My M&D will probably both need care eventually, but I do not want POA for them. I am the only child, what advice do you have for me?

Are you living with them? Get your own apartment. There’s excellent feedback here about getting a POA.

I look at a POA as a tool. It does not obligate you to be their hands on Caregiver or be at their beck and call. It gives you the ability to gain access to their financials so you can pay bills and set them up with the care they need. If there is no money, you are not obligated to use yours. POA gives you the ability to find resources for them and to apply for those resources as their representative. One resource being Medicaid paying for their care.

Your parents should not be left alone if Dad can no longer care for Mom. You may want to call Office of Aging to evaluate your situation and help you find resources. I would say Moms ready for a Longterm facility. Dad maybe Memory Care.

Being their PoA gives you the legal power to create a caregiving arrangement that is not onerous to you and but yet protects them. Without it, and without their cooperation, you won't be able to bring in help, or transition them to a facility very easily, if at all. You may need to resort to the county becoming their guardian, and then you will have little to no say in the management of their affairs (and no insight as you will be locked out of all their accounts). This would take time and effort. IMO being PoA will be helpful to everyone concerned.

To Kmjfree- bear in mind that “….her perception of me….” has NOTHING AT ALL to do what you are obligated to do as power of attorney, but having the legal designation of POA can become VERY HELPFUL if you ultimately need to assume responsibilities regarding care/financial management or other aspects of her care.

I had no one but myself to be responsible too, but as my mother’s ONLY legal representative, the POA designation made everything easier, and not more complicated.

Do a little research before you decide…..

My concern is that you live with them, so you are aware of their conditions, could you be accused of elder neglect? IDK

POA's are very helpful, as only child to my father, I was able to make decisions for him when he was dying. I have one from my mother as well, she is in AL.

I would never care for either of them in my home or theirs, I use the POA to assist my mother is not to be her caretaker, I am her carehelper.

I agree with MargaretMcKen in that you need to do a brief search online and find out what POA responsibilities are IN YOU STATE.

As an only child, I found POA responsibilities for my mother were straightforward and simple.

As a CO POA with an ignorant relative, the experience was a nightmare, and I presently consider myself to be “in recovery” from it.

You are VERY WISE to put your welfare FIRST.

Make an assessment of your mother’s and father’s assets. BE SURE that your assets do not mingle, and BE SURE that your planning for them does not include using your own funds for their care.

You may find yourself soon in a situation where others will view the situation as elderly neglect. So I would advise getting help from a social worker. If your parents can't afford in home help for care, you need to start planning on placing them in a nursing home. I was in a similar situation with my father. He gradually deteriorated to the point where he needed someone to be with him 24/7. I couldn't be that person because I had to work to make ends meet. Doctors and nurses saw the situation as dangerous but would offer no solutions. In hindsite I should have prepared earlier and had someone help me find placement for him. You have it twice as hard as you have 2 parents to take care of. Seek out help. now, visit your local Agency on Aging, seek out a SW to see what options are available and plan on preparing to place them in a care setting when necessary.

If your financial situation will change without their income anymore to help with the household bills, then you need to prepare for that as well.

Who is helping to take care of your mother while you are working fulltime?

I think you need to get some legal advice about what a POA actually means – even if you get it off Google. With a POA, you can hire a care director who will organise all hands on care (and check back to you only about major choices, if you wish). You do not need to do any hands on care, or even handle finances – if you choose to delegate that responsibly for finances. My dreadful father delegated all money issues to a Trustee Company. Legal POAs don't change diapers.

Without a POA, you have no power at all, even if you are very dissatisfied with what is happening with your parents. That includes if you think that your inheritance is being ripped off.

There are middle steps you need to know about, between ‘washing your hands’ of it all, and ‘taking on the burden’ yourself in person. Do some more checking before you make these decisions.