My "whine moment today". What's yours?

Katie, thank-you. I'm not feeling better unfortunately. My back is killing me. Then my chest wall muscles hurt and I can't take a deep breath and then I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Then I take robaxicet and it gives me indigestion so all in all it sucks. LOL

Golden, you are right. I do tend to overdo it. I get all motivated and start thinking I'm superwoman. I do feel stronger though. I just hauled a bunch of groceries home and it didn't feel that heavy. But.....................having said that. I will pay for it. I paid for it at the cash register and I'll pay for it with soreness.

Retiring on a cruise ship. Hmmm...............I'll ponder that for a while. :)

FF, certain areas of the country are so expensive. Sometimes the option for assisted living can be cheaper than staying in one's home and paying property tax and having help come in. I guess it all depends on where one lives too. DC is so pretty in spring with the Cherry Blossoms and the lovely monuments. I love the Smithsonian there!

Golden, It is very encouraging to learn that even a little exercise is beneficial. Spacing the movements out over the day makes sense. I am going to try that. It also makes goals seem more attainable.

Gershun, hope you are feeling better soon. The snow storm is giving me major aches and pains today, and a little cabin fever too.

Everybody: I hope you all are feeling better, especially with colds and sinus that just seem to hang on no matter.

Katie22, cost can vary from area to area. In am in the Wash DC burbs and housing here is expensive. The place where one can buy into a large apartment [over 2,000 sqft] the cost for that apartment meer $650k. I know, yikes !! Then add on monthly condo fees of around $2k. At those prices, someone better come in and clean the cat's litter boxes.

My Dad's Independent Living was around $5k per month, which included weekly housekeeping, weekly linen service, 3 meals in the dining room, and Staff checking on him. That was less expensive then Dad living at home with 3 shifts of caregivers at $20k per month.

Who knew getting older could be so expensive :P

As for retiring on a cruise liner, sounds great for those who love a floating casino. I could see my boss doing that :)

gershun - squats build muscle in your legs to support your knees. To me it sounds like you are overdoing it. My dd is very good at helping people to move from where they are at, to progress further along. Generally speaking to build muscle, the guideline is to cause yourself a little discomfort, which indicates you are pushing yourself beyond where you are at, but not enough to damage yourself. And give a couple of days rest between sessions of exercise. What I do is very gradual and built into a bit of a routine in my house. My knees used to hurt going down stairs in the morning. Now they don't. What I did was 3 squats at a time with no extra weight bearing, and total of 9-10 a day. I incorporate it into a 20-30 min walk around the house with a couple of other exercises thrown in I don't do this every day. It depends on how I feel. If I don't feel well I don't do it, and sometimes, being human, I just don't feel like it. I don't rely on going out to a gym b/c I know I wouldn't do it - especially in cold weather. However, that small amount of exercise has helped my knees enormously. When I stop doing it for a while, I feel it in my knees and I start again. If your back is hurting I think you are overloading yourself. "They" used to say if you didn't do 45 minutes of exercise at a certain intensity it wasn't worth anything. Ha! I never believed that, Now the experts are saying even 5-10 minutes of gentle exercise has benefits, and even if you do that strenuous 45 minutes, if you sit for the rest of the day you lose the benefits. My theory is any movement helps.

glad -hope you get over that thing soon

katie - the cruise ship sounds good to me

FF, that place sounds nice...they have some ok assisted living places here but not anything that fancy. I wonder what the cost is? I would almost rather book a cabin on a ship and have my own nurse along....I met a man that retired onto a ship. He lived in the port city and was on board every other week and maintained a small apartment in the main port.....I suppose the mandatory muster drills and conga lines might become tiresome after awhile....:)

Katie22, those places do exist in the large metro areas, there are over a dozen in my neck of the woods, with new ones being built. Some are 55+ where one buys a small home, or a large townhome where the master bedroom is on the main level. Others are Independent Living with Assisted Living and Memory Care, so the person can stay at the same facility.

My Dad was in Independent Living where the building resembled a Victorian hotel. The front entrance was set up like a hotel lobby with a beautiful curved staircase. The main dining room was set up like a restaurant with white table cloths and daily menus. The Staff was always checking in on Dad to see if he needed anything. The Assisted Living side of the complex was just as nice.

There is a huge complex just down the road, one buy's into the complex one of the apartments. Some of the apartments are over 2,000 sqft. The complex has an indoor swimming pool, gym, a half dozen restaurants, bank branch, gift shop, even a walk-in urgent care. And recently the complex added Assisted Living, and Assisted Living/Memory Care. In my opinion, the complex is way too big for my taste.

CW, I have had the crud too. Nearly four weeks now of coughing. I shop teas to see what I can find different on the shelves. I bought a caffeine free hibiscus tea that feels great on my throat. And DD2 gave me a box of lemon grass tea that also helps.

I even tried biofreeze behind my ears to try to ease the ear congestion. I don't think it helped. 😧

Golden, when I do squats that's when my knees misbehave. I've been trying to lift heavier weights. Eight pounds each instead of my usual five pounds. My back is reacting. Then my back pain moves into my chest wall and I feel like I can't breath because of the tension in the muscles. I'm taking robaxicet for it and it seems to help a bit.

Those commercials bug me too Katie. How unrealistic. If I were an actor as I think these people in these ads probably are I think I'd feel guilty misportraying something like that. But, I would hope the average person with a bit of intelligence can see through the bullsh*t I would hope.

Katie! You're dissing the place I want to move to!!
(just as soon as I win the lottery)

I am sick of that commercial advertising placement services for parents or mom. The spokeswoman talks about places with swimming pools, gourmet meals,
bars and bistros. Really?!!? Anything I have seen does not resemble that. I hate it when they advertise as though these places are resorts, especially the nursing homes if you look at some of their websites. Some resort where they let people sit around in wheelchairs without brief changes or baths, and where staff tries to do as little as possible and act put out at visitors. The advertising lies are incredible.

coyote -that's hilarious. I laughed out loud at Scene 1

I mentioned my depression symptoms are getting worse.
MOM: You don't need to have depression. You have me to talk to.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Scene 2 was pretty good too.

Oh my. Almost as bad as what mother said to me after my youngest son was killed, "I don't know what you're so upset about. Lots of people lose children."

Thanks, Mom!!!

cw -glad the babe is better Kind of scary when they don't respond to anti-bs.
.
grannie -look after those knees As long as I do a few squats, mine behave.

daughter- work on making some "me" time. We all need it.

CWillie, good to hear. Take care (and also some tea for the throat)

Yesterday, it took all my will not to laugh at my mother.
Scene 1:
I mentioned my depression symptoms are getting worst.
MOM: You don't need to have depression. You have me to talk to.

Scene 2, two-to-three weeks ago.
ME, finally having courage to take some feelings out of my chest
MOM: These things hurt my feelings, stop saying those.

Not to mention she had a several depression crisis last year, and knows that's not how it works.

Reports are that he is eating and sleeping at night so he must be doing better, they are pleased with the new pediatrician they have been referred to too. I am feeling a lot better but I am stuck with a cough which makes it impossible to talk - I guess it's a good thing I don't have anyone to talk to.

Ice that knee, maybe give it a wrap with an ace bandage. All the snow is predicted to stay south of us🤞, I hope neither of us have to do much shovelling.

CW  - I hope you and the bambino are on the mend! 

I.m still in pain from knee troubles.  Took dog to vet for shots 10 days ago, and he yanked hard on the leash several times (once to play with a goat!)  Next day I'm in knee pain and limping.  I thought taking it easy would help, but then auntie had 2 appts, one was by myself and her (broken front tooth, for one)  Her wheelchair is heavy, and I hurt myself more getting it in and out of trunk. I've learned another thing I can no longer do.  Next day a caregiver came with us to do the wheelchair. 

Maybe I got hurt because I have to slow down and rest.  Hah!  I'm the only driver in the house now, and we needed food.  No caregiver today.  Nearly fell coming down 3 steps in front of local store when knee gave out.  Maybe I should check with a doctor tomorrow, before the huge storm hits on the weekend.  18-24 inches of snow predicted.  Yes, take care of self.

Burnout, I’m with you. 2/3 meals a day. All household chores. Rarely time off. I feel like life is passing me by. Cranky mother, she called me a small cog in the wheel cuz I was bummed she wasn’t ready on time for HER doctor appointment. I should have picked burnout as my call name.

Willie, I hope he gets better soon too.

CW, I hope the poor little guy gets to feeling better. It's so scary when the little ones get sick like that, and they are more prone to RSV. I hope you are feeling better too.

My little bambino spiked a temperature again last night so it was back to the ER with mommy and daddy. They hooked him up to an IV and then sent him back home - this will be the forth or fifth different antibiotic and I'm getting a little bit worried about nasty resistant bacteria. They thought he was better today, but then we thought that the first day after the other changes. Poor little guy, hope this kicks it 🙏

nomore - this sounds intolerable What options do you have? Your fil is an alcoholic out of control. Living with some one like this means chaos.

