My mother (in her 80s) has tested negative for dementia. However, she is strongly suspected by family and her VA medical staff of having ADHD. She never has and never will follow through on ANYTHING she says she will. She has a tablet, smart phone, computer and smart TV. Her smart phone (only available phone) uses internet WIFI as its line source so internet access is a must. She has voluntarily (yes!! a win) given up driving but now sits home watching/reading/listening to media ALL DAY LONG. She is also very, very picky about what she likes to watch and has figured out that she can sign up for each episode or sport event individually to get EXACTLY what she wants to watch in the present moment. Though she says she will, she doesn't cancel or stop re-activating old services -- the next time she sees something she wants to watch. She just keeps stacking them one on top of the other. She's now up to double digit streaming services plus extremely frustrated as to why she keeps getting buried in spam notifications. At last count, she was getting 400+ notifications per day!
I have DPOA. It doesn't apply to playing wack-a-streaming service and their associated notifications. Any suggestions?
My mom was a shopaholic. The minute she submitted an order to JC Penneys, they would send her a coupon, and she would order again, and then a coupon. Often three orders in a row with 3 shipping charges. It was like they were feeding an addict. I went into her email and deleted all the garbage, blocked and unsubscribed from all the temptations. Out of sight, out of mind. I also eventually had to cancel her cards and freeze her credit. I continue to manage all her bills (online bill pay) and she gets a weekly discretionary allowance.
See if your mom will let you handle her finances directly, including paying for prescriptions. It might be a relief for her that she doesn't have to stress about her finances or managing all these accounts. She can then have whatever reasonable amount you determine as fun money to spend on streaming?
At first I could just transfer my mom's allowance to a sandbox banking acct that was tied to a debit card. Now, that's too complicated for her, so she gets cash weekly and she has access to 2 streaming accounts. Another idea is to switch her to a landline and ditch the smartphone. Good luck!
First, I'm actually very happy that she has found something to do while she sits at home. The problem is she came to me this month and said she can't afford her medication because she's overdrawn her limited income. THAT'S where I said to stop with the streaming or at least follow through on the cancellations -- which she is now on her umpteenth promise to do. Not holding my breath for her to actually do so as I don't look good that shade of blue.
Side note: I started to read Never Simple. Then stopped as I realized it was triggering a lot of long past memories of my unique upbringing. With the current situation, I just couldn't finish. My mother has never been able to balance a check book, complete algebra or trig, or understand finances of any kind but boy can she answer Jeopardy questions, grade English papers and explain history like a pro. Anyhow...
Next, I refuse(d) to pay for her meds, which led her to being sent to the ER. They refused to admit her because as long as she takes the more expensive meds, she's fine. Which she cannot afford each month, so, no she cannot afford stacking multiple media services. One or two okay. More, not so much.
Which leads to this -- yes, I was there when her neuro gave her the test. She scored 49/50. She is being closely watched for dementia as it is likely to come with the Parkinsons. Though so far, she's not there yet -- both with testing and observation.
So, I spent two and a half hours finding out what streaming services she had and was able to cancel almost half. She has since signed up for 2 more. And with that, more notifications, more apps to try and figure out which ones have been sync'd across all the devices, and then with each app/system update, the notifications resetting to on when they were off.
She has phone wifi because she rents in a concrete building with metal siding. It is the only method that guarantees non dropped calls. It is her only communication with family and friends. But, she doesn't understand the difference between cell data and WiFi data. Apparently neither did her aides. She had hundreds in data overage because each new aide or sub aide would turn on her cell plan data for her so they could access her apps to order groceries, to make purchases on Amazon, and taught her to sign up for streaming, and of course, actually USING the streaming on her devices. "Whoops, sorry" was what came from her home care provider.
This is grasping at straws but suggestion on a great parental app that might work?
I am picturing watching endless TV as almost self-medicating..?
For a mood lift, having something to do, also, something that isn't physically draining,
Has depression been discussed? It also is closely aligned with PD.
There is depression that may not look like sadness or disconnect, but shows as inactivity, reduced motivation, reduced movement, reduced speaking or facial expressions.
I knew once when visiting a family member that something was 'off'. One word answers, flat expression. Glued to the TV too. It turned out she had changed medication - lower dose but also brand? Was Dx with 'Flat Affect' as part of depression.
That family member of mine is reportedly now not eating well, buying poor quality home-brand foods & medication while signing herself up to EVERY steaming service out there.
In a strange turn of events, a lady I met today mentioned her adult daughter has Dyscalculia (like dyslexia but for numbers not letters). Maths skills underpin planning, budgeting, making appointments - all of which her daughter needed significant help with. Such an invisable disability. Made me think! Someone appearing lazy, unmotivated, unorganised their whole lives may just be poor at maths!
It is possible of course that many with ADHD are undiagnosed. (I strongly suspect I am. But a diagnosis or meds won't help me now. I have many tricks to help me with the areas of life I struggle in).
I am not sure yet if my LO can still manage their daily spending. In a nutshell - her money is being spent on *fun* things before *essentials*. This needs to be reversed. But whether it is 'poor decision-making' & so therefore OK or 'lack of decision-making' & not OK.. we shall see.
Hopefully my LO will voluntarily let arrangements be made. If not I forsee hospitalisations for missed meals & meds just as you described.
A short dementia screening test may not be sufficient for a POA to take over financial matters. I would guess a full neuro-psych exam may be needed for that. They DO show all MUCH more across many areas, not just memory.
Sorry for the ramble.. I feel you don't have a clear cut situation on your hands.
Most streaming costs money. There are feebie stations but then you have ads. There is the ability to rent but that costs money. I stream and get no spam notifications but then I use cable. Maybe if I didn't have cable I would be getting notifications. Can you not turn off notifications? Never really played with my Smart TV. And my cable box, full of every app there is. I have the option to go to "save" and just the apps I frequent are there.
My mom, once she was no longer able to get around well due to her CHF, became addicted to the Home Shopping network. And my mom never had any interest in shopping other than absolute necessities. But she wasn't ordering things from them, she just liked watching it. We laughed about it amongst ourselves, but let her watch.
There are worse ways she could be looking to spend her time, and worse behaviors she could be exhibiting.
Other services and browsers like Duckduckgo promote this "stealth" privacy mode as a main feature and it is FREE.
On my iPhone I can control whether I get any notifications at all, or how I am notified. I can select which organizations I get notifications from (like my banks, my clinics, etc).
Does she have the money to pay for all the streaming services?
More info for context would be helpful.
But then I realized, it's their lives. I can't control every second. I had to let go and let them do what they wanted.
Perhaps you could meet in the middle and select a few streaming services, and stick to them. Is there a way you could advise her in this way?
My parents soon lost the ability to manage their finances, and at first they were hesitant to let go. But now they say it's a relief that their children are helping them in this area.
So to answer your question, though I don't know if managing her streaming counts under the DPOA category technically, look at it this way--if she were spending thousands of dollars buying individual DVDs to watch, you would step in. If she were doing something else in an extravagant way, you would step in and bring the situation under control. So perhaps she does need you to help manage things for her, official dementia diagnosis or not.