Father gone for 20+ years, a one and done heart attack. Disabled spouse for 15 years who has helped in past with caregiving for my mother but recent changes had him out of the loop. Last week MiL going downhill fast. Can’t be there for her to fill the gap her son leaves because of his health and distance he has to travel to be there for her and step-dad with health problems. Estranged from her daughter (my SIL). About to transition my mother into AL (91, dementia, major short-term memory loss, mobility VERY rough). Looking for other onlies who sometimes wish they were not, lol.

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I’m an only who, a few years ago, had to deal with my mom with dementia and hubby who crashed with not only a near-fatal heart infection but severe mobility issues as well. He is not an only but may as well be. He has 2 sisters and had 2 brothers, one of whom has passed. They have been absolutely no help to me whatsoever. No one calls, emails or texts. A family business that went under caused a lot of hard feelings between oldest sister and oldest brother and the rest of us kind of got dragged into the mess between them.

When end I was growing up, I always wanted a big brother. But having been part of this strange family for 44 years, I sure changed my mind. I rely on myself and that’s the I want it.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

I am an only and sometimes it is better that way. You don't have to fight with a sibling to make a decision. There is no resentment because one thinks the other is not doing enough. On the other hand there is no one to vent to either.

You do the best you can and that is it. Find them a safe place to be but thinking you can be all to them is just plain crazy. You deserve a life too.

One thing at a time. Get your mother settled into AL then help you in laws do the same if they are inclined to go. If they insist on staying put it is up to them to figure out how their needs will be met.....and Bellerose63 will take care of us is not an option.
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Reply to lkdrymom

Hi, I am an only! And sometimes it is a lonely road. But when I read here about the angst and turmoil between siblings over care or money issues, and the resentment they have toward deadbeat siblings, sometimes I’m very thankful I have no one to keep happy other than Mom. Like I told the aids at her nursing home when they saw I visit daily and they ask if I have siblings...”I’m an only child, and it was a good gig while it lasted! Now it’s payback time. Ha!”
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Reply to rocketjcat

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