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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Contact the Dept. of aging in your county and speak to someone who deals with elder abuse because that is what this is. Wouldn’t you want someone to stick up for you? It sounds like your parents are too scared or feel guilty about standing up to your brother. Maybe they have put up with it for along time and got used to that behavior being their normal. That doesn’t make it ok to do nothing about it. please help them.
Report him to your local Adult Protective Services to see what they can do. Often, in these situations there is also financial exploitation occurring as well. Personally, I'd get my other male family members to help get him in check, if you know what I mean...surely there are other family members who care about your mom's welfare. good luck!
speak to social/healthcare/doctor and get mother out of there. You can use excuse assessment done and mum needs to be put in nursing home as well. Parents at times create monster children allowing unchecked behaviour to go until it becomes the norm. Father was wrong as the behaviour could have been addressed then by him. As i say - sometimes parents can create monsters.
Too true. Parents create these monster children by parentifying them from the time their little kids. The parents allow the child to behave abusively and remain their obedient servants and they never mentally grow up. This is my brother to the letter. My mother was abusive to the girls, but allowed the boy to be abusive.
If I accuse my brother of being mentally abusive to my mom, she will defend him, to the end!! Then I will never be allowed to see mom, and she will not want to see me. That is just the way my family works, men are treated as God, to my mom.
I know my family and I know this is what would happen, so Im wondering have you thought it all out? I'm not saying your family is the same but think of the consequences, before you act.
Maybe try to get proof, like tape him or something.
I'm not saying you shouldn't go to APS, I'm just saying think about it, prepare for all angles.
Your first sentence rings true within my family as well. In fact I’ve never heard or seen these words written before.
But my mom and my brother (not her POA) have what you’d call an enmeshed, co-dependent relationship, and she will defend him no matter what.
He whines and acts like a child despite being past retirement age. He has been living with my now 92 yr old parents on and off for decades. He is verbally abusive to them. He is selfish and their dementia and declining state seems to have no impact on his behavior.
If I were to confront him about how he treats our parents, he would complain to my mom that I am criticizing him or being mean to him, and I’d look like the bad child. It is a very messed up situation, but it’s been happening for so long there is no hope that things will change.
I agree with the other comments about having the employees try to handle it. Perhaps they could bar him from visiting.
The staff of the nursing home your father is in will not allow verbal abuse or any other kind for that matter. It is for them to handle your brother by calling the police if he's getting abusive and by getting a restraining order to keep him off of the nursing home's property.
Also, your father is in a nursing home. He's not able to control what your mother does. If she's obeying his commands from his nursing home bed, then that's on her not you.
Your parents are being abused. If you have witnessed the abuse be it verbal, physical, emotional, financial you report the abuse by calling your State's Elder Abuse Hotline. If your brother abuses dad or mom while either are in the Skilled Nursing Facility ALL the staff are MANDATED reporters of abuse so they must report the abuse to a supervisor. If they have done nothing that is also reportable. Please call. If your brother is POA he will be removed as POA if the allegations are founded. If no one is POA, if dad is cognizant he can appoint you as POA if you want to take on this role. If you do not want to be POA and there is no one else when you are talking to APS you can say they need a Guardian and through a court process one will be appointed. If you do wish to be POA you can restrict your brothers visits to dad in the facility. Is your mom cognizant? is she living alone? (Please do not say she is living with the brother) You need to restrict your brothers access to your mom. Supervised visits only.
Call APS and report the abuse that your mom is enduring. They will come out and do an assessment of the situation. And alert the nursing facility where your dad is so they can keep a better eye on this situation and perhaps even ban your brother from visiting your dad.
Your parents are being abused by their son but dad refuses to let mom do anything. What does "anything" consist of? Throwing brother out of their house? Does he live there? Is he an addict? Is he homeless? Is brother threatening to harm them? Does he steal their money? Dad's afraid of what? Mom says what? Why does she have to not do anything just because dad says so? Doesn't she want to help brother get treatment for whatever is wrong with him? If mom is in harm's way due to brother's abuse, why is mom not important enough for dad to want her to be safe? Lots of questions here.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It sounds like your parents are too scared or feel guilty about standing up to your brother. Maybe they have put up with it for along time and got used to that behavior being their normal. That doesn’t make it ok to do nothing about it.
please help them.
Too true. Parents create these monster children by parentifying them from the time their little kids. The parents allow the child to behave abusively and remain their obedient servants and they never mentally grow up. This is my brother to the letter. My mother was abusive to the girls, but allowed the boy to be abusive.
The nursing home needs to handle it.
I know my family and I know this is what would happen, so Im wondering have you thought it all out? I'm not saying your family is the same but think of the consequences, before you act.
Maybe try to get proof, like tape him or something.
I'm not saying you shouldn't go to APS, I'm just saying think about it, prepare for all angles.
But my mom and my brother (not her POA) have what you’d call an enmeshed, co-dependent relationship, and she will defend him no matter what.
He whines and acts like a child despite being past retirement age. He has been living with my now 92 yr old parents on and off for decades. He is verbally abusive to them. He is selfish and their dementia and declining state seems to have no impact on his behavior.
If I were to confront him about how he treats our parents, he would complain to my mom that I am criticizing him or being mean to him, and I’d look like the bad child. It is a very messed up situation, but it’s been happening for so long there is no hope that things will change.
I agree with the other comments about having the employees try to handle it. Perhaps they could bar him from visiting.
Also, your father is in a nursing home. He's not able to control what your mother does. If she's obeying his commands from his nursing home bed, then that's on her not you.
Do yourself a favor. Walk away.
If you have witnessed the abuse be it verbal, physical, emotional, financial you report the abuse by calling your State's Elder Abuse Hotline.
If your brother abuses dad or mom while either are in the Skilled Nursing Facility ALL the staff are MANDATED reporters of abuse so they must report the abuse to a supervisor. If they have done nothing that is also reportable.
Please call.
If your brother is POA he will be removed as POA if the allegations are founded.
If no one is POA, if dad is cognizant he can appoint you as POA if you want to take on this role.
If you do not want to be POA and there is no one else when you are talking to APS you can say they need a Guardian and through a court process one will be appointed.
If you do wish to be POA you can restrict your brothers visits to dad in the facility.
Is your mom cognizant? is she living alone? (Please do not say she is living with the brother)
You need to restrict your brothers access to your mom. Supervised visits only.
consist of? Throwing brother out of their house? Does he live there? Is he an addict? Is he homeless? Is brother threatening to harm them? Does he steal their money? Dad's afraid of what? Mom says what? Why does she have to not do anything just because dad says so? Doesn't she want to help brother get treatment for whatever is wrong with him? If mom is in harm's way due to brother's abuse, why is mom not important enough for dad to want her to be safe? Lots of questions here.
More information would be helpful.
The father is in a nursing home. How can he 'allow' or 'not allow' the mother to do whatever she pleases?