How to deal with misbehaved father?

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My father had a stroke over 2 years ago, and 5 months later my mother passed away after 2 1/2 years with Bile Duct Stage 4 cancer. I was her caregiver, and for 5 months was caregiver to both of them. Over the past 2 years, my father has gone into major Depression and is taking medication for this. He tells me on a frequent basis he hates me. Also I have no one helping me. Everyone else has a life. I work from home and try my best to care for him. He takes medications for diabetic, high blood pressure, cholesterol. And I have had to hide the pain medications, since he was sneaking them on a daily basis. I took him to the senior center, he cried for days, thinking I'm taking him to a senior home. He says I treat him like a slave, but never ask him to do anything. He tells me he hates everyone. He doesn't let me talk to his doctor anymore either. He forgets to tell his doctor anything either. He gets lost on a straight road. I need serious help, and I know help costs money, which I do not have, and he hardly has any either. He has gotten me to the point of crying and shouting at him. When I do shout at him, he acts nicer. If he could stay like this I would enjoy spending time with him. When I took time for myself when I was sick and bad weather, he didn't eat meals properly, he can't even heat up the food I cooked in the fridge. He will eat junk food and get his blood sugar over 400. Then he asks me all the time why is his sugar high, he sleeps until 10-11 am now as well. This week his gotten to the point of just sitting in his chair with no television on. Whenever I try to talk to him, he tells me I am upsetting him, and I haven't even gotten 5 words out. So I can't talk to him either. I need help, and I don't know where to go.

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Thank you, he hasn't been diagnosed with dementia, but he may have it. I have an appointment with his doctor next week, to deal with his medications, and will get him started on an evaluation with geriatric psychiatrist.

The Dept for Aging, talked to me for an hour, and signed me up for Caregiver classes. As well as determining what other help he needs.
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You state in your profile that you are taking care of your dad with depression.
It doesn't say he has dementia but getting lost, anger outbursts and crying because he thought you were putting him in a home could be symptoms. It would be great if you could get him back for a psychiatric evaluation, preferably with a geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist.

You need to stop taking on all the work of your dad. Call a family meeting and get your siblings and anyone else involved.

He can "spend down" his assets then apply for Medicaid when he has less than $2000. in the bank.

Good luck. It so hard to take verbal abuse when you're only trying to help them.
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Thank you. County's Area Agency on Aging is helping me.
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Besides an elder law Medicaid lawyer, I would get in touch with your county's Area Agency on Aging if you haven't already. At the very least you want to make sure he is getting as much support as possible to give you a break.

Caring for someone who regularly tells you he hates you... That must be heartbreaking, sp2986. And to be dealing with all of his problems and behaviors without help, very hard. This doesn't sound like a sustainable situation for either of you.
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I am sorry to say that without his consent for anything you may just have to wait for some crisis for him. It may come in the form of seizures from high sugars. His habit shows that he is control of his body...for now short of you seeking guardianship. Does he have cognitive problems to qualify for Medicad or does he have too much income? If dad will not let you in the doctors office, perhaps you can mail a letter. If he has too much income, then see an elder law attorney to see if he qualifies for a Miller trust
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Major Depressive Disorder may not be curable, but it is definitely treatable. I take medications pretty much for the same things your father does, plus thyroid problems. I have some down days, but I never hate everyone, never cry for days, don't get lost on straight roads.

Here are some things that help me keep my depression in check: Two anti-depressants, quarterly visits to psychiatrist, occasional counseling sessions, use of a blue light every day, vitamin D supplement (I'm in a northern climate), and regular exercise. (I use a treadmill.) (Oh, and daily chocolate!)

Depression can almost always be treated and with better results than your dad seems to be getting. I sure hope he can find someone who looks at the bigger picture and doesn't just hand out pills. (Pills help ... they just aren't enough alone.)
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Yes in US, Southern California. No he doesn't qualify for Medicaid. I will make another appointment with his doctor to adjust his medication. He already has been on depression medications or 1 1/2 years now. He did see a psychiatrist, but I don't know which area, and maybe I need to revisit this with his doctor again. Main issue is he tells me it's no ones business what's going on in his head. So last time he only show the psychiatrist 2 times. Thank you for your suggestions.
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Are you in the US? Might your dad qualify for Medicaid? That could greatly help with the financial side of things.

It sounds like his depression treatment isn't working very well. Is he taking medications for that, too? Is he seeing a geriatric psychiatrist? That might be a good approach at this time.
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