.

I admire your courage and tenacity in providing for your husband’s welfare.
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AnnReid Nov 14, 2023
GOT IT- Entry Level Music Therapists need to be MTBC (Music Therapy BOARD CERTIFIED), and that’s what you need to seek out for your husband.

BEST of luck to you both!
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If your husband is depressed and the one antidepressant he tried made him lightheaded, try another and another of the multitudes on the market until one works. But don't be surprised if he still wants to sleep a lot, at 100 yrs old. You, at 83, ought to find things to do to occupy yourself that don't involve a man who's no longer capable of doing what an 83 year old can (or wants) to do.

"Life" constitutes something different for you than it does for him.
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rosemore40 Nov 13, 2023
I dont have any problems finding things to do, and really dont expect him to do the same things. We have a man --a senior helper-- who comes 3-4 hours a week, and stays with him if I am gone for long periods of time or do something that is not in the immediate neighborhood. I am just looking for something that will improve his quality of life, and with all due respect to the people who think I should just let him sleep all day, I don't agree. I know him and you don't. We celebrated his 100th birthday by going on a cruise and when we returned, he said he was happy that we went as it proved to him that he was still capable. (And by the way, the cruise was his idea!)
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It sounds as though you have pretty much tried everything from MD and medication to talking and honest discussion of his depression. I cannot personally think of another thing to offer you, given the age related deficits with hearing and site. You have had time together, and he has had time in life that is really quite astounding. At this point it may be of value to give up trying to change things, and to just celebrate together what you have had, and what he has. And do allow him to sleep whenever he should wish to.

I know others likely told you how to reply, but if you post here in Questions, there is a little print below answers to press on to reply. So if I am posting, as now, look below my post, right hand side where it says "reply to alvadeer" and press on that to bring up the reply.
In Discussions section below you reply by creating new post on the observations.
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rosemore40 Nov 13, 2023
Thank you for helping me figure out how to reply. I always appreciate reading your posts, as they are not only sensible but knowledgeable.

I am sorry that you and others have the impression that I don't let him sleep, and should let him sleep when he wants to. I DO!!!!! I don't wish to change things significantly, as I know that's not possible due to his physical shape. I would just like, if I can, to enhance the quality of his life a bit at this point. We have had a wonderful marriage (45 years) and he was always so caring and there for me when I needed (i.e. mother's lung cancer where he helped to care for her, and even took off a day a week, so I could have some respite). But in any case, I will continue to celebrate what we had, and am remind myself that he has had such a long and productive life, and a wonderful career in the health field. I will keep that in mind when I get down and depressed watching him sleep on the couch for hours with a blanket over his head. Thanks for your words of wisdom, AlvaDeer.
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While your 100 year old husband may be depressed, I still think because you now say that you're 17 years younger than he is, that #1 you're in denial that his sleeping a lot is not a "reflection of his age,"(the man's 100 for crying out loud!) and #2 that you are still placing your unrealistic expectations on him because of your age and the fact that you're still wanting to go and do, while he just wants to sleep.
I recommend that you get involved in some women groups at your church, Senior Services or Shepherd Center. All of those have many activities where you can still be active and have fun with other folks your own age.
And let the poor man sleep!
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rosemore40 Nov 13, 2023
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