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I'm not talking about abandoning mom, I am the last relative living in my mothers family, mom's 85 she'll be 86 come Jan.


Mom has developed full on Dementia, she left the house went to the Hospital then NH rehab and after 24 short days she came home a completely different person.


Tues is yet another followup with her doctor where I'll hopefully get more answers .


I've been a full time caregiver for over ten years first dad now mom so I've got Zero in assets, no money, home or vehicle pretty much would be leaving with very little belongings if that was the route I choose to take.


I have control over mom's finances and she does owe me money.


The question becomes Medicaid wants to take everything of value before they'll even consider stepping in, if I can somehow make it to the first of the year I maybe able to move some money around and build enough to head back to my home state live out of the car for awhile and hopefully rebound......... anyone got any other ideas.


Obviously getting a job to help pull this off is out of the question, the home sits on leased land I couldn't afford the lot fees much less keeping this place together AC is on it's way out yet again, 3rd time in past year, I have backup AC's so we won't sweat and of course Leased Land is a dirty word to Medicaid so they want nothing to do with it.


I really don't know what to do no one in this state of Fla can help it's all about the money with these folk.


My last ditched effort is going to be hospice at this point but that only comes to reality if mom's doctor signs off on it.


I'm desperate and alone at this point I've talked with most of the surviving relatives that aren't immediate family and they've all said I need to do whats right for me however I can make it happen.


Mom's condition went from pretty much being independent with aid to she can't do anything without help, feeding, dressing bathroom, bathing everything she was doing before the hospital / NH stay is gone I've been given back a shell and told good luck by these people.


I don't really know what to do, any help would be appreciated.


Thank you.


Hope I posted this in the right category.


Hope I don't sound like a monster I truly though we had more time.

Update for those Interested......... Called Hospice and thank god I did one call and they will be out today (Tuesday June 25) to get things started.

The home healthcare people were helpful but in the end they all agreed with my assessment on bringing Hospice into the picture, everyone agreed this was Severe Dementia I was dealing with and not early onset.

So today is one doctors appointment and then around 3pm the Hospice Nurse will be over to get things going, it's a weight off my shoulders to know I'll have the help I need I was feeling pretty desperate constantly being told I only had one option with Medicaid and it really wasn't an option I wanted to take.

I told my mother long ago I'd keep her in her home till the very last moments and I mean to do just that for her, yeah' I'm just emotionally drained I 've had 2 short breaks in the past 7 years with mom and with this house falling apart around me at the same time I'm dealing with this I'm wanting to do whats best for her but I also need to worry about me I hope some understand and to the others thank you for the support you were what I needed in my time of desperation.

Fla doesn't have a Caregiver Act they have what they call Caregiver Aid which isn't much and sometimes takes years to get on the first level to simply get things started, you'd figure a senior filled state such as Fla would have better resources yet they don't and their answer to everything is sign here and throw mom into the NH before you go broke.
Great idea if you can afford private care I have yet to meet many that could afford full time private care longer then 6 months and where does your loved one end up.?........ that's right back in your hands except now they're also penniless thanks to the NH.

No state care in Fla from all of my research they closed all the statecare facilities sometime ago this is not a state for retirement Fla should be avoided if you ever want decent care for your loved ones, but that's my personal opinion after going through all of this just with my mother.
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I am not clear as to whether your mother had surgery in the hospital. If so, did she have a general anesthetic? Sometimes there are long-lasting (but not usually permanent) effects of general anesthesia in the elderly. The most common of these is delirium, but there is also evidence that sometimes there may be confusion/cognitive decline. Both of those should improve, especially the delirium. Did you see her in the hospital and nursing home, and if so, are her behaviors worse now, as I think you are suggesting? I think, however difficult it may be, you need to get these questions answered; perhaps the doctor will be able to help with some answers. Whatever plans you may need to make are going to depend partly on whether there may be later imprvement. I understand the diagnosis of dementia, but you've indicated the diafgnosis she was given differs a lot from your own impression in terms of current severity. Your mother should ultimately have cognitive testing, which Medicare normally covers fully when supervised by a physician (psychologist usually does the actual testing).

Why do you say if your mother is placed in a facility you will never see her again? I realize you don't have a car, but that's not an unworkable impediment.

