Nursing home is inconsistent with allowing communication. Now what?

I totally understand your dismay, as my MIL in LTC had covid in May. They were terribly understaffed, as their nurses and workers became sick themselves and then had to quarantine for 2 weeks. There were no subs. At one point they had 16 elderly covid patients in the facility to 1 nurse. Every time they entered my MIL's room to facilitate a 3-minute phone call (because she was so sick and disoriented) the nurse had to change her PPE, and they didn't have much to spare. They created a 1st floor covid wing so that families could at least have window visits. It was chaotic at first as they were shuffling residents around as the cases increased and the staffing decreased. The difference was that the management and staff acted magnificently under pressure. I think the fact that the admin at your mom's facility was defensive is a red flag. My MIL used to be in a facility where the admin was like that, and we moved her. It's not that she received poor care, but they were terrible communicators and families don't need to feel like they are adversaries to the facility. My Italian Gramma used to say, "If the head of the fish stinks, the whole fish stinks" which means that if the leadership is bad, it trickles down and affects every one and every aspect of an organization. I've run my own business for 38 years and I vouch for this adage.

My MIL was put on hospice but actually survived covid and is her old self today. At some point you may want to consider a different place for her if possible. Look for admin that has been leading for many years. My MIL's facility has had the same admin for at least 10 years. She is also in a faith-based non-profit place (Presbyterian Homes) and they have many facilities in our state, which means each individual facility probably has more support from a stronger "parent" organization. If your mom's place is a stand-alone facility, they may be struggling in more ways than one. Not sure if you can request your mom be moved to a 1st floor room where you can actually have eyes on her. When you talk to admin/staff just be really diplomatic and communicate your support and understanding. We were able to donate 300 face shields to my MIL's facility and they were ecstatic to get it. Covid has brought a sh*tstorm to every LTC/MC that no one has experience navigating. I wish you success in advocating for mom and peace in your heart as we all journey through covid towards "daylight".

Of course you should be able to call regularly. Keep it pleasant, but ask the director for a list of times that it would be convenient for the workers to help make the calls happen. Nicely remind them the your aunt depends on this communication and you intend to keep it up

I know that staff can be a little bit prickly about having to abandon other tasks in order to facilitate phone calls - what you have to remember is that it's not as simple as handing someone the phone, it's the time taken trekking up and down the halls, ensuring they are awake and willing to talk (and in the case of face time that they look presentable) and often dealing with agitation when the call is finished, and of course multiplied by the number of residents. Maybe it would help if you arranged a certain time for calls each day? And if you go that route do make every effort to be punctual, I'm hearing of families showing up late for calls (and visits) or even blowing them off completely and that's is causing even more stress among staff and the residents.