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I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.

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hothouse - What a pain!!! I guess you have to cancel the convenience cheques. pronto. They are very vulnerable to fraud. So much of that around these days. .Thankfully my cc s don't have them. But thanks for the heads up.
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This Is a not an eldercare issue but I we recently had a credit card fraud and I want to give you folks a heads up because this can happen to anyone. Someone got their hands on a convenience check for my Barclays credit card and stole $100 from us and there was a $5 processing fee associated with this transaction. They forged my signature on a convenience check.

We never paid any attention to these checks, we just shredded them when we received them. Little did we know this can be a horrendous situation. We noticed this transaction on our credit card activity and promptly reported the fraud. Barclays took the charge off but then it reappeared a few days ago.

We called and Barclays said we have to file a police report and send them the paperwork and they would initiate an investigation.we will be doing this as soon as Barclays supplies us with documentation.

What is particularly awful about this is unlike a credit card which the credit card company institutes all sorts of verifications to activate your cards, these checks just come in the regular mail with no safeguards at all. Someone could have stole it at the post office or some place else and can just forge your name. The credit card company says you are responsible for the charge. I’m not sure even after filling out the police report that we will be successful in proving our case.

Barclays and many other credit card companies are fine with screwing you over because they will get their money or your credit rating will be damaged.

if you do not want to receive convenience checks you need to call your credit card company and demand they not send them anymore.

In our case it was only $100 but it could have been much worse.

I just thought it was important to pass this on.
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Thanks Margaret. If a person existing like this is not ready for hospice, who exactly is? They are giving him pain meds but it makes me feel better to know hospice is involved in pain management. I trust hospice to do a better job of pain management than the nursing home staff. My sister is managing all this because she lives locally. She's contacted the nursing home social worker and is taking it from there.
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Hothouse, If you have stepped back totally, please ignore this. Otherwise, my suggestion would be to go to the Ombudsman – or tell the facility that you intend to. He has severe bed sores that you can say are caused by the inappropriate care of the facility, untreated pain that is also not handled adequately by the facility, he is 97 with blood clots in his legs, yet the facility is not willing to refer him to hospice. You can say that you think they are keeping him alive as long as possible for the fees they get. A reference along those lines, or a threat of it, may pack quite a punch!
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Thanks, Golden. Yes I’ve stepped back. I am feeling better emotionally not to be so involved anymore. I’ve canceled my solo February trip to visit my father because of the stroke my husband had in December. I do not want to leave my husband alone for a week at least until we see the cardiologist and get the results of his cardiac tests. We have a vacation coming up and some commitments to care for our grandkids in March so we won’t be coming back until April. Which is fine by me. My sister says he’s not there at all anymore. But he’s still eating so he’s gonna be around awhile.

I selfishly want this to be over because I am tired of going to that godforsaken awful nursing home. And I detest seeing him like this. We would not keep our beloved pets alive if they were existing like this.

My daughter is in NYC with my granddaughter. I told her under no circumstances do I want her to visit. I prefer her last memory of her grandfather is not this. He won’t know she’s there anyway.
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hothouse, I'm so sorry. Can you take a good break -do something for you -concentrate on your own welfare. He is being looked after. I know these last days, .weeks, months are hard. You just want it to be over from their sake and yours ((((hugs))))
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The nursing home says my father is not ready for hospice. He’s in bed with severe bed sores, and in pain. He also has blood clots in his legs that are being treated. He is 97

The thought this can go on a minimum of least 6 months or more is totally horrifying. I can’t take much more. I just want to scream.
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Blue Heron, I totally get it. Figure out way to get out from under this and take back your life. Plan for another vacation soon. ((Hugs))
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BluHeron,
Maybe try going to visit less often? Do less.

You are very smart to have figured out a way for a ten-day vacation.

Now, make it a goal to take more days, while taking back your life, and strengthening yourself. It may take awhile.

