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My father had a brief and unexpected illness and ultimately died last month. My parents were married 53 years and she doesn’t even miss him. As a matter of fact she was horribly mean to my dad when he lay sick and dying. I had no idea growing up how bad she actually was.

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If this has been her personality throughout her life, and throughout your relationship with her,there is very little reason to think/hope she will change. Certainly you are used to it by now? But I can imagine it being a bit shocking when there is the loss of 53 years relationship. You know, marriages used to stick together whether they were working or not. I think she isn't alone in being ok with her mate being gone. I think were you to leave her she would not likely be overly disturbed as well. Narcissists don't really feel very guilty. Part of their charm. Not.
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anonymous981049 Nov 18, 2019
Indeed you are correct. Her actions towards me since my father died are pretty bad. I’m her step daughter the product of my father’s first marriage. She really thinks she could get along without my daughter and myself, but she has no one else
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The whole country is.....

Alonna, did not mean to make light of your situation. Just could not resist. Dealing with NP is beyond very difficult. There have been lots of posts on NP on this forum. Type it into the upper R corner Q to find them. Personally I fell that if you, yourself do not have a strong & even personality to deal / ignore / match her, you’re best off having someone else in the family be her DPOA or have an attorney as DPOA. Or family goes guardianship route so that she is excluded from decision making.
good luck.
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anonymous981049 Nov 18, 2019
Thank you
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I’m very sorry for the loss of your father.

I had a similar experience with my mother. She was horribly harsh and selfish and cruel with my father, with my aunt as well. But she could be incredibly gracious with other people. In hindsight, I realize that my parents had a very dysfunctional marriage. Dad was not a good husband and she was not a good wife. It was sad to see her resentment for him grow in her final year. But at the end of the day, I understand that it was their deal and not mine. I guess my point is that yes, there are narcissistic people. But sometimes it’s more complex than a personality disorder. It could be part of her grieving process, depression, dynamics, etc. Be patient with her and seek advice from a grief counselor and physician if necessary. I hope for better days for you and your mom.
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anonymous981049 Nov 18, 2019
Thanks for your kind words
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