I have been living at my parents home now for 10 months caring for them, esp. my Mom who is in later stages of dementia and receives hospice care. I am a retired nurse who is widowed, I was 55 when I lost my husband, my children are grown so no reason to be by myself in the same small town.
When my Mother became ill my brother and sister in law wanted a family meeting. I had taken much care of both my parents going back and forth from my house to theirs for some time. I knew what this meant, they wanted Mom in a nursing home, my sister in laws mother was in a nursing home, but they were young at that time with small children and they like to travel, go to concerts, ballgames, etc. My brother is 3 years younger than me and also lives in our small town, they have 3 young grandchildren close to their home and have them a lot, I have 1 grandchild I seldom see.
This summer they have traveled on at least 4 different vacations to different states, concerts, weddings, ballgames. I wouldn't mind going some where sometime, but seems they also have tickets somewhere. Also always remodeling and updating their home, I am trying to keep repairs done to keep mine standing as very old Victorian, so something always to repair.
This upsets and hurts me, but I realize their decision was different than mine, my brother mows my parents yard and mine and my SIL cooks and brings us food.
I would have liked to go to the State Fair with my daughter, but they had tickets for a concert. My daughter is to have a hysterectomy and only 40 with no children soon, but oddly same day they are to entertain a cousin coming from New Jersey, there is no one else, I feel like I should be with her as she is by herself for at least the surgery and weekend, also emotional for her as she would have liked to have children, also she has no husband, so she is alone, but my daughter plays things down and says no big deal and does not want to make any waves and says this in front of them.
I don't believe my brother has ever been good to my Dad, no reason, just his attitude that he seems to know so much more, my Dad was the one to help him buy his farm. He is close to my children and was to my husband, but has never liked me and we seem to butt heads more as the older we get, although I have never said anything of his vacationing, but he seems to like to bring it up.
I realize this is his decision and mine was different, but I would have so much guilt if I had done this, I know it is usually the daughters not sons that do the caregiving, but I just wonder what others feel of this.
Am I wrong to feel so hurtful
Thanks so much,