In my opinion, there is nothing anyone can say to make me feel better about being a caregiver. Here is what people typically say to me:

1. You're such a good daughter/person. And you will be blessed one day.

(I'm not religious at all, blessed by whom? The only way I'm going to be blessed is if I bless myself. How do you know I'm good? It just feels fake.)

2. If you ever need any help, just let me know.

(My neighbor is the only person that truly helps us. And my mom's cousin. Other than that, nobody has every done anything. My car broke down once and I asked someone to take me to store and they said they couldn't. My brothers never ask if we need anything. Nobody helps.)

3. You poor thing.

(Excuse me, but go to hell.)

4. Omg, I know how it is. I had to take care of my mom once when she had a surgery.

(Talk to me when you know what your own mothers private areas look like better than your own. When you can recite her medicine better than you can recite the ABCs. When you've sat with your mom for hours upon hours at the hospital, each time she had to go, multiple times a year, every year.)

5. I had someone hug me once when I was at the Dr office with my mom and I was trying to reposition her in her wheelchair.

(It just makes me feel bad. It makes everything 10x worse.)

Honestly, saying nothing is the best thing. I've found that to be the best option. Or ask questions and just listen to the answers.

I know people don't mean to do this. I know that they have their best intentions at hand.

I just had to vent that out.

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A little of what you said made me laugh. Only when you meant it that way not the situation. Wish I could help you. I would. But I dont suppose you are in SC. Truly hope you have some better days. I know what it is like when a lot is going wrong with a parent and am an only child. At least I can't blame anyone else but it can be all on me and often has been. I dont find church the answer either. Wish I did but at least right now I dont.
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What lazy louses your brothers are!

(Sorry, the nonhelping siblings really irk me.)
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I think that when we are exhausted, overwhelmed and frustrated, things bother us in unusual ways. I think that most people do have good intentions. If someone doesn't want to help me, I just write it off and expect nothing. I ask once and if they don't do it, I don't bother them again.

I never had or was offered any help with my LO. I actually, got used to it. But, I do appreciate it when people tell me it's admirable what I'm doing, especially, for a cousin. I think they really mean it.
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Good for you
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