My husband still able to function but increasingly dependent on me. I am fearful of getting paid help due to pandemic. Advice?

In the case of emergencies, you do what you have to do, pandemic or no pandemic. Period. My DH & I have been in & out of hospitals for the past 2+ months, with him having 2 serious surgeries and spending 2 weeks in the hospital on 2 separate occasions. I visited him, took him to doctors, clinics, for tests, had procedures myself, etc. etc. If we don't do what we have to do NOW, we will pay for it LATER. I'm going for yet another procedure this coming Friday because I have to. And that's that. I will wear my mask, wash my hands, and stay as safe as possible.

I wonder what the statistics will be for deaths due to people so frightened of getting The Virus that they neglected to take care of themselves for the year or two or three that the pandemic will wind up going on? A pandemic with a 99%+ survival rate to boot. Not to make light of it, or to say that some people don't get very ill from it, but TO say that if you don't do something to take care of YOURSELF now, The Virus will wind up killing you, whether you contract it or not.

Hire help right away, or place your husband in a residential care community where he can get help 24/7.

Best of luck

Billiekay, just to give some perspective on covid: this past May my MIL in a LTC in a MN facility got covid and was extremely sick for 4 weeks, then recovered completely. She's doing great, just visited her tonight. I have a 96-yr old aunt with advanced dementia in MC in Pennsylvania. Tested positive for covid 2 weeks ago. Tested negative yesterday - no residual problems. I'm not saying covid is anything to trifle with, but it's not the death sentence many in our govt and media are making it out to be. If your husband doesn't have any underlying conditions such as COPD/breathing disorders, immuno compromise, high BP, obesity, diabetes, etc. I would consider outside help if I were in your position. I wish you all the best as you work through your decisions.

Dear Billiekay, I’m a bit loathe to write this, but take it as only one view on a difficult situation, not as a judgement on you. We quite frequently have on the site posts from a woman who has married much older man, then finds that she has become a carer at an age when she and her husband both expected to be enjoying an active retirement together. You can decide that becoming a carer for a decade or so is the price you pay for marrying an older man than you, well established and respected. Or you can put your own life first, and find another option for your husband that works as well as possible. Neither option is what you would ever have wanted, and not what you want now. But it happens, over and over again. Just be aware that either option can work for both of you, depending on what you both want and can cope with. Commiserations, Margaret

If you don't start taking care of yourself, and getting some outside help in, you will be the one needing to be cared for. You sound like you're at your breaking point, and regardless of the pandemic, you're either going to have hire some outside help, or place your husband in a facility. All agencies are going to great lengths to keep their workers and their clients as safe as possible, so you don't have to be afraid. Living in fear does no one any good, and it only puts you and your husband at great risk for not receiving the help you so desperately need.

So I guess I would ask you, would you rather risk an agency coming in to help you, or would you rather place your husband in a facility, where for right now you could only visit him through the window?

Please take care of yourself, and do whatever's best for you and your husband. God bless you.