Home aide abandoned my father; do I dare risk exposure trying to find him another aide?

I know this has nothing to do with your question but why would the wife go to China in the middle of the epidemic over there? Something doesn’t make sense here. And she can’t get any flight back when lots of Americans who were over there got out of China??? Something isn’t kosher. Is she also Chinese and living with family there?

ok...I realize that was digressing but you do not have to turn your life upside down for your dad. Look at it like this, should you get sick and have to be quarantined or hospitalized, who will do all this for him? Also, why are you answering your phone during a meeting? Let it go to voicemail and put phone on silent mode. You have choices but you are behaving as though you don’t. You go over once a week, period. Call him at night if you feel you must. Send groceries by delivery and either stock up on meals he can reheat or something similar. Houses will survive with dust.
hire a caregiver if that is at all possible. You really have to set some boundaries if you wish to keep your sanity. You don’t need to give him reasons and don’t feel guilty. Just state facts and take control rather than him being in control. Also don’t ever expect a thank you...won’t happen. I’m sorry you are going through this during this very stressful time

I am a home health aide. Been doing this for more than 25+ years. Your aide may not have abandoned you. This type of work is very stressful at times. People expect us to clean the whole house, do all the cooking, grocery shopping and sometimes take care of 2 people... a couple. And we make maybe $9.50/hour. Also... your aide felt compelled to leave simply because of the virus and her being responsible and around others at home? In that respect, I don't blame her. So... what should you do? I would get at least 3 aides to come in to help with your dad at the start for several reasons---maybe one of them your dad will really like and you could have them take over more hours? Possibly from the other 2? Also... if one decided to quit, you still have 2 and they might be able to pick up those hours the other one had? I would ALWAYS try to have at least 3 aides working for your dad...that way, one calls in, you have at least 2 to ask to come in. If and when it gets down to 2... call the agency and ask for another one. I don't know how many hours you are asking BUT... if it is a LOT....you might even try with 4 caregivers. And then weed out the ones that don't do the work.... your dad does not get along with.... etc. I have been the ONLY aide hired by the family and I tell ya... they expect me to be on call 24/7 when they schedule me regularly for ONLY 4 hours a week. When they call with really no notice, they expect me to come right over. I can't live on 4 hours per week. I had other people I was taking care of at the time and they expected me to drop that client and come over and take care of the loved one. No.. I will not do that. And people also cancel us caregivers all the time. I had 75% of my shifts cancelled in one month by this ONE family. I had less than 2 hours notice each time. 75% of my income was gone for that month. Please think of the caregivers too, folks. This is how we pay our bills.. or not. We have no security in this type of work. No vacation, no PTO... no raises. No benefits. We are abused by family members and the patient. I have been hit, threatened..run into by motorized chairs. Hours change all the time because people seem to think we are getting paid rather or not we work? I don't know. So.. I hope this helps you. Just don't treat your caregivers like they are garbage. OK? There are really good ones out there who care... who are compassionate... kind and loving. They love what they are doing. Hope you find these types. GOD bless and hugs.

I don’t agree that the aide abandoned your dad. Unfortunately many employees had to weigh the risks here and decide if risk of continuing to work outweighed the benefits. And as a matter of fact, many people have have stopped having their aides come because of the risk is poses to the person who needs care. You do realize that every day an aide comes, your dad is at risk? The aide likely has other family members in the home who are either still working, still leaving the house or simply refusing to social distance?

I would call an agency and start looking for another aid.   After the covaid crises is over, you can look for other options.  I think one aid is the lowest risk option at all.   And if wife does come back (I think unlikely), she will be likely of higher risk that an aid.  Have you locked down his bank accounts?

It's another job to manage home care workers and their needs as well. I'm sorry you feel abandoned by aide and are abandoned by the wife. Hang in there and continue to find alternatives for your dad's care.

Draw boundaries because you should be taking care of yourself first.
Don't answer the phone in the evening and get your rest. You have to function from a good place.

The other tasks can be outsourced like meals on wheels or other meal delivery services. With this corona virus, there are neighborhood volunteers that have done 80% of the shopping and errands, and I discovered home delivery a few months ago by necessity when there was no one to help when I got ill.

Not sure what to say about the wife m.i.a. She is the wife, and should be the one responsible for taking care of her husband, your father. Is she communicating from a distance? Have you considered placing him in assisted living until she returns?

Does your father qualify for hospice care? If so, they can set up aides if you wish.

I would not count on the wife returning. Get access to your father's bank account and make arrangements to get groceries for him and clean out the fridge and freezer and don't give it a second thought if his wife has to replace items when and if she returns. That way your father will have food he likes and will eat.

If your father has the funds, I am sure you can find another aide through an agency. Perhaps they have screening right now for employees too. Just a thought.
Can you get a live in right now for your father? If so, that person can stay home with him and the risk is lower. They can do home care for him and housekeeping.

You might turn off your cell when your are in meetings so you can work in peace.

Sorry this happened. I guess you can understand why the wife is MIA. Your Dad is a PIA, and the overseas trip came at a convenient time for her. Yes, I think you should try to find someone who will agree to tolerate your Dad. I would make sure the offer is a nice price, and that your Dad is reminded to behave himself. You have a life to live, and cannot be his 24/7 nursemaid indefinitely. Stop making yourself so available.

My dad has a helper who is still coming daily. They both understand the risks and are being careful. For him it’s safer to have the help and socialization the helper brings than to go without. And the helper wants to be useful and needed, and honestly needs to make money. The helper also gets me dad to cooperate on household matters that he’d argue with us about, you might find the same thing. My dad isn’t so worried about getting the virus, he realizes his mortality and in some ways would welcome a way out. There are many people in need of work now, if you decide to hire, I’d guess you’ll find someone pretty easily

Dad needs the help and You need this help right away before total burnout.  Yes, hire someone else who will be careful with all safety.  Even if you use an agency, check the person/s out as you may need to hire different ones for his different needs.  Others here will be more experienced to advise you on checking out outside caregivers (you may want to post separately for that).

Your dad may not get all his wishes fulfilled, but the main things are his safety, well being and Yours.

If Dad is so needy why did wife leave him. The Virus was already in China in Feb.

Try and hire someone. Tell Dad you can't work keep up ur house and his too.