In addition to help with your mother, I hope you'll agree that you need some help also--and we do care about you! Your various solutions do not always seem to fit with one another, and your plan to possibly live out of your car--and I have known people who have been as desperate as you and have done this for some time--does not make good sense in terms of what you hope to accomplish. In most states, there are some agencies that will provide for counseling on a sliding scale, and you may be able to get counseling for yourself at little or no cost. Check with the agencies you are already working with for the care of your mother for suggestions as to where you can get some services for yourself and/or contact the nearest United Way for info. You might also be able to get Medicaid for yourself since you are unemployed and I assume do not have health insurance. Don't know if Florida has expanded Medicaid or not; in some states, single adults without dependents cannot get Medicaid. I know you have a great deal on your platter, but you need to take care of soe of your own issues to be able to provide logical help for your mother and to plan for your future.
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madhatter632 Jun 25, 2019
Have you ever been through any of this or are you just blind firing.?
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Hmm.. never been in Sebring but I’m guessing you’re in one of the many mobile home parks throughout Florida that appeal to the snowbird/seasonal retirees that golf and such? I might be totally wrong here and apologize if I am! There’s just so many in the state and yeah, lot fees and leased land. If it’s a mobile home it’s not really mobile/moveable anyway but if your mom was placed in a facility it would give you the opportunity to work one of those fast food/ retail jobs.. could you afford the lot fees if doing so? I get that they’re minimal wage jobs but you’d be able to stay in the home without rent to take care of all this. It wouldn’t need to be permanent but it might get you to the point where your financial standing improves a bit.

It’ll take time but case workers/social workers are your best bet here. Much easier if the rehab facility had gotten her placed. Are the volunteers with SHINE helping you now?

Has your mother already paid for her funeral arrangements? If not is that something she can get on some type of payment plan to lower her monthly income so that she’s eligible for Medicaid?
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madhatter632 Jun 23, 2019
To answer your questions
Yes, upscale mobile home park as they'd like to think it, and No... No minimum wage type job would pay for the Lot Fees in this park, plus the house is all but falling apart, it's all ankle biter crap but still, such as today for example the Central AC went out that's $3500 to replace as no one wants to repair it because it's around 10 years old, I don't see this place as an investment so I refuse to put any more money into it since we don't own anything (lets be honest this type of Trailer Park you really don't own anything.) and we don't have the money.
Luckily the Central AC gave me issues last year and I had purchased a large Window Unit Installed it then built a trellis around it to hide it from the HOA, But I've also been collecting Portable AC units so we've got 2 of those one is installed in my room once again hidden install so the HOA won't say anything and the other is ready to be installed into mom's room.
The Central unit does work but not in this heat we've been having around here lately, these homes are built to minimum code, sun beats on them all day long and you're dealing with solar heating, the other AC units cool better and have cost less in the past.
But ultimately, No couldn't afford to stay even if I wanted to and really I don't want to be in this state, only reason I am here was for my father who passed and now mom.

SHINE hasn't been much help, The NH was even less then helpful unless you were dangling cash in front of them then they'll take all your money and do as little as possible for your loved one, this NH didn't even want to talk about using my mothers supplemental Healthcare insurance which is provided as part of her retirement from a past employer because they wouldn't get the amount of money they wanted for days 21 thru 100......... The local NH's are shameful in more ways then one to be honest I could tell you some horror stories just off of my short visits to mom, but options are limited around this area.

Mom has already paid for her cremation that I don't have to worry about thank God.

I'm working with a home healthcare group on mom right now and they think it's probably time to get Hospice involved.

As far as Social Workers some are helpful most really aren't the one I've got working with me right now is Okay but still there's only so much even they can offer up that I haven't already thought of myself.

For right now I'm sticking it out the best I can I'm realizing my mother is in the severe Dementia stage not as the doctor claimed at the NH with his "Early Onset" this isn't "Early Onset" mom is dealing with.

Medical care in Fla, honestly you'd be better off bringing your loved one to the Vet around here.

Medicaid requirements are you need to have less then $3k in your bank account....... That's not an issue for us, but in return they want control of all of mom's finances, Might sound crazy but I really don't want to leave my mother in these peoples care if I can help it.

I know it sounds counter productive.

Hospice would be the best bet if we qualify, I'm calling them in the morning and I'm calling mom's insurance company to see if any other local NH's accept her insurance for possible placement of days 21 thru 100 which would give me enough time to build a bit of a stash.
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Mad, I think that most likely, your mother's decline is due to the progress of her dementia; is it possible she had a stroke or TIA? Sometimes it's the stroke or TIA that causes the fall.