You have had a dose of reality, and that is: there is still a life outside of caregiving for you. And you do want that. So don't give up, even though this sounds so very hard on you.
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blueheron - I'm sorry you are going through this. Obviously it is really hard on you. My mother lived to 106. She had life long Border Personality Disorder and developed vascular dementia in her 90s. It's more difficult when mental illness is mixed in with dementia. I don't know what your solution is. Your mother is already in a facility. I simply stayed away and visited only a few times a year.

I know it is hard but you have to take care of your health -mental and physical. I'm glad you had a vacation.

Caregiving was a dreadful chore for me and a time of a lot of stress. I was so relieved when mother finally passed. My heart goes out to you. Is there any way you could hire someone to do some of the paper work or other jobs?
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BlueHeron - when I began to find myself more and more short tempered I placed my mom in a nursing home for a respite stay, when I began to feel absolute dread at the thought of her coming home again I knew it was time for that to become permanent. And that wasn't an easy choice because I had been determined to see things through to the end, I truly loved the person she used to be and I thought that surely the end was in sight. Mom lived another 18 months in the nursing home and knowing what I do now I'm sure that sticking it out would have ruined me, as it was it took me years to come to terms with it all.
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My whine moment for Feb 10 2026:
My husband and I went on a 10 day vacation last week. I anticipated coming back refreshed and ready to deal with mom, but the opposite happened. I'm in tears that the vacation is over and I'm back in this never-ending reality. So I took a look at some caregiver posts on Facebook, hoping to read something that would make me feel better. The first posts I read were: "Caregiving is a privilege." and "I feel called to caregiving."
Lovely. I feel "called" to run away and hide. I don't know how much longer she can afford to stay in her facility and I'd rather keep my head in the sand than find out how many more months she can pay for. I don't want to have meetings or make phone calls or fill out forms. I don't want to think about it at all. Has it been 8 years or 9 years? I don't know anymore. Her paranoia and psychosis is getting "better" and I don't know what to do about that either. She doesn't fit any case I've read about online. Doctors just stare at us and say "let's do a follow-up in four months." What? You mean I'll still be managing her four months from now? My friends say their parents had such short periods of dementia or whatever this is. "Two years and dad was gone."
"Mom started acting strange at Christmas and she died the next June." They don't know what to make of my mother's situation. They say, "How's your mom?" And I say "Oh about the same. A little improvement actually. I'm still her manager."
My psychiatrist gave me another pill to add to my antidepressant. I wish on every star for a million dollars.
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Just lost my post.

send - car definitely. I really don't watch tv, but, as you say, I don.t have to choose. I worked many years to be able to survive such things.

cw -his phone is not set up for that and I doubt he knows how to sign into his Google account, He has an android and I have an iPhone. I am looking at some other apps to see if one could work. We need to set it up.

updare - the repair shop just called and have found the problem. I told them to go ahead and fix it. I will pay for it and we will hassle the insurance co later. Wheel bearings going on two different wheels right after an accident don't speak of normal wear and tear.

Don't think it is worth repairing TV's these days.

Oh well, life goes on, even without a phone, a vehicle or a TV.
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Can he do find my phone Golden?
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Golden,
Hmmmmn,
T.V. or Car,
T.V. or Car,
T.V. or Car,
which would you choose.

Fortunately, you don't have to choose.

Happy for you that your car is almost ready.
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Oh goodness. We picked up my car from the repair shop -it looked great, but R drove around a bit and the power steering still isn't right and something else I didn't understand so he returned it to the repair shop. He had returned the rental car earlier and can't find his phone and thinks it must be there, but they say no.,'
The repair shop gave him a ride out to the farm as the animals have to be fed.

He has misplaced (put them somewhere safe) the keys to his SUV and only had the one set so it's no help. He has a couple of old trucks at the farm and can probably use one of those.

