I need this very demanding lady out of my house. We live in Tennessee and Indiana says she can't come live in nursery home there. Her family doesn't want her, not even her son. I am ready to leave my husband. Can anyone help? Like I said she is very very demanding. Please help
I have some of the same questions as others have asked here, it's hard to come up with suggestions or relate-able experiences without a bit more info. However my first thought was if she isn't able to go to a NH in Indiana for some reason have you looked near you in Tennessee? If she has been a resident there for a while and receives assistance of some sort, Medicaid perhaps you might be running into a problem because the two states manage Medicaid differently. There is bound to be a way around or through this if Indiana is really where she needs to be for some reason though, it may just take some time and paperwork, placing her anywhere is going to take that though so even if you need to go off on your own to regroup and recharge right now, build up the strength to dive into this, that's what you should do first, now. Maybe even emergency respite would be a good idea if that is available around you, that way bot you and DH can regroup and start to plan without having her there physically, if she has suddenly gotten worse, acting crazy or maybe a danger to herself take her to the hospital for evaluation, that might not only give you a little respite but it might produce some help for whatever is going on too, you never know.
Good luck and hang in there, you will find your way through and the very fact that you took her in to begin with tells me you will feel much better about what you do from here if you are able to put your heart back into it again, all of you. I know that seems impossible now and may not be an easy task but if you can find a way to reset my guess is you will get there.
First, you just can't put someone into a Nursing Home. They must fit the homes criteria. Its either private pay or Medicaid. Medicaid depends on where she resides. It doesn't go over state lines.
Does husband agree with you that Mom is not easy? Is the problem you have no idea what you can do to get her out?
Boundries need to be set. Its your home and you have a right to be respected. Don't have to like each other but respect is needed. You are not her slave. You deserve time to yourself.
To go back to the beginning:
Your MIL came to live with you and your husband...
When?
Why?
What are her real care needs?
What sort of excessive demands is she making on you? (this is to do with whether it's something she can help or not, and whether a boundary-setting project might improve life until you can get her settled somewhere else)
What are the options for settling her in long term care, or anyway her own home independent of family?
I'm guessing she came to you in Tennessee from her own home in Indiana, did she? - and you were hoping to send her back again, perhaps.
Where is the rest of the family?
Does anyone have power of attorney for this lady?
Is this your mother-in-law? If so, then why is she in your house?