Follow
Share

My mother's health has been declining since she fell and broke her ribs in February. A trip to the ER revealed a blood clot in her lungs. Not to mention she has lost so much of her body weight. She insists on coming home and I know I can't take care of her now. It has been a struggle up to now just trying to get her to eat.


I've got a couple of days to make a decision. This is hard and I just need to release this pain I am feeling. I didn't know this was coming my way. This is too much. Comments please.

There is nothing you can do. No longer about what she WANTS it is about what she needs. She is an unsafe discharge, let them know that.
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to lkdrymom
Report

It’s hard to see a parent in a situation where they are no longer safe in the only place they want to be. It’s natural your mom wants to go home, that doesn’t make it wise or safe for her though. This is the time she’s depending on you to guide the decisions to get her someplace she will get needed care and be safe. Work with the social worker and/or discharge planner on the next place. Accept what cannot be fixed and be kind to yourself. Know you’re doing your best for mom even if she doesn’t see it. I wish you peace
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

Your mother is now in the perfect scenario to get her placed in the appropriate facility. You just let the hospital social worker that your mother can no longer come home as she is now an "unsafe discharge" and that she has NO ONE to take care of her.
If you stand your ground and make sure they understand that you CANNOT take care of her, they will have no choice but to get her placed.
And then you can get back to just being your mothers child and advocate and not her overwhelmed and burned out caregiver, and your mother will receive the care she now requires.
It will be a win win for all involved.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

See if she can be sent somewhere for rehab. That'll buy some time so you can start looking for AL or even SNF.

When she says she wants to go home and not to rehab, you'll be able to say "I know Mom. Sorry but the doc says you need rehab."

Sorry you're going through this.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to JRwornout
Report

She is an “unsafe discharge”— use those words.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Bulldog54321
Report

You have been going thru this, since your first post in February, that she was not eating and seems haven't been for a while. One post she was down to 95 lbs. Have you talked to the Doctor on what can be causing her not eating? Seems to me Mom may have the "failure to thrive". Has Hospice been mentioned?
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

MJack,
Really you have already made your decision: "I can't take care of her right now."
If you can't do that now, you won't be able to do it day in day out either.

Please think of this as you doing what's in your mum's best interests, even if she doesn't see it that way. That's the truth.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to MiaMoor
Report

My mother was 88 years old and passed away at home in March with Hospice. In 2020 she fell and broke her neck and was severely disabled and had a 24/7 caregivers. She went through a lot during the four years at home, Falls hospitalizations, etc. I agree with everything that said here the keyword is an unsafe discharge, and by law they cannot discharge her to home. I would also agree with having a hospice evaluation as that was the best thing for my mother in the end of her life. We did not tell my mother she had Hospice. We just said it was a service to help with her care.
You did not cause the aging process and you will not stop the aging process. You’re doing your best be kind to yourself and do what’s best for your mother..
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Kaysmile10
Report
Sataari Jun 20, 2025
That would be my concern too, in this situation. If the elderly mother is already falling, with life-threatening consequences (a clot in the lung), then no amount of being willing to care for her outside a professionally staffed nursing facility will ever be remotely safe. Breaking her neck is a vivid example of what it means to be profoundly unsafe.
(8)
Report
Everyone wants to go home from the hospital.
Home is our familiar place.
Unfortunately, for your mother, if she does not have someone to provide the care she needs, she can not go home. You have to make this clear to her doctor, the one who will give the discharge orders.
She should be transferred to a skilled nursing facility/rehab. That is considered a short-term stay, pending the progress made by the patient. If the patient is no longer making progress - that is, getting better and able to go home, then she will need to be transferred to a long term care facility.

You say you can't take care of her now. Does she have the means to hire full-time care in her home? There are live-in care providers, or she could hire caregivers to come in shifts as needed.

You need to tell her, without hesitation, that you are not able to provide the care she will need at home. She may want to pressure you, only because that is the easiest path for her. She needs to understand that it is beyond your capability, and you can help guide her toward a more feasible option.

I'm so sorry you are going through this pain. You have watched your mother decline, and I'm sure you instinctively know that she will only continue to decline.
She could make a remarkable recovery, but that is not likely.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to CaringWifeAZ
Report
Igloocar Jun 26, 2025
The O.P.'s mother has been living with her, The mother does not have another home.
(0)
Report
Speak to the social worker. Refuse discharge. Your mom needs to go to rehab and then a personal care home. This is going to be a rough journey for you, but you should not bring your mom back home.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Onlychild2024
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter