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I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)

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The little poodle on the couch says:
"I'm not talking to you right now" "Because you have a double standard."
"You say that I cannot eat the whole bag of treats right now, all at once."


"But, but....you are sitting right next to me here on the couch",
"Eating the whole bag of chips at once."

"That's just....not fair...um...um...uh...it's just illegal."
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😉😍
Do you want a man to be in love with you forever and ever and ever and ever?

Don’t talk to him.
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🥰
Did you know that women need at least 5 hugs a day to maintain their health?
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By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 89%
of what little joy you still have left in your life.
🙂
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Stand-up comedian. He said:

When I was in school, the principal told all us boys to bring only seniors to prom. I brought a woman with me. Her name was Mildred. She had met Eisenhower.
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😉
You can always live the life you imagined…
if you have a really bad imagination.
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Don't sweat the small stuff.
Lump it together with the big and medium things and have a major breakdown instead.
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😉
Let future you deal with it.
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😉
My wife told me she was leaving me because she couldn’t live with me always making stupid Star Wars puns.
I said, “Divorce is strong with this one…”
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😉
My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met.
I’m not buying it.
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Bundle, oh my, stray lego pieces, that is truly dangerous and mean.

My SIL was fall down drunk, fell in her bathroom on a stray lego, and split her head wide open.

Ever try taking a drunk, bleeding profusely from a head wound person to the ER? My truck looked like a slaughter had taken place in it.

Not something to wish on anyone.

(I know it's a joke but, brought back a traumatizing memory, that i wouldn't wish on anyone, even in jest.)

Good to see you back, by the way.
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😉🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈
When women get to a certain age, they start collecting cats.
It’s called
Manypaws!
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😉

Wife: Have you noticed I didn’t talk to you for 2 days?

Husband: Yes.

Wife: Anything you want to say to me?

Husband: Thank you!

Wife: …

Husband: Can I have 2 more please?
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😉
Wisdom has been chasing you…
But you’ve always been faster.
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😍😉😍
You’re an archaeologist. And they’re an ancient artifact...
Because you’re trying to date them.
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🙂
I may need to extend my lunch break into not working here anymore.
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😉 Never pray for your enemies to die. You might bury all your relatives.
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😇 Things I would wish upon my enemies:

flimsy toilet paper.

mosquito bites in between their toes.

bountiful amounts of stray lego pieces.

clamshell packaging on everything.

a pre-disposition to hitting “reply-all” by accident.
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😉 Friends come and go,
but enemies remain
and build up.
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I had a friend once,
but the rope broke
and he got away.
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😉 I don’t walk away from fights,
I prefer running.
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I don't need an inspirational quote. I need chocolate.
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Wanted:
Chocolate with the nutritional value of kale, but that does not contain any traces of kale. Your move, science.
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I don't want to look back one day and think, "I could have eaten that."
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I need chocolate because
Monday.
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Bundle,
Good to see you back in good form!
I am going to bump you right up to the top.
You are much needed at present!
Welcome home.
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😇😇
My New Year’s Resolutions:
1. Gain weight
2. Save less money
3. Set realistic goals
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😉 January has been a tough year, but we made it.
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🦦🦦🦦
Be kind to otters.
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😡😡😡
Not fast
Just furious.
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