The phone pretty well has to be at the rental office or in the car we returned, or dropped somewhere there. He tends to be a bit flaky and the 2024 accident didn't help.

Just when you think you are getting things sorted out they go sideways. Oh, and the TV died this morning, I guess I'll buy a new one.
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Thx way. The allergy could be a lot worse. I know you struggle with them and asthma too. The other stuff has been a real pain.

Glad your appliances are fixed now. Cookies sound good! Too bad about hubby being sick and now you too, I hope you both are on the mend. The battery troubles probably didn't help. Take care!

Finally my car is repaired from the accident in October and I also have key fobs that work for the underground parkade. We'll pick it up tomorrow and drop off the rental. I am not impressed with the rental we have had. It wants to steer itself.

Purple18 welcome to the whine thread. Jeannette did us a service when she set it up. She has been gone for several years now. Your dinner sounds good and easy.

I had a little pan fried salmon, and veggies for my supper tonight.
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Jeanette B you have every right to “whine” sometimes - we all do, and pat yourself on the back for doing it here as opposed to possibly losing patience with mom!
As for the cooking, you’ve probably heard this before, but keep it simple:
last night’s dinner:
vegetable soup (purchased from deli)
Perdue grilled chicken strips….
cut up and tossed into salad (bagged)

5 minutes prep time, protein, vegetable, tasty soup.
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Golden ,
sorry to hear about your new allergy , and all the insurance , provider mixups .
Very frustrating with the grocery delivery as well .

Eva , glad your dishwasher works again. I hope your washer isn’t an expensive repair .

So my oven is fixed today and working , I made cookies today !
Dishwasher was also repaired , new water pump installed . Repairmen tried it out quickly. Will see what happens when I try a full cycle .

Hubby got home from work trip in Europe , and as usual he’s sick . Always picks up a respiratory thing when he does a long flight in winter . He went to the doctor , came out and car didn’t start , battery dead . So that was fun. Got the car jumped and drove it to get a new battery installed .

And now my throat hurts despite trying to stay away from him and sleeping in another room since he’s been home . I anticipate asthma issues 🙄
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Eva - I truly am grateful these days for anything that works as it is supposed.

I got rid of my garburator -never could see the point of them. I don't think it is a coincidence either, Eva. Sorry about your washing machine. My washer and dryer are old but still working. I need to replace them, just haven't got around to it.

We rely on these things so much.

Hoes your hub doing?

Now I find out the rental car supposed to be paid by insurance till Feb 21st according to my insurance adjuster, only has till Jan 28th according to rental co books. I need to get to my adjuster. I switched over my mobile provider and they didn't inform my old company, which they said they were going to do, so I have bills from both of them for the past month or so and will have to chase down the new provider to pay for that time. My fave grocery delivery stopped in Alberta and the new one only brought 1/2 of what I ordered and so it goes. Seems like a lot of aggravations with service these days.

Some good news - my new allergy is only to almond skins, it seems. I'm Ok with almond flour. almond yogurt almond milk and other nuts. That's a relief. 😮‍💨
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Golden,
Love the gratitude for working appliances.
My garburator went, plumber came, declared it dead in 2 minutes. $440 bill for “consultation”. Not a typo. Replaced and dishwasher did not work that night. Called them another guy came, still not working. Tried to tell me it was coincidence, I did not think so and called them again while furiously washing dishes. Third guy did a good job. Dishwasher working. Now washing machine is making some strange noise.
Way,
Hope yours are repaired or replaced.
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Way - I'm sure you will be very happy when everything is fixed. I did the handwashing of dishes for 6 weeks at least with that Bosch mess. Not sure paper plates wouldn't have been a good idea.
Glad your hubby is on the way home. I'm sure he will adjust to simpler meals.
I get that it is too cold to go out - what about ordering food in?

Just found out I have an OAS Oral Allergy Syndrome to almonds. Will be checking out other nuts for the same. Darn it!!! I'm getting more and more allergies and food intolerances. I may end up a total carnivore yet. ☹️
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Golden .

