My M&D will probably both need care eventually, but I do not want POA for them. I am the only child, what advice do you have for me?

Mckeez1: The definition of Power of Attorney does not mean caregiver. Perhaps you can garner some information by working with your locality's social worker.

As I learned here from what My2cents mentioned, I hope you did not co-sign with either of your parents for a loan. If that is the case, contact an attorney right away without delay. You do not want to be responsible for loan payments on your mom and dad's behalf after anyone passes away. What may happen if you cannot afford to pay without one or both of your parents' assistance?

I recommend talking to a family law attorney who can guide you in what you need to do while Dad is still cognitively intact.

i am POA for my parents (Dad Passed) and I am so glad I talked to them about this. They figured all they needed was to be POA for each other.

their needs got to the point that they couldn’t write a check, sign paperwork etc. by the time my Dad passed Mom was bed ridden, my brother passed etc. and I was able to take care of everything without jumping through hoops and spending tome in court.

When my Dad passed I went back to the lawyer and he made sure Moms estate wouldn't go into probate. The first thing he told me to do was be put on her bank account for example. I never would have thought to do that.

my long winded reply is simply to say, make life easier on you.

McKeez,

Your profile says that your parents are living with you in your home.

You have responded to Alva that you live with them.

Which is it?

If you live with them, move out and move on with your life. How old are you?

Are you familiar with Council on Aging? They can do a needs assessment for your parents and determine what options are available for them.

Your profile says that your mom has Alzheimer’s disease. Facility care would be the best option in my opinion. She isn’t going to recover and will require more care as time goes by.

Best wishes to you and your family.

I understand you don’t want POA. It is hard….

but the only thing worse than POA is not being POA.

Are they going to hire a guardian? (Very pricey!!$$$$). Would they prefer you use a different family member in that role?

The trouble comes when the POA they choose instead of you doesn’t, in your opinion, follow their wishes, or do what you would do, using your best judgment.

Would that bother you more than being POA?

There was a time when my mom in the moment changed her own “wishes.” She was very sick and wanted some life-saving measures. The hospital really didn’t want to prolong her life. I had to fiercely advocate to get Mom what she wanted. If I hadn’t been POA, her own wishes would not have been honored.

Although the role can be painful, not being in that role would have devastated me.

If you do not want the responsibility that comes with a poa, you have, essentially, chosen to ignore their needs. No advice is possible except to reconsider your position.

When both my MIL and SFIL started to rapidly decline, I chose to proactively become their affairs manager (even though none of us were yet their PoA) *because* I could cleearly see their train wreck was going to land at our feet no matter what. My goal was to minimize it. My husband and his brother eventually become their Mom's DPoA but the control-freak SFIL wouldn't assign anyone, so he died alone with his Parkinsons in a terrible county-run Medicaid facility as a ward of the county.

If we hadn't chosen to help my MIL early on, the mess would have been very hard to ignore or avoid personal impact since we lived in the town next to them. I helped them almost daily for 1-1/2 yrs but at least I got to control what was happening and when, since I was a partner in our famiy business working full-time with 3 young sons and my own elderly Mom living next door. I don't regret jumping in early because I know it would have been so much worse.

Below you posted, "I live with my parents..."

My point being that PoA will allow you to minimize the impact of your parents' decline on your life -- unless you can walk away and be stone-cold uninvolved. Not sure how this will happen if you live with them. Also, remember this experience as you plan for your own declining years and exit.

McKeez1,
Apologies in advance if this does not work for you. I was curious how Ai worked, so my dH asked Ai for me: Here is AI's answer:

"AI generated answer:

It's understandable that you may not want to take on the role of power of attorney for healthcare for your parents. Here are a few suggestions that may be helpful in this situation:

Consider hiring a professional caregiver to assist with your parents' needs. This can help to alleviate some of the burden on you and allow you to continue working full-time.
Look into local resources that may be able to provide assistance, such as adult day care centers or in-home nursing care.
Reach out to other family members or friends for support. They may be able to help with caregiving tasks or provide emotional support.
Consider joining a support group for caregivers. It can be helpful to connect with others who are in similar situations.
If your parents are still able to make their own healthcare decisions, it may be helpful for them to appoint a durable power of attorney for healthcare. This would allow them to choose someone they trust to make healthcare decisions on their behalf if they are unable to do so themselves in the future.
I hope these suggestions are helpful. It's important to remember to take care of yourself as well, as caregiving can be a demanding and emotionally draining role. "

Talk to your Elder Law Attorney about getting a Court Appointed Guardian.