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Mother’s Day is different in more than one country relevant to me, so I find it hard to take seriously. Mothering Sunday in the UK, Mother’s Day in Oz and then in the USA. I view it as retailers’ day number 3, after Christmas Day, Easter, then on the retail list just before Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day, and the rest of them. It used to be retailers’ big white goods sale day, when mothers got all the new things like microwaves and automatic washing machines. Now everyone has as much as the bench will hold, it’s a problem about what to give - overpriced flowers or chocolates?

My own mother helped in this attitude, as the classic Mother's Day flowers here are white chrysanthemums, and mother disliked them as 'funeral flowers'. No thanks from her for those!

My feeling would be to forget about it (mother with dementia will anyway), and give mother what you think she would enjoy, any time you think of something. A card so that the aides know she is appreciated. Another option is to collect really nice artificial flowers, and re-arrange them for every time that’s appropriate!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

Imho, if you are allowed to visit in person, keep it as simple as possible. You don't want to make it difficult as your mother has dementia.
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Reply to Llamalover47

Just go there to her Memory Care and have a nice visit. Bring her a gift or two and make it as enjoyable as you would make any other Mother's Day visit you'd have with her wherever she was living. Tell her you love her, give her a hug, present her with the gifts, and smile. She's still alive, just suffering from make it a memorable day for both of you!

Good luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1
cherokeewaha 5 hours ago
My mom passed before Covid set in so, I did get to see her at least once a week and had special occasion dinners with her including Mothers Day. I took her a double dip of her favorite ice cream, a small bottle of the buttermilk she loved and some soft, chocolate she said she didn't need but really loved. One brother brought her a new blouse and the other one a bag of her favorite hard candies and a bouquet of flowers. Just simple things that she enjoyed and loved but were not available at her MC unit. She enjoyed them more than expensive gifts.
Honestly, I don’t even know if I am going to visit on Mother’s Day.

Visits to my Mom make her angry. I am the local sibling. Seeing me makes her remember that she is not seeing the sibling that she WANTS to see. (The one who doesn’t contact her, of course.) That sibling is out of state.

Visits make my mother word-vomit all of her complaints and negativity. She never was a positive person to begin with. Dementia has caused her to lose her filter even more.

I am committed to visiting once a week, at least, because I want to check on her, physically, and to let the caregivers (who are actually WONDERFUL) know that someone is keeping an eye over Mom.

But, visits leave me sad and disheartened. When I see her face fall, when she figures out who is ACTUALLY visiting, it punches me in the heart.

I want to enjoy Mother’s Day with my daughters and grandson. I don’t want to spend the day recovering from another punishing visit to my mother. I’ll visit another day.
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Reply to cxmoody

Definitely visit her with some special gifts - pictures, a special treat. But before buying/sending flowers check with her facility. During COVID my mother's campus wasn't allowing flowers to be brought in - not sure of the reason. I agree - reminisce on happy times. Encourage her to tell stories of her past; later you may want to write them down so you have those memories preserved.
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Reply to cweissp

Certain holidays, mother's day, father's day, Christmas are especially tough, moreso for the caregiver than the patient. I think flowers would be nice and something she could enjoy, and let her smell them to engage her senses. And how about spending some time reminiscing? Bring some photos. Recall fun times. Ask her what she remembers about her life. Happy Mother's Day.
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Reply to sjplegacy

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Mother’s Day has been a painful day for me since losing my mom. I essentially lost her twice, the first time when a huge stroke took away every ability, putting her in a NH, and the second when she passed away. Make the best of a sad time by visiting your mom and taking her something she’d enjoy, flowers, lotion, a nice picture, candy, whatever. And when you leave go do something nice for yourself. Many of us learn to rely on the memories of the mom we had before. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930

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