Well, I could actually write a book about this, but this is the gist of what is going on.

My grandmother passed away last January (1-31-17) (a part of me died that day as well) and I still grieve for her daily. She was my mother (she raised me) and my mother has always been like the sister I loved but did not like…. My mother should never have been allowed to have children.…My grandmother was the caregiver for my mother and brother (whom are both mildly mentally handicapped, mother 71 and brother 43). After my grandmother had her triple bypass she went into a nursing home for rehab. The day she got out of rehab (Nov 17, 2016) my husband and I picked up and moved permanently 2 hours away to my hometown back into the house I grew up in to care for my grandmother, mother and brother. My grandmother never had my mother or brother tested to see what exactly is wrong with them – She never admitted anything was wrong.

For the past 2 years my mother has been driving me insane, well actually everyone in the house including my brother. She lies about feeling like she is having a heart attack occasionally (have taken her to hospital for them to find nothing) …She speaks horrible to my brother who waits on her ass hand and foot….When she gets something on her mind (even the simplest things) she will not shut up about it….She will start babbling, like making noises like she is trying to talk but non sense comes out and then in the middle of doing that she will start talking normal….Honestly, it is like taking care of a child, there is so much more that she does as well….It is completely impossible to carry on a normal conversation with her because In the middle of a sentence she will interrupt and start talking about something totally different and then I get pissed that she wasn’t even listening to me at all….I am not sure if she means to do these things or she can’t help it because the ONLY person she does these things to are my brother….I will stand around the corner and hear her and of course when I do, I see RED and as soon as she sees me she stops and starts acting as normal as possible….Nobody is going to mistreat my brother….NOBODY!!!!

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I dread going home from work because I know what I am facing every day. My Bipolar 2 and anxiety can’t handle it anymore, but my options are limited. There is no other family that could take her, and I don’t think you can put someone in a nursing home just because they get on your nerves 24/7.

God, there is so much more to this saga but again these are the basics. I feel that if something doesn’t give, I am going to have a breakdown very very soon.

I am sorry for this being so long and if you hung in there with me, thank you!!!!


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Tami, so glad you have the appointment for tomorrow. Make sure you tell the psychiatrist that you are no longer able to care for her at home. If need be, print out this page with all you've written, highlight particularly crucial parts you need to emphasize to him or her, whatever you have to do to make it very clear you are no longer able to compromise your own health and life.

Stay strong and keep us posted!
Helpful Answer (0)

Tami, I’m so sorry for your loss. If it wasn’t for my grandma, I’d be a lot worse off, too.

In reading through you post, I found myself wondering if Mom is like the 3 year old who falls on the playground. They’re not hurt, not even a scratch, but they will carry on for 10 minutes just for the attention it gets them. When she was growing up, Mom may have tried that behavior on Grandma as well and didn’t get away with it. Now she’s trying it on you.

But, having said that, Mom needs to get help and be evaluated before she completely destroys you and whoever is left in your family. You aren’t as alone as you think you are. There is help out there but you have to look for it. Good luck..come back and let us know.
Helpful Answer (2)
Tami1971 Nov 2018
Thank you so much - I am sitting here at work with tears in my eyes - We have a psychiatrist appt for her tomorrow to see if we can get her on meds or place her in a nursing home. I just can't do it anymore - My health is failing and I am so depressed!!
Again, thank you!!
I have no advice except for sending you a ((((Hug)))).

Take care
Helpful Answer (5)
Tami1971 Oct 2018
Thank you so much!!
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Tami, my condolences on the passing of your beloved grandmother. It sounds like she was an incredibly strong, compassionate person and raised you to be so, as well! But in my opinion you are totally correct in thinking that this situation is unsustainable and that something's got to give.

Maybe a place to start would be your county's Area Agency on Aging. It may have a slightly different name in your county. The phone number should be on your county's website. I think it's time to get some professional opinions as to what is wrong with your mother (for instance, is dementia now added to the mix?) and how might alternative care be obtained for her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Tami1971 Oct 2018
Thank you and yes she sure was!! I made my mother an appointment with a psychiatrist for Nov. 6th - Maybe that is a good start as we live in a VERY small town with limited resources....Thank you again!!
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