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Music. Exercise. Outside time (in nature if possible) Water (aqua aerobocs, a long shower, a bubble bath)
M.EOW. I'm trying day by day to incoporate as many as possible.

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Tears of gratitude here.

I finally made it back here.. & just the look of your familiar names gave my heart real joy. I will be reading over these posts & reminding myself to include more of your great suggestions.

Choose Life (as good old Wham! said).
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Reply to Beatty
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Beatty , I didn't read others reply, so this may have been said, I did everything that they say to do in books, but the only thing that helped was learning to do those things without thinking about my mom, none of those things mattered until I learned to not ruminate , if she was ok, did she fall down the stairs, is she lonely, list goes on...... For me I could do everything on the list but until I learned to compartmentalize, and accept the fact that I deserve a life , nothing really helped.

Here is one suggestion, adult coloring, gosh I'm having fun with it, and making some cool art.
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Reply to Drivingdaisy
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casole Apr 16, 2025
DD,

This 100%. Well said.
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Good to have you join us. You’ve been a welcoming voice here for many. My caregiving has shifted away from parents to the lifelong issues of a brain damaged adult son with ongoing health issues. Self care for me involves lots of walking, including walking away when things get tense for a break. The serenity prayer is a help. Calling a friend and talking about anything else is soothing. And a bit of chocolate always helps. Wishing you rest and peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Sometimes the simplest moments helped me.

If I went to a fast food restaurant to order food to bring home for both of us , I'd wait in the car for 5-10 minutes, relaxing, feeling the sun, watching people walking, watching cars go by. It made me remember that there is still a world out there beyond the sickness I was around ~ and the responsibilities I had taken on. Then I'd rush home, back to Caregiving.

It was a small break, but it refreshed me. It truly did.
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Reply to QuiltedBear
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For me, a good night's sleep is the ultimate self-care. This means have a good bedtime routine, getting some fresh air and exercise every day, taking Melatonin nightly and shutting off my screens (and keeping them out the bedroom) consistently.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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It is so good to see you here.
I can't even really imagine doing one on one care.
I so often say here that being a nurse, which I loved, so let me know that doing 24/7 care for even the most beloved would never work for me. Not only does it overwhelm, but it changes who you are to that person from daughter or spouse to caregiver, which is such a different thing.
Without solid respite times and even WEEKLY time off I simply cannot see it as sustainable, yet we have people doing it every day.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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MyBestGirl461 Apr 12, 2025
You are correct, 24/7 care of m Mom has changed the dynamics of our relationship from hour to hour. It is hard to see her some days as my mom as i remembered. Taking care of a LO is a challenge that didn’t want nor desire to do; but if not me then who? That’s what I’m told anyway. I am just beginning to get time off with the help of a grant from SC, Lower Savannah Agency. Since Mom went into the hospital she now qualifies for Medicaid which will enable me to place her in respite care soon. This is not for the Faint at Heaart!
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Lots of great replies here. I sometimes think of it in terms of the amount of time I have. Five minutes? I could make a cup of tea, moisturize my hands and feet, do a couple of stretches, or watch the birds out the window. 20-30 minutes? I could take a short walk, read a few pages of a book or a magazine article, water some houseplants, call a friend. 2-3 hours?!? I could garden, go out to a meal, watch a movie….
I agree it’s not always about things that are “fun” but for me, things that make me feel peaceful or more on top of my life or in control can count. So making the bed, putting in laundry, buying a new toothbrush all could count. It’s about noticing and tending to and making time for your own needs and wants instead of every possible minute going to the caregiving.

I like to learn about nature so when I can I sign up for occasional hikes, environmental stewardship activities, local bird watching trips, garden tours, etc. anything where I am engaged and learning. I realize not everyone can do that. But I find signing up in advance keeps me on track to making it happen.
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Reply to Suzy23
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Music, walking, lunch with friends every few weeks, trying to improve my diet. Watching TV late at night and keeping things calm in my home.
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Reply to Oedgar23
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I'm a paid caregiver and did free caregiving in the past to mom and younger sister. They are both deceased.

For me, I listen to rock and pop music. My daughter listens to this as well. She was raised on it. I prefer a lot of the groups from Europe from the seventies and eighties. I like Satin Jackets. I found a lot of my music on YT. I can lose myself in music. It calms me down. Also, I listen to House music and prefer the deep house over the progressive.
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Reply to Scampie1
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The only thing I could do to help MYSELF was distance. I had to distance myself from the daily stress, anxiety and fret that my grandfather was causing me. I lost over 50 lbs since October of last year and although I appreciate the loss it was not done through healthy ways. I couldnt eat or sleep or concentrate due to worry about what would happen next. Distance is my self care.
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Reply to laura9574
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SRWCF1972 Apr 17, 2025
I understand the physical side effects. I've been losing my hair since October 2024 due to stress. My dermatologist has diagnosed me with "telogen effluvium" or temporary hair loss and prescribed me some medication. I continue to lose my hair, but I'm hoping it will stop soon. Both my GP and dermatologist told me the hair loss will stop once my body stops being in survival mode. I'm still waiting!
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