Medicaid will put a lien on her home. However, if you have been living their as her caregiver for a certain amount of time, you would be able to live there (if you can pay for it) after mom dies.

Is there no where nearby you can get some sort of job? Call center or transcription from home? Can the SW help with that?

I'm sorry that you're in this pickle. I think you need to talk to the SW about your depression and see if she can find you some support and treatment for that.
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madhatter632 Jun 23, 2019
I just think 24 days is a short time for all this to come about, it was literally like a light switch she went from able with aid to unable period.

She had a TIA but that was some years ago most likely the culprit to all her falls have been repeated UTI infections, she also suffers from stage 4 kidney disease, the local hospitals constantly send her home when I bring her in claiming nothing is ever wrong and like clock work two days later we're back in the ER and mom always has a UTI.......... those things don't sneak up on a person and yes they're doing a full panel each time so how they miss it is a mystery to me.

I've only had one meeting thus far with the social worker as far as job out of home that's not even possible, I can talk to the social worker about the other but this area we live in isn't exactly the place to find jobs, fast food and retail is about all there is........ this is a snowbird area of Fla I'm stuck in.

Medicaid doesn't want the home it's on leased land...... picky aren't they.
Lot fees alone eat up a huge portion of mom's income no way I could afford it on the jobs that are available in this area, my only option would be to leave the area altogether.

I appreciate the kind words but I really feel my options are limited if I could find a NH to place here under her supplemental insurance for days 21 thru 100 I'd have a fighting chance but the NH mom was in is chasing to almighty dollar.

I still have to wonder what about the Meds.?
They started her on 3 different Alzheimer’s meds I have no idea how those are affecting her once again it was drop her in my care and that "Good Luck Buddy" pat on the back.

Don't get me wrong I was expecting some confusion the first week or so back home but this is a whole new level that I've never seen and she's steadily getting worse, the moments of clarity are so few and only last seconds.

Really 24 days earlier she was dressing herself, bathing, brushing her teeth, caring for her dentures, making her bed, feeding herself (I cooked the meals), taking her own medications, going to the bathroom and now she's lucky if she remembers who I am or how many cats shes got, much less where she's actually at.

at this point I've got to somehow make it till Tuesday and speak with her doctor once again on this next followup.

One of the issues I'm struggling with is this is what mom wanted for years people to care for her every need and whim so when she demands things from me then smiles at me I'm having a really hard time figuring out if this is the Dementia or mothers way of getting things the way she wants them or what she feels she deserves and yes my mother was and always has been that petty in her life this is just complicating the situation cause I'm not sure if it's the boy that cried wolf syndrome, I don't think it is but that smile she gives off is pretty enraging to see.
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Mad, Have you been talking to Medivaid directly, or talking to a Nursing Home where you want to place mom?

I think your best use of your mom's remaining funds right now is to get a consultation with a certified eldercare attorney who understands Florida Medicaid.
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madhatter632 Jun 23, 2019
We really don't even have the money for that to be honest......... I've been in talks with a social worker from a medical group that is supplying us with part time aid such as nursing, occupational therapy, physical therapy........ it's just that bad and I'm alone and not sure what to do next.
I did explain all of this to the social worker that is trying to help us but everything is time consuming at this point.
And all I hear is Medicaid takes everything so I'm pretty much left penniless and on the streets unless I pull some kind of moves to stop that from happening which equates to even more time I'm forced to deal with this.
Don't misunderstand me I love my mom very much but this is beyond anything I was expecting to be forced to deal with.
I can't help but to keep thinking mom didn't leave here like this, she was simply dumped on me in this condition and all I got was a "Good luck buddy" pat on the back.
It was 24 days, to me they broke her they need to return her in somewhat the condition they received her, I'm left to deal with all the new medications and this medical mess they somehow created.

I'm not the type but trust me I'm understanding why Caregivers are among the highest in suicide rates in the US.
It's tearing me up to even think about having to place mom in a home I know I'll never see her again, not that it seems to matter at this point anyways as the Dementia has her lost at who I am 85% of the time anyways.

Is it normal to just start crying all the time.?
When mom see's me breaking down she starts banging on whatever surface and demanding I get back to work, then smiles at me.
That really doesn't help the situation.

It wasn't like this before she went to that NH WTH did they do.?
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