I have tried to set boundaries and repeatedly explain to my parents that I can't just come at a moment's notice, but they just continue to demand that I shop or clean or whatever they need the same day. They absolutely refuse to listen to me, when I try to plan for a even for few days at a time. (My mom is on oxygen, multiple health issues, barely mobile, no walker or anything. And my stepfather is blind.)
I'm an independent contractor, so my schedule is somewhat flexible but constantly changing. They fully understand how my schedule works, have no trouble making and keeping appointments for themselves, yet can't or won't absorb any schedule information related to me.
Typical scenario: She randomly texts me "Can you go to the store today?"
Me: "I told you that I was double booked an hour away! That is why I wanted to do that yesterday. " Yesterday she didn't need anything, but today they have no food. And then my blind stepfather will walk along a busy roadway to get her candy or coffee creamer or whatever she must have!!
When I am at their home, (1-3 times weekly), cleaning and taking care of everything, they are too absorbed in television to help me organize any scheduling or listen when I tell them when I can shop, clean, etc. They hush me until a commercial or until whatever they are watching is over. My mom gets annoyed with me and says "I can't think about that now!"
Then while I'm busy, cleaning like a whirling dervish she demands that I come, because she doesn't want to yell or can't hear me. I stop what I am doing, inevitably my stepfather, who is blind, walks into the middle of the swept debris or starts preparing food for himself in the area I'm doing dishes or starts fumbling through clothes I am sorting. Then I am trying to wrangle him, listen to my mom, who is asking for candy or tea or to get something from another room! She still "can't think about that right now" when I ask anything relevant to schedule or planning.
But if I don't do what she wants immediately, my blind stepfather gets up to do it and gets in the middle of whatever I am doing, which is not only irritating, but dangerous.
I don't know how to set a boundary and keep my stepfather safe. He won't accept any limitations and they won't even discuss trying to make their home accessible for him. My mom has a meltdown if I move anything. Recently, I put a basket on a table and put the things he keeps losing, sitting on, breaking, etc., she threw a tantrum! I just ignored her, but it's non-stop drama.
I'm exhausted and frustrated. It's getting worse and worse. I'm on my own caring for them, no local family or friends. Only child, no siblings.