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I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)

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HOW DO YOU FRIGHTEN A MILENNIAL? Put them in a room with a rotary phone, an analog watch, an old typewriting and a TV with no remote control (add rabbit ears for fun!). Then leave the directions for use in cursive writing.
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a black guy and his mexican friend opened up a restaurant ,
its called " nacho mama's " .
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My candidate for the most cruelly named company that caters to women of a certain age: Sag Harbor.
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Emma,

Cute! 😊
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A very, very old couple tottered feebly into a lawyer’s office, fell into the chairs in front of his desk, and the husband quavered, “We want a divorce!”

The lawyer was stunned. These people were close to 100!

”But—why now?” was all he could say.

The wife replied, “Well, we wanted to wait until all the children were dead.”
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a ' dumb blonde guy's ' wife goes into labor at home . her contractions are 20 seconds apart . the guy calls the ER frantically looking for advice . ER told him to calm down , it'll be ok , and asked him if this was her first child . " no dammit , this is her HUSBAND " ..
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or the dyslexic , agnostic , insomniac . up all night pondering if there really is a dog .
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Dyslexic kids write to Satan
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an atheist in a casket =
a guy all dressed up with nowhere to go.
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a rather wealthy guy and his wife are having dinner ' out ' one evening . suddenly a rather floozy looking woman walked up and kissed the guy full on the lips . his wife demanded to know " who the hell was that ? " he said it was his mistress.
moments later something similar happened to a mutually rich friend of theirs -- also at the restaurant . the first guy told his wife " see, we all have side chicks, just comes with the territory.
the wife indignantly told him that she wouldnt stand for it and wanted a divorce asap .
husband told her to suit herself but it would be the end of the exotic traveling , yacht club , etc . the wife pondered on that for a bit then ' resignedly ' said " well at least our mistress is prettier than his ".
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I am on a nut free diet, I avoid people who drive me nuts.
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polarbear -- precisely !! .
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captain - what is the 'freedom-challenged' you've been talking about? Inmates?
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i DO love that last joke bout the islander . im working now with the ' freedom challenged ' at a forestry in our state . if they care to wax philosophical -- im all in . they have ideas designed to recover for lost time and make some big bucks when they are released . my advice to them is -- lower your expectations , find a cheaper way to get what you need , walk before you try to fly , and beat the system like a redheaded stepkid .
i know what the hell im talking about . until 6 yrs ago i drove a ' repaired ' 51 chevy truck . still have it . my motorcycle trike is just a bunch of glob welded , crazy sh!t , put together . my current truck is a 700 . 00 gmc sonoma that just keeps ' coming up ' . its now a stout ass little miniature dumptruck . there is NOTHING i would replace it , or the junk trike with .
i think the guys are paying attention .
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a friendly but raggedly dressed islander gifted a couple of tourists a fresh pineapple and a huge lobster one day . they told him that lobster would bring 50 dollars stateside , he should get a bigger boat , a big crew and go commercial with his fishing . he could become wealthy beyond all local standards , then retire . " what then " asked the islander . the tourists told him he could relax , do as he pleased and just go fishing every day . " thats what i do now " responded the native .
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A guy was walking down the road and was surprised to see his old friend walking towards him. He stopped to say hello to his old pal and ask him how he was doing.

He told him, “It’s good to see you. How have you been?” His friend responded with, “It’s good to see you too. My aunt died a couple of years ago and left me $10,000. He said to his friend, that was kind of her to remember you. That’s a lot of money.

His friend looked sad. So he asked him, “Why do you look sad?” He said, “Well, my grandmother died awhile ago and left me $35,000.” He responded to his friend, “Gee, that’s nice that she thought of you. That’s a lot of money.”

Still his friend looked glum. He asked his friend again, “Why are you looking so down? Is something wrong?”

The friend replied, “Well, my great uncle died and left me a quarter of a million dollars.”

He said to his friend, “Wow! That’s a lot of money. You can travel, buy a new car and put some money in the bank. It was so nice of your uncle to think of you. I don’t understand why you look so sad.”

His friend replied, “No one died today.”
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I was taking care of my MIL who has Dementia. I was explaining to her for the umpteenth time that she broke her ankle, had surgery and that a bunch of plates and screws were connecting the bones in her ankle.
She looked at me and said, "so your telling me I'm all screwed up?"
I will never forget that moment. It makes me laugh to this day.
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Ha Ha pharsytid .
like an axe wound in a gorrillas back .
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Elderly couple out on a peaceful drive through the woods. Suddenly the man loses control of the car and they barrel down an embankment. Husband calls out to wife,”honey, honey are you alright?” Wife says,” I, I think so but I’ve got an eight inch gash,” to which husband replies,” yes I know, but are you alright?”
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ya know how long it takes a crew of mexicans to roof a --

never mind theyre already done .
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a guys wife traps him into the age old question ;
" does this dress make my behind look big ? "
he said " no , its all those fn pies " .
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communism , socialism , and capitalism made plans to meet for drinks one evening .
socialism came dragging in ' more than acceptably ' late , and explained that he had to stop for a hamburger and there was unfortunately quite a line .
capitalism said " whats a line ? "
communism said " whats a hamburger ? "
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Barb, that is hilarious.
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A couple was going out for the evening.
They had gotten ready, all dolled-up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog jumps back into the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard. She better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again."

The silence in the cab was deafening.
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and the boys say " if it werent for sex theryd be a bounty on em " .
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Jokes are necessary. We always joke about going to play bingo or senior luncheon. I say, "No boys or bars."
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Whenever I try to eat healthy a chocalate bar looks at me and snickers
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well , let me cause some trouble before i go to bed ;
ya know how many feminists it takes to change a light bulb ?
two . it takes two . one to turn the light bulb and one to......

oh hell .

your going to have to use your imagination and finish this joke yourself cause if i finish it the moderators ' heads are going to explode .
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Some old state laws are odd. ~ Dumb Maine Laws ~

>After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
>You may not step out of a plane in flight.
>Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.

in Augusta -
>To stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.

Portland -
>Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
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wanna hear a good joke ?

California !!
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