Parents married over 50yr. He was gone months at a time, while she raised 6 kids. He provided and she tolerated much. Long story put short, she lives at one end of the house and he at the other, and they share the kitchen, sometime it works more often it does not.
He has had multiple strokes and somethings going on with her brain, she has pushed everyone away and is mean, very mean.
He has veterans benefits and could get a caregiver to clean for him, but after a week or two they don't come back, she chases them away. We have tried to enroll him (3x's) to enter a retirement home but when his name comes up he backs out and chooses to stay.
She has collected about 50 cats over the years, they are well feed and provided for by her, only a few live in house. But the place stinks to high ends both inside and out. My father can not make it to the bathroom often in time, so that's everywhere and animal piles made by a small dog that can not see or hear any longer. So feces everywhere!
Keep in mind, if we take her animals she wont talk to us again.
Please, what do we do for them and how?

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Call APS to report vulnerable elders living alone with animals and feces in the home. If mother doesn't speak to you again, so be it. Who's willing to stay closed mouthed while her parents are living in such squalor, with dementia a likelihood, and do nothing? Thats not to say you kids should go clean up such filth, or take her shouldn't....but reporting this unlivable situation to the authorities will get your parents on their radar and hopefully placed in managed care and safe. And the animals cleared out of there and rehomed as well.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Helpful Answer (19)
Reply to lealonnie1

APS would likely help in getting house condemned as unlivable and unsafe and getting your parents diagnosed and placed if that is your wish. I would not take on POA. That is difficult enough to do for someone cooperative, clean and organized; I KNOW. I would allow the state to intervene here. I doubt there is anything you can do about this and the STATE can. That allow you to remain a daughter, them to get care, and the state to manage it all.

Good luck. Because the other answer is to leave things as they are. Again, you cannot change this. That's not within your power, control or expertise. Not everything can be fixed. Most of us die as we have lived. Unless dementia takes over and the state takes over from there.
Helpful Answer (18)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Geaton777 Feb 12, 2024
Alva, I think it's cities that condemn houses, not APS. But APS would report it to the appropriate authorities, like the ASPCA (for the cats) and then to the city/local government. The OP's family can report the house to city -- they don't have to wait for APS. I feel sorry for the neighbors having to deal with all those feral cats lurking about, fighting, marking, pooping...
Who cares if your mom never talks to you again if you take her animals away???
You and your siblings should NOT be propping up your parents in this very unhealthy and unsafe environment they call home.
Call Adult Protective Services ASAP and report the very unhealthy living conditions that your parents and the 50 cats are living in. They will come out and do an assessment and things will proceed from there. And guaranteed the majority of the cats will be gone if not all.
Your parents are mentally ill to have allowed this to go on and they need help. So please call APS tomorrow and get the ball rolling.
Helpful Answer (17)
Reply to funkygrandma59

How much more willing are you to orbit around them? 5x more than now? This is an unsustainable arrangement. Of course they like it -- they have their kids to clean up after them. Please note they don't seem to care about the impact it is having on you guys.

You and your siblings should all back away from helping and then report them to APS. Don't clean up that house. Don't give them any money to support the cat (or any other) expense. You are not morally or ethically obligated to exhaust yourselves -- stop lighting yourselves on fire in order to keep them warm.

Their county's social services has options and solutions. Please contact them.
Helpful Answer (16)
Reply to Geaton777
fluffy1966 Feb 18, 2024
The post does not share the town or State in which the parents reside. That's a huge factor, because so many States and Counties simply do not have "social services" to tackle situations like this.
Your parents no longer have a marriage. They are living together separately.

As far as the housekeeping goes, would you work for them? Of course, everyone is going to quit.

Quite frankly, I am surprised that no one has reported them to APS and reported the cats to the animal control department.

It’s really disturbing to read a story like yours. I am terribly sorry that you are witnessing such a heartbreaking situation.

Why don’t you call APS and see if they can do anything about this issue?
Helpful Answer (16)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Patathome01 Feb 18, 2024
Also, call the Health Department with APS.
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Back away. The more you take on ANY responsibility, the more you are likely to be blamed for the state they are in. Cleaning up for them is clearly an endless task and a waste of time. There are no ‘wins’ in this, for you and ‘the kids’, or even for them – they want things the way they are, complete with squalor and 50 cats. Just back away. Call APS, put the responsibility onto ‘the system’. Don't volunteer for anything.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Tiredniece23 Feb 19, 2024
Agree, Margaret. The endless cleaning and the amount of money 💰 to be spent on professional cleaning will be a waste of time, because the place will end up right back in the filth that it was.
I agree to back away. Sometimes there's just nothing that can be done.
This is a very unsanitary situation and is harmful to their health. She may very well have toxoplasmosis from the cats.

You need to report them to adult protective services for an evaluation.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to Southernwaver

You could report the animal situation to the animal welfare association in their town. You don’t have to take any animals and could report it anonymously. They’ll know what to do.

Then see if that kicks off help for your parents from another agency. Stand back, don’t participate, and don’t share what you did with anyone else, even family. You don’t need the hassle.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to Fawnby
iameli Feb 13, 2024
So true. Around here this type of situation would wind up on the news. It always seems to when the animal welfare people come in and rescue a bunch of hoarded animals.
Your story is heartbreaking. Your parents need to be removed from this house as this is a health hazard for them. If the city/township finds out that your parents are living in filth and squalor, they are going to do an inspection and they will condemn the home. You need to seek the help of a professional cleaner to come in with hazmat clothing to clean out this home.

Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Dupedwife
Isthisrealyreal Feb 13, 2024
Duped, as long as the squalor isn't unsightly from the curb or neighbors, nobody intervenes if these are two competent adults.

Competent in the eyes of the law, not medically.

I was told that people can live anyway they choose, even in filth and squalor, as long as they have running water and food, it's up to them.
This really pains me to write as I am a HUGE animal lover, but those cats need to go to the humane society. This is animal hoarding and it's bad for all involved. The cats will keep breeding producing kittens and feral cat colonies can be huge. This means not only pee and urine but also fleas and worms (cats get tapeworms). The cats most likely are malnourished have breathing issues or more. The kindest thing would to be to report it but do not give your name. You can say you are a concerned neighbor. The cats need to be removed. No one individual can care for 50 cats. This would require a professional team of hundreds to keep the cats spayed/neutered, vaccinated, fed, etc.

I would not try to clean up the mess as this seems like a good case for APS to get involved. Is she a hoarder? This is a mental disorder and she would need to be in a place where she could be supervised at all times. Usually a nursing home or assisted living can give her a one bedroom place with a bathroom and they can keep an eye on living conditions so they cannot hoard. Your father would do best in a retirement home so his basic needs can be met daily. If he cannot make it to the toilet he could use a bedside toilet or wear adult diapers, but it is a lose-lose situation for all if something is not done.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to DoggieMom86
JuliaH Feb 18, 2024
I agree on not to clean up the mess. It's quite possible that with all the animals and feces around, the house may be condemned, so why waste the time and effort? If it is, it may be possible to at least sell the lot "as is".
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