Lol . I love the “ gratitude “ for working appliances. 😃😃😃. I’ll be feeling that when everything is fixed.

Well I could try to make the excuse that since the oven is broken I can avoid cooking to a degree which will help avoid hand washing dishes . 😂😂😂.

Hubby is finally on his way home . I can tell him not to expect a fabulous meal at home . 😂😂.

Crock pot or stove top meals for now . At least the stove top works , it’s just the oven . Seriously , It’s too cold to even go out to eat !

It’s freezing down here . Been a cold winter so far . But at least the next snow storm this weekend will miss me .

Since the oven broke I’ve been craving fresh baked chocolate chip cookies . 🙄
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Way - oh, goodness, oven and dishwasher broken. That's pretty in convenient. Hope they get fixed soon.

I had to do a gratitude thing yesterday being thankful for all the appliances that are working well. My phone is now receiving incoming calls and texts. I can call out if I punch in the numbers. I can't send texts. Getting there. Who ever knew that we would have to fix our own phones. I preferred the good ol' days.

How's the weather down there? It's pretty warm here for the end of January and we are enjoying that!
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Golden .

Sorry about your provider issue
I forgot to add that the dishwasher has been broken for 2 weeks . I had the repairman come , he has to return with a new water pump , still waiting .
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I don't like it either, and there was a mess up from my provider before the update which have just made things worse. .

way - Sorry about your hub - not his fault he couldn't return on schedule. 2.5 months after a significant loss is when the numbness starts wearing off so his boss could be a bit volatile. It's too bad your oven broke. Always something!!!
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Golden ,

I don’t like the new IOS update . First time an update really bothered me .

My whine is hubby has been trying to get home from Europe for 3 days , he was on a work trip . His flights keep getting canceled . Trying again tomorrow . His boss was annoyed today . Not hubby’s fault . He has his computer and is working from a hotel anyway , so don’t understand his boss’s grief over it . She’s probably easily annoyed now . Her husband died 2.5 months ago .

My whine part of this is hubby keeps sending me pictures of some amazing looking meals , meanwhile my oven broke ( won’t turn on ) during the storm , Lol .
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I think this is worth a whine.

After an IOS update last night my iPhone drops calls and doesn't send messages. Thank goodness R and I use What's App. It still works. I checked online and found a list of things to do which I will do shortly. Hopefully one will work. Deliveries will call my number to get access to the building and I don't want to miss the one coming today.

Just found out my favourite grocery delivery has ended. Thankfully there are other options.

At least it has warmed up this week and we will get a few days of above freezing temps.😊

Have a good day everyone!
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beniptal45 - I think we understand. It's hard getting "me" time when you are a caregiver. Is there anything you can do to make your quality of life better?

JDWZP1 - if he doesn't care and neither do you, then do what you want to do -don't do what you don't want to do. Nothi g to feel guilty about. You are not doing anything wrong. Over time I have given up most of the holiday chores -decorating, baking and so on. If I do a little it's because I want to, nor because I feel I have to. Iyt makes this season a lot less stressful.
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My whine moment is lasting weeks- so grateful this site exists.
The holidays!!!! I resent making all the arrangements.-Arranging to meet his kids and grandkids, choosing, purchasing, wrapping gifts, repeating a million times to him where we are going, what time we are leaving, etc, etc. and etc. Then making sure he is presentable( he forgets his partials or to shave) only to have him pull the whole thing off so well his family thinks he is not so bad. (Showtimers)
Of course I want this - I want to preserve his dignity and make a good family memory, but, arghh!
I have made one adjustment this year.
I am allowing myself to not decorate for Christmas…only some minimal things and not entertain anyone. No baking either. Still there is some guilt there… is it my responsibility to make his holiday festive??? He doesn’t care and I don’t seem to either.
I know the members here understand.
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