My family member is not having any behavior issues but facilities close to home will not accept him because of behaviors.

Facilities are happy to take the money but do not want to put in the extra effort to actually care for the patient. How dare a patient with dementia actually display signs of a person whose brain is not working. It’s just crazy how memory care facilities can no longer handle a patient once they start doing anything out of the norm!

His behaviors are part of his medical record. They will be there as long as that record exists. However, they will or will not be considered based on the state he lives in and their policies. In my state he would have to go one year without any behavioral abuses.

His not about me or my husband, he is about his brother. His wish is to be closer to home.

If the ombudsman told my BIL she was going to help get him closer to home then she needs to do that. If she can keep moving him around within 30 mile radius ….

Swise02 You are ABSOLUTELY right.

the system is wrong

What bothers me the most about this whole situation is the "system" is all "messed up". They are the ones who got my BIL in the situation that he is in. Now he is the one who has to pay the price. sad

What are they saying his problems are? Is the decision based on pasted behaviours?

Haileybug...I have been through a hard time finding placement for my dad with Alzheimers and aggression. I will say I have just learned something literally in the last couple of days... I know it would be great to have your brother in law closer to home so you could visit him and he could have people that love him close by. But if these memory care facilities say they will not take him due to “behavior” I feel like they probably are not the ones you want taking care of him. You also said he hasn’t had behavior issues for some time now...that is awesome..maybe he feels at peace and adapted to his current situation and moving him may cause him to regress or begin having behavior issues which could be really bad for him resulting in being put in a state hospital or being sedated like a zombie..I was faced recently with both of these ideas and it’s horrifying. What I am learning with this disease is if things are going ok...don’t upset the apple cart because you may be in more of a mess and have more of a headache than ever. I know it’s hard!

Haileybug, I think you know that it is much easier for a facility to say no than it is for them to look in detail through his history and reassess the risk.

It would be interesting to know how long he has to have been stable before he is considered as no longer having behavioural issues. Interesting, but alas I suspect academic - I certainly wouldn't expect a straight answer to a straight question on that point.

How is he doing, have you been able to visit him recently?

I don't know what the time frame for being on record in your area is, but in mine (Tennessee), it is one year according to case manager at the hospital he was discharged from yesterday.

My Dad was kicked out of two rehabs last year because of behaviors resulting from UTIs acquired at each facility. Upon being kicked out of the first one, he collapsed from severe UTI getting out of the car and had to be taken straight to ER for treatment. Case manager at the hospital got him a place in another facility upon discharge, but he got another UTI there, too, and they tried to kick him out twice more but I filed appeals with Medicare and won both times.

About ten days ago, Dad's heart rate plummeted into the 40s and had to take him into hospital for pacemaker placement. He was too weak to stand after lying in hospital bed for over a week, so discharge to SNF only option, and I feared none would accept him. His caseworker was was able to get him into one after all, even though the last "kick-out" incident had been eleven months ago.

If you have any valid reason to get your family member admitted to a hospital, it is likely the case manager will be able to get the family admitted to be facility upon discharge, provided assessment determines the family member cannot safely be released to home care.

I know this is very hard and stressful and wish you the best!

I am afraid that you have to look on it as a large dose of nasty reality. When these places are full, that is to say when your dollars are not NEEDED, they, like colleges, will "cherry pick". That is to say that they will choose the person in line with NO history of ANY behavior problems. They may not, like will not say this outright, but it's a fact. It would make some sense to think of it this way: You are opening your house to a visiting student. One candidate is squeeky clean by history. The other was in some juvenile detention for shoplifting and etc. Which one will you choose? There are some who would choose the troubled child, out of a personal mission to "make a difference". But most will choose the squeeky kid. I would myself, so what can I say. I honestly think, given the extra info you gave us, that this is the case. Wishing you good luck.

I feel in order to receive suggestions to help your situation you need to provide more information. What are the reasons that facilities are giving for not accepting him? In trying to imagine your situation it sounds as though he might behave differently when not in a home environment which he would prefer. Is the home environment one that can be managed? In a way it does make sense if he has motive to live at home. Often questions are asked on this site with very minimal information given. I feel that is the case here. I am not faulting you because no doubt you are dealing with a difficult situation but there is not enough of a story in my mind for many to advise you with what little of the situation known which is the reality. Perhaps you could respond to me or post more of what is transpiring in order to hopefully get more advice.