NoMore,

Have you discussed this with your  fiancé? This is not good and is something your  fiancé should deal with soon!

I am tired of being screamed at and cursed out daily by my fiancé’s father. I’m tired of him drinking two or three six packs daily and I am tired of him sabotaging my work. I’m tired of him abusing his wife, to whom I provide care. I’m tired of being constantly called a gold digger; my fiancé and I have more than he does.

I recently calculated how long our money will last once I retire in 4 years. It looks like it will last until I'm 82 and my wife is 85. After that, our pensions and investments will be used up. I have no idea what we will do then. Since 45% of my mother in-law's estate is being lost to taxes, I don't have much faith in how much that will be. If it is a good monthly amount, I want to save and invest it to cover us for the future instead of spending the extra money now. That's my whine for 2:49 am here on the east coast of the US.

Mfreemam, Deep breaths.....I agree with mally1, give it a little space, then see again how it is going...I find myself having to push a mental "reset button" every so often with situations.

Mfreemam, hate to say it, but sounds as if your mom is more than ready for MC. Is she still considered to be able to make decisions such as financial or medical? I sure wouldn't want her to be doing it..... As for losing it with her; we all do that, goes with the territory. Don't visit or call for a day or two, but be sure she can't sign herself out while you are "offline". Don't LET her hurt your feelings; if she has some dementia, it's not all her talking.....

Have basically put my life on hold the last 2-3 years to take care of mom. I live 3 hours from her, visit at least once a week (grocery shop, do errands, etc.) sometimes need to go more frequently if she’s having delusions of people “breaking” into her house. Finally, after many attempts, moved her into an assisted living facility right before Christmas. Tonight she’s informed me she is leaving. Very angry at me, telling me I’ve never done anything for her, wishes my sister was alive as she would take care of her, hates the facility, angry because I made her give up her car, grandchildren don’t visit (all have lives/kids of their own, a few have visited since she’s moved). Wants me to give back control of her finances. She’s had trouble living at the assisted living facility, there was talk she may need to be moved to a memory care facility, they are giving her a few more weeks to adjust, so there is no way she can go back to her house to live by herself. I’m burned out, exhausted from talking to her and unfortunately lost it with her on the phone. I’m at my wits end.
Thanks for letting me vent.

Certainly, being the "nice guy" doesn't work. Assertive (not aggressive) behavior is needed. "The squeaky wheel gets the oil."

I quit working September 20, 2018 and have been receiving notices (another today), for mandatory nursing classes. I've called 4 times, e-mailed twice and even spoke to the director of nurses to get me OFF the list, to no avail. Sigh!
I really don't feel like driving 30 miles up there (not sure that would do any good anyhow). I will look into blocking the messages on my phone.

If I didn't do MY job with my patients, you know I would have heard about it! But others just coast along and ignore the situation. No wonder the public is grouchy.

Gershun, I am starting to see that people can't handle computers or the simplest things. Missed your appointment? Really? We had the garage door fixed on the condo weeks ago and are still getting calls that the technician is on his way here....
Most everything is bungled by someone else that one tries to do anymore. I keep, probably naively, hoping things will get better....

Hope everyone is hanging in there and feeling better. Another week to tackle...

BlueStarMom -

Welcome to the forum. So glad you found this site. It's a life saver for me.

I am so sorry your husband's siblings aren't helping their own father. If you want to get some suggestions on what to do about the situation, you can post your question in a separate post so others can respond to it.

Katie, I'm with you. I regaled everybody on here with my horror story last week just trying to get my the doctor to fax the correct prescription to the pharmacy. That finally got straightened out thanks in part to the assertive pharmacist. But the incompetence abounds. I remember one time waiting and waiting for my name to be called in the waiting room (I guess that's why they call it that) and finally went to the front and got aggressive. Sometimes I think to myself, I better not alienate the receptionist cause I'll end up waiting even longer. This is what it's come to. But anyhow, when I got home that day, there was a message from them on my voicemail saying I missed my appt. There I was in the waiting room and they were calling me to say I missed my appt. LOL Boggles the mind!

That moment when you realize : No one in his family is going to help you. You are basically on your own and need to figure out how you will go on. Feeling so bummed right now because convo with his siblings did not go well at all. 😡