My 83-year-old mother has mild dementia and keeps trying to control certain situations like Social Security and insurance, which turn in to a nightmare for me to talk her out of or correct. I have POA for everything. She still lives alone, but I live down the street and see her everyday for several hours to clean and do meal prep. We have a lot of interaction. But as soon as I step away, she gets into trouble or comes up with crazy ideas.
1. getting the mail, sorting the mail, opening the mail, resorting the mail, me asking him which I should keep or not, which should be recycled, etc…this includes junk mail.
2. bringing in/taking out garbage and recycling (bins included)
3. opening any packages that arrive at the house
4. opening things in general that come in bulk (think Costco) and help putting it away..even if they set it on the counter
5. asking them to help you with ANY small task. Example: can you put the remote over there? Can you put my cup down? Can you help me (insert any small mundane thing or make one up even if you don’t need help!)
6. Skimming/ looking at the newspaper and asking them to tell you what the weather is bc you don’t know (even if you do)
These are some ideas that have worked for my father, not sure if they will help and/or your LO will be interested….love and light to you….
Once he was diagnosed, I used my POA combined with a letter from his neurologist stating that my dad should no longer be in control of his financial or business affairs to have him declared “incapacitated agent” with all the entities he tried to mess with.
I kept thinking I had gotten them all but he found more. The most shocking was when he canceled his and my mom’s Medicare advantage without breathing a word to either of us!
I reassured him a hundred times that the bills were being paid and the taxes were being filed but he couldn’t grasp it.
One thing he liked that kept him feeling useful was sorting coins. It wouldn’t take up a whole afternoon, but I could give him a pile of coins to sort into types and the next day mix them up and give them to him again. Before that, he liked vacuuming a lot for a stretch of some months he would do it for hours at a time.
good luck!
I think if you can provide them with a copy of your POA and ask them to note in your mom's records that YOU are the only person who can make any changes, that could help prevent her making a mess that you will have to fix.
As far as giving your mom opportunities to feel productive, what was her skillset and knowledge and experience prior? I'm asking because I wonder what is driving her to feel the need to deal with insurance or Social Security.
It sounds like organizing and managing financial matters is something she wants to do. You could give her tasks related to that - creating a budget, or give her a checkbook and let her "pay bills", but don't let her have any envelopes or stamps to mail them, if she is likely to make mistakes. Tell her you will mail them.
Have her write up a shopping list, then review it together when you are there.
People who like control, like organizing and list-making.
If she has a bunch of photos, get them out and ask her to go through them and write on the back who and when and where. Photos were very important to my grandmother. She felt it was important to pass on a piece of family history. She would put them in photo albums and write underneath each one all the pertinent details for future generations.
As someone else suggested, house cleaning tasks might be soothing for some, or it could just feel like boring work. So, it really depends on what type of activities she enjoys or feels productive doing.
Sorting tasks are great for someone with mild dementia. Sorting a jar of buttons, or socks, or putting all the silverware away in the right slots, or a bunch of old magazines to be sorted by date,.... something that might feel relevant to her.
Lol - I'm reminded of my grandson, who, a couple years ago when he was around 9 yrs old, had a large collection of Pokemon cards. There were hundreds of them! And he liked to busy himself with the task of "sorting" them. By category, or by color,... and he liked to have me help him with this.
Maybe mom would like to go through a stack of old bills and sort them for filing.
You say you go over for meal prep. Is there some simple preparation you can leave directions for her to do, or do together with her? Ask her to go through magazines and find a new recipe she would like to try with you.
She is probably just bored and lonely. Are there any friends you can encourage to stop by for more frequent visits? Sometimes just a volunteer, or ladies from the church who will stop by for bible study. Search online for adult daycare centers, and check it out yourself before introducing her to it. Some have a van which will pick up elders and take them for a few hours for activities and social interaction, then take them home. Or you could arrange a ride service.
My parents (now both 92 with AD) act very differently after family leave.
One thought, also, is to bring her to get a drs check up and share your concerns. Your mom's doctor might be able to suggest ideas.
In the course of just two years, I ended up switching my parents from a physician, to a neurologist, to a geriatrician, then finally to hospice care at their home. I wish I had been more involved in their day to day care, and their healthcare, sooner.
Best of luck to you.
I find when elderly people are still demanding to be "in charge" of things like insurance, social security, etc... is to tell them that all these things now have to be done online. Tell your mother that you've already taken care of these things online for her.
If she wants to feel productive get her involved with some activities at your town's local senior center if they have one. Many senior centers have current affairs group discussions going on, they put together care packages for homeless shelters, they have knitting clubs going on for the ladies who know how to knit and they make all kinds of thing for donations to new mothers with babies to people in hospitals and nursing homes. Your mother needs something to do with her time and you'll see. If she has something worthwhile to do with her time, she won't be so concerned with insurance and social security.