Hi. How do you all try to stay happy when you know a loved one (my mom) is so sad because of her Alzheimer’s, being in a memory care facility and the loss of her husband? The thing is before this all happened she was severely depressed when she was diagnosed. We tried to tell her things could be so much worse. Then my dad and brother passed, then I had to place her in ALF. Each think worse than the next. I know she’s getting the best care to stay safe but it’s hard to have a loved one so sad. How do we enjoy life?

Saying it could be worse doesn't help. They still feel down. Things that help are, acknowledging how she feels, music, friends etc.

As for ourself, we can try to do something enjoyable like a class, or social meeting etc. Even working on a goal and accomplishing something feels good.
Make a gratitude list. That helps too.
All the best
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Lvnsm1826

Thanks. she is being treated for depression. She also suffered depression when she turned 60. Lasted a year. So maybe she is prone to this. Thanks again for all your wisdom and insights.
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Reply to Val622

You do not predicate your happiness on someone else. You also cannot fix another person's depression, any more than you can cure their diabetes by wishing they did not have it.

You can feel empathy for your Mum, you can grieve your Dad and DB, but you are also allowed to live and enjoy your life.

Have you had any counseling or therapy?
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Reply to Tothill

ALZ and all the Dementias are depressing to people who suffer from it. In the beginning they know something is happening just not exactly what. I wonder if it has to do with the persons personality. Did Mom get depressed easily before ALZ? I never saw a depression in my Mom. She had paranoia every so often. She actually still could enjoy things. But that was my Mom. The person who looked at clouds and saw a dog, fish, Santa in them. She was an "up" person. I've told the story of the lady who suffered from Dementia and was asked "your BDay is coming sokn" her reply "yes it is but I can't remember when. But I will remember tomorrow and call you to tell you when."

All you can do is be there for Mom. You cannot change what a desease is causing. If she has a neurologist maybe he can prescribe something.
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Reply to JoAnn29

I believe one key to happiness is being grateful and living as much of your life as possible in the moment. I have a LO to care for and my own issues which cause near constant low level pain. I regret, more at some times than others, things I can no longer do. I'm still adjusting to "retirement" due to disability. But I prefer to focus on what is in my life rather than what may be missing. I'm grateful to still have the capability to care for my aging mother and my young grand-nephews. I cook a family meal on Sundays; being on my feet for several hours has it's impact on my back and cooking/cleaning often gets to the arthritis in my hands. Monday is usually spent resting to reduce inflammation. I enjoyed sharing breakfast this morning with my mother as we watched birds feeding in the yard and some cows and calves coming down to the gate. Spent some time reading a favorite book with a cup of hot coffee and my favorite danish with no interruptions (thank you day care). Later this Monday morning, while my mother is at adult day care, I am going to take my 5 year old grand-nephew to a McDs playground where he can play with some friends. His happiness and enthusiasm for life is contagious.

Even in the darkest of days, there is something to appreciate and enjoy in life. Sometimes we may have to open our eyes to see it and it may only last a few minutes, but live that happy moment fully. Those moments can recharge your energy and carry you through the day's more difficult hours.
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Reply to TNtechie

Coming here to this site hopefully over time and hearing what others endure and have coped can help. The progress of aging obviously cannot be reversed but if your family member is in a decent place that is much of the battle solved.

We just look for what might be positive with their care and take solace there. Almost all aspects of what I call the shelf life of my mother's is slowly diminishing. Teeth,eyesight,bladder are failing. I take her to specialists for the routine checkups often knowing the news will not be good.

My mother is 89. For many years she neglected her health. Now at this stage she wants to do all she can to prolong it. I certainly wish she might have started the process sooner and I had implored her to do so which fell on deaf ears. So all I can do is go along with the ride of declining health helping as much as I am able which generally seems fruitless yet I continue.

Acceptance of the reality may help with your mental state. Perhaps you might seek a support group with others who share your plight. I wish you continuing strength. There are better days and worse ones. I just hope to find peace in general for my own well being.
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Reply to Riverdale

I enjoy my life by knowing that I have done the best I could for my LO's by placing them in a nice facility where they will be properly cared for.

Your mother appears to be a depressed person, there are people like her who stay depressed most of their life as they are unable to deal with life on it's own terms.

Happiness is an inside job one cannot make another happy nor can we carry their burden of misery.

In the span of 10 years I lost my husband, my father and my cousin who was like a brother to me. I had to handle their affairs after death, one after the other having to push through.

I am 72, and only have one life, I see the beauty in the world, I cherish my friends and remaining family. I am optimistic and happy to be here.

I just placed my mother in AL, having placed my step father and his wife in another in July, they both are safe and enjoying their life as it has been presented to them at this point in their mother being 94 and my step father 90.

It's not so much the circumstances at is how you handle it...don't allow her to drag you down into her deep hole.

Life is a song worth singing...sing it!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to DollyMe

Telling someone that things could be worse is hardly comforting, imo.

Her depression is a function of the fact that her brain no longer works properly. Depression is a real medical condition that requires medical intervention.

Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist? Is she taking prescribed medications for depression?

If not, please arrange for her to be seen.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

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