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They both are having issues mentally. Dad becomes frustrated, loses temper,thought; mom bouts of confusion & memory loss. They're both distraught. She's a socialite going out every possible moment. He feels she doesn't care about him. He's on oxygen 24/7 has CHF, emphysema, severe arthritis, diabetes. She COPD, arthritis, slight heart issue. He feels she cheats on him when out. She doesn't want to stay in. Last night I had call to run down cause they were punching each other. What to do? They argue trying to control other. Both abused as children.

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Thank you everyone for your input and time. Mom and dad always fought, was physical when I was very young but transitioned into only verbal. They could not he together. They were going to split but I begged him to stay (big mistake). Coming from a bad childhood I think he stayed and tried to make things easier for us with a militant mom which I think made things worse between them.
Things seemed to balance for awhile but as he became homebound and her not wanting to stay in things became worse again.
Though he didn't want her to work she occasionally secretly cleaned a house or two to bring in money (siblings always sick when young). They never had an easy life. I moved upstairs to help when I noticed they needed more help. They've become very dependent. Both fear I will leave yet resist outside help.
Their Dr also suggested police, I was thinking of caps too.
Today I checked into a companion for when he's alone. I think he fears dying alone.
Not sure if he always thought she cheated when out with friends, but never liked her going out without him.
I'll keep all your ideas in mind as I try to find a peaceful solution for them. The physical part is disturbing.
Thanks again,
Penny
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Penny, since you mentioned your parents always had fought, but now it is at a physical level. Who called you, Mom or Dad? Was there any hitting at all, or just words being thrown about?

I had an Aunt and Uncle who were like that. Oh my gosh, the language that was used. As to whether any punches were thrown, I didn't know, but wouldn't be surprised if there were. But they loved each other dearly, and when my Uncle had passed, my Aunt was devastated.

Sounds like your Dad may or may not be having issues with dementia. Or has he always thrown the "you've been cheating" claim on your Mom whenever she went out? If this is new, then dementia might be showing up. You could also have both tested for an Urinary Tract Infection, as that can also cause outbursts and at times violence.
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If their money allows, separate them.
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Get professional help.

What sort, there's the thing...

Does anyone stay with your Dad when your mother is out? Just wondering if you already have some professional resources there to turn to for advice, maybe.

The alternatives are:

the police. You could ask them to visit your parents, say they've heard disturbing reports (if they have any near neighbours, could be), and read them the Riot Act about domestic abuse.

APS, similar but with better links to possible social work intervention - APS could call and do an assessment of their living situation.

Area Agency on Aging, to get started on a care plan for both of them going forward.

This is a distressing situation for both of them, and of course for you too. Very difficult to know what to do for the best. But do *something* before one of them lands in serious trouble.
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