Parents have lived with me for two years (father has dementia and mother home from rehab). I try my best. My mother is very straightforward and will complain if she doesn't like something. But when I ask her what she wants and how she wants it, she always says "how should I know?" She expects me to be clairvoyant. However, today I brought her a nice tray of breakfast upstairs and she started to complain about this and that. When I tried to ask her about what she wants so I would know the next time she told me to be quiet and not ask too many questions. In front of the speech pathologist and the home health aide my mother said I do wonderful things for her and then a few minutes later she begins to complain about me what I do, what I don't do and that I am not a nice daughter. I was so embarrassed and hurt I had to leave the room. Why didn't she tell this to me this when I asked her?
People like therapists can diagnose their patient’s personalities with amazing accuracy. The therapists know she’s just talking to hear herself talk.
You can’t be everything to everyone. I’d bring her the same breakfast tomorrow and if she complains, tell her neither of you knows what she wants, so until she decides, she will get the same thing, but that’s just me. Provide what she needs, but don’t knock yourself out trying to please her. Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re unhappy.