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I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)

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Advance Directives....it is a work in progress.

1. At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin,
and throw it out into the crowd,
whoever catches it is next.
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HBF, I laughed my butt off on that story! You can tell others you were just practicing for actual battle when the time comes.
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Another spider story okay? My kids still kid me today about that huge black spider I nailed! Over and over, I slapped that thing until I was sure it would never move again! My girl looked at it and began to laugh "way to go, Mom, you really took care of that black YARN spider! "
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Ta muchly, Sendhelp,
I was considering heading to the ballet (?) for a check up -
I heard that a little culture would help (as long as the weather holds up).
Gee, the things I learn...
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Hallah, I almost spewed coffee reading about your cardio web exercise .

I have to tell a story about spiders.

I had a squash that was obviously cross pollinated, who knew what it was. So, I decided to break it up and compost it. I come in the house shaking and visibly upset. My husband asks me what was wrong. I tell him that when I hit that squash to bust it a HUGE spider came flying out of it, there was an obvious hole but who would have thought, and hit me in the chest. Scared the beejeebers outta me. He said, "I didn't even hear you." I said "there was nothing to hear, it hit me in the chest and I ran." He said, "If that happened to a Guy, you would have heard it downtown, as they tried to jump to the moon screaming like a girl." I pointed out that it would not have been like a girl, because this girl didn't utter a sound (mostly because I was scared senseless) so they would have been screaming like a guy.

I learned my lesson well, if there is a hole in something in the garden, something lives there and could very well attack whomever is trying to destroy their home. Now I put those items whole in the compost bin and that serves as their eviction notice.

Thanks for the laugh!
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Male bees die after mating.

That's basically their life.

Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
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Wee & rain.. are you talking about 'golden showers' now..? 😆
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Kantankorus
30 min ago
SH: Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.
K: Now I'm confused... what's the weather got to do with it?? ;)


Lol Kantankorus,
E v e r y b o d y knows that c o n f u s i o n is one of the symptoms of a UTI
in the elderly, whether or not your urine is golden. 💡

Penny for your thoughts....
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Gershun, you should have seen me the other morning. Because of the dusk to dawn light at our patio door bugs and spiders are attracted. I opened the door, stepped out and ran headlong into a web. I’m just glad no one saw my reaction! It was hilarious- -now.
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SH: Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.
K: Now I'm confused... what's the weather got to do with it?? ;)
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I hear ya about the spider web Hallah.😂
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I heard the word “icy” is easy to spell.

I see why now.
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I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking in to a spider web.
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Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
😂
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A fool and his money are never around when you need them
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Last year, DH gave me a magic soup tureen with 1 year warranty. Put the tureen and a recipe on the counter and soup magically appears. Its been 10 months and I’m looking for a warranty renewal.
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Gotcha Send! ☺
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hallah said:
Oct 7, 2021
True story:
I was talking one day with an elderly lady about our “golden years”. She said “The only thing golden is our pee.”


Sendhelp said:
5 hours ago
Once your urine turns "golden", it is time to test it for a UTI.
Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.


Gershun,
My comment WAS the punchline.
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Gotcha hallah! :)
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Send, Gershun, I just found humor in the lady’s comment to me. No punchline.


Also, “golden” means I’m not drinking enough water!
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This morning's computer cheer:
Anyone who doesn’t cut their speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.
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That was a joke Send?

Where's the punchline?

LOL
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Once your urine turns "golden", it is time to test it for a UTI.
Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.
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One of the hardest parts about
being a bartender is
figuring out who is drunk
and who is just stupid


When you're dead
you don't know you are dead,
all of the pain is felt by others.
The same thing happens
when you are stupid
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raking leaves is Mother Nature's way of getting you in shape to shovel snow
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True story:
I was talking one day with an elderly lady about our “golden years”. She said “The only thing golden is our pee.”
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97yearoldmom, is that why our kids grew up so fast? Long days, short years?
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Cwillie, it is the fermentation process that creates probiotic properties and the mother is a prebiotic (fiber).

White vinegare is diluted acetic acid, no fermentation.

Thats what I found years ago, maybe new information but I don't care enough to look.

All vinegar helps to alkalize our bodies, some just offer additional benefits.
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I like the magical powers of white rice vinegar on salads!
Common Types of Vinegar
Distilled White Vinegar. White vinegar is the most common type of vinegar used in America, and there's a good chance it's sitting in your kitchen right now. ...
Apple Cider Vinegar. ...
Balsamic Vinegar. ...
White Wine Vinegar. ...
Red Wine Vinegar. ...
Rice Vinegar. ...
Malt Vinegar. ...
Red Rice Vinegar.

I use white vinegar to rinse my dishes, diluted of course.
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Cwillie,
It is because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Yes, we want to do that-keep the doctors away!
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